DEPRESSION Archives - Page 2 of 11

Being offline, writing a book and eating ice cream for breakfast

by Fiona likes to blog | Oct 8, 2018 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, Freelance

It seems fitting that the last 12 months of my life have been bookended by two amazing – yet entirely different – holidays.

In the summer of 2017, I watched as everyone else in my workplace jetted off to various locations from Tenerife to South Wales, only to throw my hands up in the air towards the end of September and scream ‘I NEED A HOLIDAY’ in an entirely unnecessary and dramatic fashion.

I called my mum and within a few days, we had booked to go to Menorca for the last week in October, getting a bargain deal and returning home on the last flight before the island quite literally shut up shop for the year. As I write this blog post, its almost a full year later and I’m on an airplane returning from a very different trip entirely.

Fiona Thomas

We have have spent the last fortnight kangaroo spotting and beach-hopping in Melbourne, Australia, where we visited my brother and his wife. See my comedic grin above where I was snapped chilling out with my little brother in Oz.

We’ve never been keen travellers, so having two sunny trips abroad in the space of a year has felt like a real treat, but I think it’s also fair to say that I’ve felt in dire need of the true relaxation that comes with getting away from UK life, the pressures of work and the painful reliance on social media and technology on a minute by minute basis.

If you’ve read my blog before you’ll be well aware that I’ve struggled with my mental health. It’s not something that I’m ashamed of anymore, in fact, I kind of make a living out of talking about it.

Whilst I was lying poolside in Menorca last October I realised that after writing hundreds of blog posts about depression and anxiety, I was ready to embark on something new, something more exciting.

I jotted down the title Depression In A Digital Age and thought that it would make a really cool book title.

Just a few weeks before I packed my suitcase to travel down under at the end of last month, I submitted the final draft of my memoir called ‘Depression In A Digital Age’ and I now patiently await its release at the end of November.

Can a holiday really change your life?

Had you asked me that in June of 2012 I would have laughed and cried simultaneously, as I slid into my sixth week of sick leave from work with a fresh diagnosis of stress, depression and anxiety.

I had booked a week in Spain a few months beforehand and the thought of going away was filling me with dread.

As I struggled to keep my head above water and come to terms with the black cloud which followed be around on a daily basis, my mum chirped positively ‘maybe a holiday will do you good!’

In this particular case, a week in the sun was nowhere near close to the kind of self-care and medical attention needed to bring me back to life, but I can see now that in less pressing circumstances how a holiday can do wonders for the soul.

Just look at how happy I was to get my picture taken with this image of a carrot when I was in Oz! How much more proof could you need?

I’ve spent a lot of my recovery attached to my phone. As a textbook introvert, I feel at home online where I can carefully work out my anxious, complicated thoughts in a WhatsApp message or one of these lengthy blog posts.

I’ve unexpectedly connected with some of the best people in the world, making life friends who are not relegated to my DMs but have become coffee buddies, workmates and people who I call when I need to talk.

But with the online world comes the addiction and self-gratification of posting selfies (nothing wrong with that) and checking how many likes said selfie has received every 5 minutes until it reaches a number that feels good.

In the same way that my work inbox gets to an unmanageable stage a few times throughout the year, the constant ringing of smartphone notifications becomes stimulation overload to the point where I need to go cold turkey.

One of the best bits about going on holiday is selecting the books I want to read, and whilst in Australia, I read a collection of essays by Laura Jane Williams called Ice Cream For Breakfast.

It’s been on my reading list for months and I devoured it whilst we drove in between vineyards in the Yarra Valley in Australia just a few days ago.

Sometimes you need to actively seek out those magic moments. Book the holiday, schedule in the downtime and make a conscious decision to turn off your data (actual heaven) and be in the moment.

In between tasting the finest pinot noir in the world, spending two weeks with my favourite people and reflecting on the best year of my career so far I even accidentally managed to fulfill one of Laura’s best pieces of advice by literally having ice cream for breakfast.

It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?

Buy my book on Amazon!

Flexible working: An unrealistic goal for self-employed people with mental illness?

by Fiona likes to blog | Jul 26, 2018 | DEPRESSION, Freelance

Flexible working is a BIG old buzzword in 2018.

It’s what mothers have been denied for years, and only now in the digital age are businesses and entrepreneurs starting to pull together some sort of plan to help workers find hours to fit around their needs.

A new survey says that of 1,800 UK professionals (78% of whom said “their current or most recent employer offered flexible working”) found that 30% of flexible workers felt they were regarded as less important, and 25% said they were given fewer opportunities than colleagues who worked conventional hours. A quarter also believed they had missed out on promotion.

Emma Gannon has been the champion of flexible working in the last few years, and with the release of her most recent book The Multi-Hyphen Method she has firmly rooted the notion of freelancing in thousands of young adults across the world. I too jumped on Emma’s wonderfully positive take on all the great things that are possible from being self-employed, and went fully freelance in January 2018.

This was half out of a passion for the job and half out of necessity for my mental health. Every job I’ve had as an adult has been hard to maintain because of my inability to cope with stress. I don’t mean coming home to have a moan every night because my boss didn’t give me a promotion. I mean leaning on booze, dabbling in self-harm, hiding in toilets and verbally abusing staff members as a result of my depression and anxiety.

I knew that working in catering was unsustainable so I built up my experience as a writer and social media manager and jumped into the world of flexible working, hoping that it would hold the answers to my prayers. It’s been a pretty stressful transition

Don’t get me wrong. I would much rather be sitting at home typing on a laptop than waiting tables and scrubbing a dishwasher every day. One job isn’t better than another, but having to be in front of customers pretending to be happy-go-lucky just wasn’t possible for me on a consistent basis.

So at home, sat in my pyjamas sporting six day old hair (yes, six) I can be as sad as I like and still be productive. Or so I thought.

The last few months have been testing. I’ve had the flexibility to work the hours that suit my mood. Sometimes this has meant a long lie until 10am and then a really productive afternoon. In the beginning, I was able to take self-care days as required, where I would turn off my phone and get outside in some fresh air. Or just lay on the sofa and watch a movie. But that idea of flexibility has all but vanished.

Now, I sleep in late because I’ve more than likely worked until midnight the night before. Self-care days have turned into self-care ‘moments’, like wearing a face mask whilst I chase up late invoices or doing my dishes in between proof-reading. I’m constantly dangling a carrot in front of each long stretch of work, and basic necessities such as showering are now becoming an afternoon reward as opposed to a morning routine.

I have friends who are in the same boat. My friend Fay has a chronic illness and works from home because it’s the only legitimate way she can earn a living whilst managing her ever-changing symptoms.

Like me, she thought it seemed like a great idea from the outset, but when it comes to actually taking the time off she needs (the reason she chose to work from home in the first place) it feels logistical impossible to do. There is no sick pay. Zero. There’s also a lot less compassion from clients when you tell them that you’re going to miss a deadline because you’re mentally unwell.

And that’s if you even have the balls to tell them that you’ve got a mental illness. It’s hard enough to tell one boss, but to announce is to 5, 6 or maybe more individual people who are all paying your wages with no obligation to keep using your services? Nah mate, I’ll keep it under my hat for now.

It’s not just creative freelancers who are feeling the stress. A recent article on Techcrunch.com reported that Deliveroo’s flexible working was comparable to 20th-century dockyards;

where workers would gather around the dock gate desperately hoping that they would be offered work, and where only some workers were fortunate to be offered fairly regular shifts, while others were offered no work at all.

But on page three of her book, Emma Gannon enforces that this is exactly the kind of mentality flexible working is supposed to stamp out. She writes;

Being a multi-hyphenate is about choosing and strategising a plan of attack and having the freedom to take on multiple projects, not being backed into a corner. This is about choosing a lifestyle. This is about taking some power back into our own hands.

Well, that sounds amazing, and although I do feel a lot more in control of my day to day life I can’t help but feeling that I AM still backed into a corner. I’m going through a stage where I’m doing a hell of a lot of work for not much money. I didn’t publicise this when it was published, but you can read my anonymous Money Diary on Refinery 29 to find out the details.

The truth is that I work more now that I ever did when I was a store manager or running the catering facility in a busy tourist attraction. I am working MORE and earning just about enough to get by.

Is this the lifestyle I was looking for? Not quite.

The most important things that counselling has taught me

by Fiona likes to blog | Jun 4, 2018 | DEPRESSION, Uncategorized

If you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness then you’ve probably been told a million times that it’s good to talk.

Being open and honest with your partner, family and friends is definitely a step in the right direction as keeping your feeling bottled up is a recipe for disaster.

But the truth is sometimes your nearest and dearest – no matter how hard the try – don’t always say the right thing, because they’re not trained in how to deal with your illness.

That’s when talking to a professional counsellor can really help, because you can get more than just comfort and reassurance – you can actually learn the skills to get better.

Here’s a few things I learned from counselling:

1. Consistency is key

You can’t rush recovery, and consistency is really important to make sure everything is roughly going to plan.

I became so reliant on alcohol to cope that I had to give it up entirely, and if I had fallen off the wagon after a few weeks and claimed it wasn’t working that wouldn’t have been a consistent approach.

I actually gave it up for a whole year, and that commitment gave me the energy to be on time for all of my appointments and also helped me recognise what my emotions were really doing without the impact of booze on my system.

2. You’ve got to do the work

There are a lot people who think you can just ‘choose’ to get better from a mental illness, but it’s a lot more complicated than that. When I was in the worst phase of my depression I didn’t even think getting better was an option, I thought I’d be unhappy forever.

But after the little boost from medication I eventually got to a point where I could make more conscious choices, and that’s where counselling came into play.

I had to make the choice to turn up for my appointment every week, tell the truth, and decide to do the difficult things like avoid alcohol and put myself in awkward social situations. At the time it all felt like such a slog, but you really have to do the work to get better. It won’t just happen on it’s own.

3. I’m my own worst enemy

One of the turning points in my recovery was during a counselling session where I was asked about why I felt under so much pressure to be a high achiever.

I was listing off all the things that I had to deal with at work, as well as chores at home like having a perfect garden and a clean and tidy house.

I said something along the line of ‘every other person can manage to do all these things at once and I can’t do it’. My counsellor asked me ‘who are all these other people?’ and I kind of shrugged and said, ‘everyone!’.

She explained that this was just an assumption I had made about everyone else in the world, when actually it was ME who had set the unrealistic standards for myself, and no one else. I was assuming that everyone else had it all figured out when that’s simply not true.

4. Rest is part of the process

I’ve always been an impatient person.

I would much rather rush a task and get onto the next one instead of taking the time to make the first one perfect, but I learned through counselling that actually going slow and having lots of rest is beneficial.

I personally got into a state of depression over a space of several years, and it takes a lot of rest and taking care of yourself to undo all of that damage that has been done.

More about counselling here.

7 reasons why you need to make an emergency self-care box

by Fiona likes to blog | Feb 22, 2018 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION

I’ve had my reservations about the term self-care. It seems to be taking over the internet, forcing us to take regular bubble baths and spend a fortune in Lush products in order to maintain sanity and I’m really not feeling that way of life. Recently though, I looked bit deeper into the meaning of self-care and I had a bit of a revelation.

If you’re struggling to understand exactly what self-care is and how it should be practised, simply remove the first word and you’ll find a simpler way of looking at it. So remove the word ‘self’ from the equation, and reflect on the word ‘care’ for a moment.

What does the word ‘care’ mean to you? It makes me think of a hospital, or an old folks home. It conjures up images for good Samaritans giving out hot food to the homeless, or a mother caring for a newborn baby.

Care is all about taking steps to maintain heath, especially in those who are vulnerable. Self-care is all about applying this concept to yourself.

What does it mean to you?

Self-care is an individual thing. For you, it may very well be a bubble bath and I don’t want to take that away from you! But the reality is that it can vary greatly from person to person and change dependent on the situation.

Sometimes the time when you really need to take care of yourself is when you’re feeling at your absolute worst – maybe you’re physically exhausted or just mentally drained – and that’s when an emergency self-care box can really help

1.It’s like mental health insurance

When you’re feeling low, you might hear that nagging negative voice in the back of your mind that likes to tell you that your worthless. I get it quite regularly, and it has the potential to hinder your ability for self-care.

If you’ve taken the time to prepare a little box full of things that might make you feel better, it’s like having a box of bandages ready for when you cut yourself. It helps you heal faster.

2. It’s cheap

Are you prone to a bit of retail therapy when you feel crap? Good news then, because making this little box of self-care activities should theoretically distract you from your usual bad habits and replace them with warm and fuzzy feelings.

3. It’s creative

I’m a huge believer in creativity as a force for good in the world of well being, and the act of making your emergency self-care kit will be a project of this nature. It will give you a chance to explore the sides of your personality that come out when you feel low, and figure out how to soothe yourself through other activities.

4. It’s convenient

No more rummaging around for a face mask when you need a little pick-me-up, or building yourself up to visit the pharmacy for painkillers. Everything you need should be in your kit so that all you have to do it grab it and select what you need in that moment.

5. It’s fun to make

You can keep it simple and fill a shoe box with everything you need, or take it one step further and make it into an entire project. Go through magazines and find images and quotes that inspire you, then use them to decorate the box so that it fills you with joy whenever you look at it.

You could even ask friends and family to write positive notes that you can open up when you need them, and include photos and fragrances that evoke good memories.

6. It’s unique to you

There will be no other self-care box that meets your needs better than the one you make yourself. Fill it with your favourite smells, lotions, drinks, music and photographs to make sure that whenever you open it you feel totally at home.

7. It’s a thoughtful gift

Once you’ve mastered making one for yourself, why not try making a gift for a friend or family member? Again, this can be as creative as you like so you’re actually using it as a self-care activity for yourself too. Checking all the boxes!

My suggestions:

One of my mental health zines You Got This – both of which are filled with kind words and friendly advice on how to deal with down days.

Anything by Laura Talanti, it’s all really thoughtful and beautiful to look at

gifts for depression
These positive affirmation cards are a daily routine for me, but you could add some to your box for when you need some good vibes

Some sort of notebook, like this Five Minute Journal

What will you put in your self-care box?

Going freelance and feeling like an imposter

by Fiona likes to blog | Feb 9, 2018 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, Uncategorized

I recently quit my job, again.

This is a cycle which has played out repeatedly over the last six years, often as a result of feeling completely overwhelmed at work to the point where my only way out is to start afresh.

I’m the queen of taking on too much. I always start a new job with the best of intentions, knowing full well that my history with depression and anxiety leaves me susceptible to stress a lot more than the average person.

The unfortunate thing is that I’m a total people-pleaser as well as a bit of a swot, so if I can take on extra responsibility at work as well as help my employer out then I’m all in. I’ll happily push myself right to the edge mental health wise in order to appear like the best worker.

It’s silly, but it’s who I am and I’m trying hard to change. I’ve been juggling my day job in a local sandwich shop alongside this blog, freelance writing and some social media management for about six months but in December 2017 it all got to be a bit much. I certainly wasn’t planning on relying solely on my freelance income this year but hey, life doesn’t go to plan sometimes.

After I quit I kept it on the down low. Looking back now, its a shame because going solo in the world of freelance is actually a big, exciting step in my career. I didn’t want to shout it from the rooftops until I’d fully digested what had actually taken place, as it all happened in a bit of a blur. After being freelance now for a whole two weeks (am I an expert yet? Hell no) I can say in all certainty that I know why I’ve been keeping it quiet. I feel like a big, stinking imposter.

It wasn’t until I was watching one of my favourite You Tubers Aine talk about living authentically in her last (very candid) video that I realised this. I’ve known about ‘imposter syndrome’ for years, and I’ve felt it at various times throughout my life. I felt it when I got invited to my first big blogging event (a Superdrug press day folks, where I got a free flu jab and a goodie bag!) and I felt it when I got my first article published on the Metro.

It’s that gut feeling you get when you think that you have absolutely no right to be doing your job, and that any minute now someone’s going to come banging on your door and asking you to hand in your name badge, screaming “who the hell do you think you are?”

The past few weeks have been a but of a roller-coaster. I’ve had to try and manage my own workload, something which can be easy when you really love what you do, but still quite difficult when there’s no one there to force you to crawl out of bed in the morning. The result is often a compromise; working in my pyjamas from under the duvet until I’ve woken up enough to hop in the shower before midday.

Does this make me an imposter? I don’t think so. I know plenty of writers and social media managers who openly talk about working from home or ‘bediting’ as I heard one You Tuber call it, so I think in that respect I’m surrounded by lots of people with a similar frame of mind. Should I be up at the crack of dawn knocking back espressos and typing up thousands of words before the sun rises? Definitely not. It I did that I’d be an imposter in my own life, and totally wired from too much coffee and not enough sleep. Not my style.

So as the first few weeks of being freelance draw to a close, do I still feel like an imposter? Hell yes! I don’t think I’ll ever fully accept that people actually want to pay me money to write, because I love it so much. I’ll probably always live with the fear of being rumbled, exposed as a fraud for all to see.

But until that moment comes, I’m getting stuff done. I’ve got my gang who support me without question. I’m hustling away quietly (yes, sometimes from my own bed) and I’ve got some really exciting projects to share with you this year. I can’t wait to get started!

Gift ideas for friends with depression

by Fiona likes to blog | Nov 29, 2017 | DEPRESSION

Buying gifts for friends with depression can be tricky. You want them to feel loved and appreciated, but often they have no interest in things that usually make them happy.

I find it hard to ask for presents because I often feel like I don’t deserve any, but when people do make the effort to choose me a thoughtful gift it can really lift my spirit for the day.

I’ve also written about gifts for people with anxiety, which you can read here.

Books about mental illness

One thing that really helps me work on my own mental health is by reading about other peoples’ experiences. I absolutely love Bryony Gordon’s Mad Girl, it’s one of my all-time favourites.

You can take your pick from the Trigger Publishing and they have an extensive range of memoirs in the ‘Inspirational Series’ which includes my own book.

My particular story is all about social media and how it can play an important role in recovery and relapse in equal measure. You can order it on Amazon.

T-shirts

These Have Hope t-shirts were designed by my brother.

They are perfect for skateboarders or punk rock fans, and the bright colours and graphic prints are unlike any other mental health brands I’ve seen.

For more mental health awareness merch ideas read this.

You Got This: A Feel-Good Zine

If you’re looking for something to boost your mood, I’ve created this beautiful mini magazine which is filled with original writings on mental health as well as artwork by Chloe from The Feels Club.

It’s not designed to cure the symptoms of depression and anxiety, but merely act as a companion for when you’re having a bad day. You can buy it via my shop here.

I Can Cards

Positive affirmations can be hard to implement when you have depression, so these handy cards and a useful way to remind your friends that they are loved and wanted.

The ‘Depression & Anxiety’ pack was created by people who suffer from the illness personally, as so it’s made with the end user in mind.

Every day the person who owns the cards selects one at random and then takes a few moments to reflect on the affirmation.

I’ve been using them for months now and I can’t praise them enough. You can read my full blog review here

Laura Talanti Pins/Stickers

“You Are Enough” is such a simple phrase, but one that I personally need reminded of daily. Giving this gift to a friend is really thoughtful, and acts as a regular pep talk whenever they wear it.

This professionally made soft enamel pin is the perfect reminder to pin to your bag or jacket. It measures approx 1.25 inches.

The teal green pin has a gold metal outline/text. The new glitter option has rose gold metal with iridescent white glitter and a shiny epoxy coating.

These gorgeous glossy stickers are professionally printed durable stickers that will not fade and will last for years on notebook covers, laptops etc.

You will receive two stickers – one of each design. Again, these act as subtle reminders for a friend that you”re thinking about them and that you value them.

One reads “Real Not Perfect” and the other “You Are Enough”.

Five Minutes in the Morning: A Focus Journal

What if five minutes could change your routine and change your day?

What if you checked in with how you are feeling for just those few minutes, maybe sitting down over that cup of coffee or tea, or quietly sitting by the window before you head towards the shower?

Often people with depression don’t make time for themselves, and this is lovely journal to encourage a few minutes of personal reflection.