If you follow me on Instagram then you’ll already know that I started 2019 with an exciting new project, the Positive People Podcast.
I know what you’re thinking, EVERYONE HAS A PODCAST. Granted, you are correct and I’m not going to deny that the podcast market is somewhat saturated. But personally, I am currently subscribed to 50+ podcasts and listen to hours of episodes every day so I’m hopeful that there are plenty of you folks out there who can spare an hour a week to listen to our show.
I say ‘our show’ of course because I have an amazing co-host called Amy Holland.
Amy is my internet wifey, the gal who I call when I need to talk and the person who will leave me 7 minute long voice notes on a daily basis. She too has experienced mental illness and started her own business I Can Cards as a result.
We are both so obsessed with the mental health community online and really want to help add value to the content we produce. That’s why we decided that a podcast would be the best way to deliver our message of positivity as well as highlight some of the incredible people and stories we come across every day.
We don’t really believe in the ‘think positive’ philosophy.
Instead, we think that owning all the negative aspects of life is actually key to making you feel more positive and powerful in your own skin. We say sit in the sadness when it comes, take the bad days when they come and learn from them. Do what you can and above all, show yourself some self-compassion along the way.
We’ve already got two episodes ready for you to hear and have some awesome guests lined up over the next few weeks including Hannah Fitt of the Safe Foundation, the Anti-Coach Sinead Latham, author Kirsty Hulse and fashion legend Francesca Perks.
Depression is a tough subject. There’s no getting away from the fact that it’s a painful illness that affects many of us, but I want to take a moment to talk about recovery and how it can begin to happen without us realising. I didn’t think I would ever recover, but I did. To mark Mental Health Awareness Week 2017 here’s an account of how I went from just surviving to thriving.
The small things matter again
I can’t pinpoint exactly when this happened for me, but I remember vividly how difficult it was for me to see the point in doing a lot of things. Showering seemed pointless, as did cleaning, wearing nice clothes or taking pride in my home. I didn’t wear make up because I thought, “I just have to take it back off again” so I didn’t bother. This idea of having to do things repeatedly was something that really tore me up inside.
Getting a part-time job was a major factor in helping lift that feeling, because doing the same tasks everyday was essential to doing my work correctly. I started waitressing in a cafe where I’d previously worked as a teenager, so it didn’t take me long to remember how to do everything.
Cleaning down at the end of the night and making sure everything was stocked for the next day was just enough responsibility to make me feel like I could contribute something to society and be helpful to others. Once I saw the positive effect my effort had on other people I felt compelled to continue.
Hobbies are fun again
Although I maintained my passion for fitness during the worst stages of my mental illness, other pastimes didn’t appeal to me any longer. I didn’t enjoy shopping or going out with friends. I used to love going to the cinema but I often found myself unable to concentrate during a movie or would fall asleep half way through.
When I started to take an interest in blogging again, I knew I had won back some of the enthusiasm for life that had been absent for so long. In the past ten months I’ve worked on my blog almost everyday without fail. I still get tired and frustrated with all the hard work but I really enjoy it overall. I get so much satisfaction from being creative and talking about mental illness online that I can’t see myself ever giving it up.
I can spot my obsessive behaviours
Writing about my mental illness means I’ve become even more self-reflective than before. As a result I’ve been able to better judge my behaviour and spot when I’ve been acting irrationally. I used to make family and friends change their plans to make sure I could still go to my scheduled keep-fit classes. I would control which restaurant we went to to ensure I could eat a specific type of food for weight loss, and I would be very anxious if any of those plans changed at the last minute.
I quit dieting about a year ago and since then my whole outlook has changed. I have the freedom to eat what I want and it’s made me feel a lot more laid back about things in general. Now I can see that I was really just using that as a form of control and I’m trying to work in improving that.
I can support others
Having depression makes it extremely hard to be sympathetic to others. I couldn’t talk to other people with depression because I was unable to say any kind words. I felt like I was the only one who felt this bad, and that no one – not even someone with the same illness – would understand.
I spent many months relying on my husband and family to assist me with everything. I needed help getting ready, going to appointments and making basic decisions, so how could I hold my own in a conversation with someone just as vulnerable as me? It wasn’t until I was working with a young girl who had depression that I realised I was strong enough to reach out and offer support to someone else.
Somehow, I’d come far enough to be able to lend a helping hand and acknowledge that someone else was in distress. I don’t know how much I really helped her in the grand scheme of things, but I was always kind and tried to listen to her issues and offer as much advice as possible from my own experience. I didn’t realise I was better until I could actually tell someone else with confidence that they would get better too.
I can ignore negative thoughts
Recently I’ve realised that I’m now able to acknowledge my mental illness and let the symptoms play out without letting them affect me too much. I know the things that make me anxious; busy places, being around drunk people, meeting new people and long journeys on public transport. I’ve figured out that I can still put myself in those situations and not crumble, and it feels amazing!
I plan ahead as much as possible and distract myself when negative feelings arise. I avoid caffeine because it makes my anxiety worse. If I do these three things then I know I can ride out the storm and come out the other end unscathed.
I ran a poll on Twitter asking how to deal with negative people. Overwhelmingly the response was ‘avoid them’. Pretty harsh don’t you think? Everyone’s allowed a good old moan once in a while; in fact I think it’s healthy to get your grievances out in the open. Letting them fester and grind you down only breeds resentment and unhappiness, so I think we should all feel free to talk about what’s pissing us off without fear of being deemed ‘the negative one’. But when you’re faced with someone who is so continually unhappy, when every word that comes out their mouth is a ‘poor me’ sob story – how should you deal with it? I know that it can personally leave me feeling drained, lifeless and in need of an energy boost. Here’s my advice on how to stay happy whilst dealing with this…
Establish if it’s a one off
You should first of all, go into the situation completely open minded. It’s easy to presume you know what someone is going to say before they’ve even opened their mouth, but try and ignore how they may have overreacted in the past and listen carefully to what they are complaining about. Is this something that they complain about regularly? If not then maybe it’s just a one off. If that’s the case then they should be allowed to get it of their chest, be a good mate and listen. You never know when you might need them to listen to you whinge about losing your bus pass on the way home. Whatever is bothering them might not seem important to you but it clearly is to them.
Let them vent
This can be hard. When someone wants to highlight everything bad that has ever happened to them from primary school to present day, it will test your patience. However, it is helpful to let them vent. Shutting them down or trying to change the subject will only make them feel insignificant, giving them more reason to feel sorry for themselves. Take time to let them get it all out of their system and then you can offer and advice or pearls of wisdom you have hidden up your sleeve.
Have a moan as well
Fuck it. Screw positivity and seeing the silver lining on every cloud. Sometimes we all need to wallow in our own unhappiness for a few hours whilst eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. If you’re friend is complaining about something that you identify with -or something that you simply can’t seem to comfort them about – get stuck in there too and bitch about life.
Be active
If you know you’re going round to a friend’s house and they’re destined to be in a stinker of a mood, try and entice them into doing something to take their mind of it. Using up nervous energy is great way to release your natural endorphins too so exercise is a great option! You could suggest swimming, yoga or even a walk around the shops to help act as a distraction. I would also recommend getting them to try something out of their comfort zone as the feeling of satisfaction you get after doing something you’ve always avoided is exhilarating. Even something as simple as baking a cake together can lift someone’s mood. This will also help keep your mood elevated if you’re starting to feel the weight of acting as agony aunt 24/7.
Don’t let it affect your mood
OK, granted this is easier said than done but try your best to not take on other people’s baggage as your own. You can be a wonderful friend just by being available and lending a shoulder to cry on, you don’t have to solve anyone else’s problems for them. Take it all in and afterwards try to forget about it as much as possible. This might seem insensitive but it’s important to keep your own head straight. Practising mindfulness is a great way to do this as it forces all thoughts out of your brain, leaving you with nothing but empty space and time to breath, relax and feel ready to create your own happiness.
I’ve been blogging solidly without a break for about a month now. That’s a drop in the ocean compared to the celebrity bloggers out there who – after years of hard work – have found internet fame, book deals and personal assistants to do all their flat lay photography for them.
There’s a huge community of us small-time or start up bloggers now and the topic of discussion at the moment seems to be ‘positivity’.
To me, this seems to be the get-out clause for not actually giving an opinion on anything. It’s the broad brushstroke that will cover up bad experiences, feeling marginalised, scrutinised and anything else that could possibly be taken out of context and held against someone to question their character, which in blogging apparently must be squeaky clean.
In a world where our internet presence has become our ‘brand’, and the number of followers we have is what gives that brand ‘value’ it’s understandable why people shy away from talking truthfully about seemingly uncomfortable topics.
I recently read a post by Vix Medrew called Bloggers – Online vs. Real life which is written completely honestly, by a girl who attended an event and was surprised by how some well-known bloggers and You Tube stars acted in real life. She certainly let it all out in this post, and seemed quite angry and disappointed at how the day went down in her eyes.
Divided opinions
When this post started doing the rounds on Twitter it really split people into two camps. There were a few famous bloggers retweeting the post, horrified that someone should have a bad word to say about the people who are deemed so ‘perfect’ by most people. Then there were other people saying well done and thanks, thanks for writing about an experience that they too had encountered, but hadn’t wanted to put out there in fear of judgement.
Who’s opinion is it anyway?
The point is that no one gets to tell you what your truth is, and if it’s not positive then it still needs to be talked about. If Vix says that’s how it went down, then respect to her for getting it off her chest. She probably knew she was going to lose a few followers or upset the odd reader but she wrote it anyway. It’s her opinion on her blog, and she’s entitled to that whether people deem it as unnecessarily negative or otherwise. It opened up a discussion about something that’s vaguely interesting in a world full of Kylie Jenner make up tutorials and bullet journal photographs.
More honesty required
Blogging doesn’t need more positivity, it needs more honesty. If you’re digging that new handbag you bought then blog about it. If it turned out to be crap then write that instead.
If you’re shitting yourself about starting university then blog about it. Don’twrite posts about how you have your capsule wardrobe sorted and your carefully selected pineapple stationary to hand. Tell the world how you’re scared you’ll be alone, that you won’t fit in and might get lost on your first day. Because the chances are there’s plenty of people feeling exactly the same and they’re dying to connect with you.
Even if no one comments on your blog, the act of self-expression is important enough for you continue writing truthfully. When you finally let go and share honestly with the world online you will feel so free and more creatively fulfilled than ever before, because you’ve shared something that is unique to you, and that’s what will stick.
What are your thoughts on positivity in the blogging world?
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