I never thought I’d be one of those people who would say fitness changed my life. But here we are. I’ve exercised almost every day for the past five years and I don’t want to imagine a life without it because it makes me so unbelievably happy.
It all began with a Zumba class. I trudged along with my mum to a Saturday morning class and discovered the endorphin rush that comes from using your body to move. Really move. I couldn’t get enough of it and I’ve never looked back.
I found a structure to my day which I so badly needed.
When I was diagnosed with depression was told to take some time off work and that turned into almost an entire year of unemployment. Taking time off was absolutely the right call, as I needed some space to let my medication kick in as well as attend regular counselling sessions.
Apart from that and a weekly appointment with my GP I didn’t have much scheduled in my day. I would often sleep for more than twelve hours a night as my body and mind recharged, but when I was awake I would regularly go to fitness classes.
Booking into a Spin class at 7am just didn’t work for me. I was too tired and unmotivated in the morning, but by 5pm I was often full of nervous energy and felt the need to do something productive. I would book ahead to confirm my spot and this meant I was loosely committed to attending the class or I would have to pay a small fine. This worked wonders for me as I was held accountable in a small way for getting out of the house.
I ended up going to between 5-7 classes per week and it forced me to get dressed, socialise with others and get out of my own head for an hour or so. I know people will think that it’s crazy I found the motivation to do that when I was depressed, and I don’t really have a full explanation for that. I just did, and I’m so grateful for that.
I lost my identity and created a new one
Being off sick from work made me feel very vulnerable. The stigma around depression is still so rife that I wasn’t strong enough to tell most people why I wasn’t working. This led to anxiety in social situations because I felt I was going to be caught off guard at any moment and have to explain what my job was, or admit that I wasn’t working at all. I thought without a career title I had nothing to say.
Everyone has their own way of coping with depression, and I found fitness particularly helpful in my darkest moments. When I started going to fitness classes regularly, I tested out every different one I could find. I did Spinning, Zumba, Body Pump, Pilates, Yoga, Metafit and many others. I became quite knowledgable about strength training, fat burning and was also very physically fit. In fact, I was the fittest I’d ever been and that gave me a new sense of identity.
I felt I belonged to the fitness community, even when I couldn’t get out of bed before midday or keep my house clean. When I couldn’t stop crying for days or find the courage to talk to others, I still felt part of a world where – even if just for a few hours – I could thrive. In a fitness class I was just like everyone else. I was fit and able on the outside even if I was crumbling on the inside.
I suddenly realised that I could change my future, and take my career in a new direction.
Putting my career on hold to focus on my mental health was a huge decision. At the time I thought I would absolutely return to my career in catering to be a manager again. After a few months of being off sick, I realised how much my work life had been contributing to my unhappiness.
I wasn’t built to handle the stresses that came along with managing a team, thinking on my feet and having a vision for a department in an industry that ultimately I had no passion for. It’s not to say that everyone needs to be in love with the work they do, but I couldn’t hold a position of authority in a place where I really didn’t care about the outcome.
After going to fitness classes every day for a year I had the idea that I’d like a career in fitness. I knew most of my class fitness instructors by name and many of them encouraged me, and offered to let me shadow them when I started training.
I started off by looking at the options available. To take a group fitness class I would need to do the Exercise to Music qualification. Although I was interested, I was nervous about the idea of standing in front of a room full of people and remembering a routine whilst keeping in time and correcting everyone’s form. I wish I’d had the confidence to go for it at the time but I just wasn’t ready mentally.
The thought of training people one-on-one seemed way more approachable so I signed up for the Level 2 Gym Instructor course and passed. Not only was I pleased that I’d passed the exams, I couldn’t believe how far I’d come in terms of my confidence.
I did the course over five weekends in a place I’d never been before with people I’d never met. I finally realised that if I was brave enough I could do all the things that I’d been afraid to do because of my anxiety.
Since then I’ve moved to a new city 300 miles away from home, found a new job, secured writing work and taken my blog from a hobby to a real passion. I honestly believe that I owe it all to that first step in the right direction when I did a Zumba class. My only hope is that one day I have time to go back and do that Exercise to Music course and add another string to my bow.
Depression is a tough subject. There’s no getting away from the fact that it’s a painful illness that affects many of us, but I want to take a moment to talk about recovery and how it can begin to happen without us realising. I didn’t think I would ever recover, but I did. To mark Mental Health Awareness Week 2017 here’s an account of how I went from just surviving to thriving.
The small things matter again
I can’t pinpoint exactly when this happened for me, but I remember vividly how difficult it was for me to see the point in doing a lot of things. Showering seemed pointless, as did cleaning, wearing nice clothes or taking pride in my home. I didn’t wear make up because I thought, “I just have to take it back off again” so I didn’t bother. This idea of having to do things repeatedly was something that really tore me up inside.
Getting a part-time job was a major factor in helping lift that feeling, because doing the same tasks everyday was essential to doing my work correctly. I started waitressing in a cafe where I’d previously worked as a teenager, so it didn’t take me long to remember how to do everything.
Cleaning down at the end of the night and making sure everything was stocked for the next day was just enough responsibility to make me feel like I could contribute something to society and be helpful to others. Once I saw the positive effect my effort had on other people I felt compelled to continue.
Hobbies are fun again
Although I maintained my passion for fitness during the worst stages of my mental illness, other pastimes didn’t appeal to me any longer. I didn’t enjoy shopping or going out with friends. I used to love going to the cinema but I often found myself unable to concentrate during a movie or would fall asleep half way through.
When I started to take an interest in blogging again, I knew I had won back some of the enthusiasm for life that had been absent for so long. In the past ten months I’ve worked on my blog almost everyday without fail. I still get tired and frustrated with all the hard work but I really enjoy it overall. I get so much satisfaction from being creative and talking about mental illness online that I can’t see myself ever giving it up.
I can spot my obsessive behaviours
Writing about my mental illness means I’ve become even more self-reflective than before. As a result I’ve been able to better judge my behaviour and spot when I’ve been acting irrationally. I used to make family and friends change their plans to make sure I could still go to my scheduled keep-fit classes. I would control which restaurant we went to to ensure I could eat a specific type of food for weight loss, and I would be very anxious if any of those plans changed at the last minute.
I quit dieting about a year ago and since then my whole outlook has changed. I have the freedom to eat what I want and it’s made me feel a lot more laid back about things in general. Now I can see that I was really just using that as a form of control and I’m trying to work in improving that.
I can support others
Having depression makes it extremely hard to be sympathetic to others. I couldn’t talk to other people with depression because I was unable to say any kind words. I felt like I was the only one who felt this bad, and that no one – not even someone with the same illness – would understand.
I spent many months relying on my husband and family to assist me with everything. I needed help getting ready, going to appointments and making basic decisions, so how could I hold my own in a conversation with someone just as vulnerable as me? It wasn’t until I was working with a young girl who had depression that I realised I was strong enough to reach out and offer support to someone else.
Somehow, I’d come far enough to be able to lend a helping hand and acknowledge that someone else was in distress. I don’t know how much I really helped her in the grand scheme of things, but I was always kind and tried to listen to her issues and offer as much advice as possible from my own experience. I didn’t realise I was better until I could actually tell someone else with confidence that they would get better too.
I can ignore negative thoughts
Recently I’ve realised that I’m now able to acknowledge my mental illness and let the symptoms play out without letting them affect me too much. I know the things that make me anxious; busy places, being around drunk people, meeting new people and long journeys on public transport. I’ve figured out that I can still put myself in those situations and not crumble, and it feels amazing!
I plan ahead as much as possible and distract myself when negative feelings arise. I avoid caffeine because it makes my anxiety worse. If I do these three things then I know I can ride out the storm and come out the other end unscathed.
I wish I could say I wake up at 5am every morning and do a home yoga session before breakfast but it’s simply not true. I’m not a morning person. Ew, just saying that phrase feels wrong. How can anyone wake up chirpy? It defies logic to me.
If I’m being honest I have noticed that my day goes much smoother when I use the morning hours to my advantage, so I’ve introduced a few early morning hacks for a happier day.
1.Get your greens & vitamins
Since changing to a plant-based diet in January I’ve been very aware that I need to get all the right vitamins and minerals in my diet to stay healthy. Although I’m certainly no expert, I can tell you that I’ve been taking iron, b12, vegan fish oil and vitamins A, C and D every morning and have noticed I’m less tired and my nails are in great condition!
I’m trying to get more leafy greens throughout the day so I add a cup of spinach to my smoothie too. These simple additions are a great insurance policy to an already pretty healthy diet, and I’ve found it really easy to implement into my routine.
2.Make breakfast convenient
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day and although that’s up for debate, a quick and easy option is always better than nothing at all. Prepping the night before is a good idea if you’re always rushing in the morning. If you like porridge then you will love overnight oats; a chilled version of your favourite hearty breakfast with zero cooking required. Top with different fruits, nuts and seeds to add variety to your morning meal.
For something you can drink on your commute then a protein shake is perfect. I normally drink my Huel shake on my ten minute walk to work. Simply add a few scoops to a shaker and add water. I like to sweeten mine with My Protein chocolate peanut butter flavour drops and it’s like having a milkshake for breakfast!
3.Plan your day
This is something that many of us struggle with. We sleep in late, stumble out of bed and get going before we’ve really planned out what we need to do that day. With a little forward planning it can be easy to make your day more efficient and enjoyable.
I like to plan out my clothes the night before to save time. This doesn’t mean expertly styling a runway-ready outfit! It basically means I make sure I have clean underwear, matching socks and a few work wear options hanging up ready to throw on without too much thought.I also pack my gym clothes to make sure I get in a workout before I come home.
In the morning I spend a few minutes planning what I’m having for dinner and write a list of anything I need to to pick up from the supermarket. I also go through my emails and red flag anything that needs attention straight away. After my shower I spend about an hour replying to emails and write down any tasks which need to be completed by the end of the day.
4.Get handbag ready
Having anxiety means I’ve identified a few triggers that make me feel nervous throughout the day. Going without food for a long period of time can often make me feel sick and panicky, so if I’ve got a stressful day ahead I always try to take a few healthy snacks in my bag for emergencies. My current faves are Clif Bars and Brazil nuts.
I also get stress headaches and although I normally have painkillers with me, I’ve started to try alternative forms of headache relief which is great if you don’t like taking tablets. I like 4head as it gives quick, cooling relief which can be particularly soothing when I’m anxious.
If you’re OK taking tablets you might also benefit from these Be Calm pills from Superdrug. I find even if I don’t take them it gives me peace of mind knowing that they’re right there in my bag if I need them.
For longer journeys it’s always great to remember a phone charger and your favourite book. I also carry a notepad and pen so I can make lists; a good way to easily de-stress whilst on the go.
I have such admiration for people who can continue to work whilst being treated for mental illness. I struggled so badly that I had to quit my job and was subsequently out of work for over a year whilst I built up my confidence to return.
I know for some people going to work is the one thing they continue to excel at whilst their mental health suffers, but for me it simply wasn’t an option.
It took me a long time to come to terms with that. When I lost my career I felt like I lost my identity, but I wish I’d realised that is was OK to be off work. It was OK to need help. It was OK to take as much time as I needed. It was more than OK – it was necessary.
Whether you’re off work for a day, a week or a prolonged period of time; you should use this time to make your recovery as wholesome and speedy as possible.
Don’t beat yourself up
Once you’ve decided to take time off, it can be common to feel guilty about being at home resting whilst your family and friends go out to work. You may feel bad that your colleagues are left with more work to do, but remember they’re mentally well enough to cope with added stress whilst you are not.
With the physical symptoms of mental illness often hard to see, certain employers often doubt whether they are there at all. This can be very frustrating – but try not to let it get to you. It’s merely a reflection of how little knowledge most people have about mental illness, and not an indication of whether or not you should return to work. That’s a decision that should be made by you with the advice of your GP.
Consider your finances
If you’re unemployed or off work long term this can be very stressful for a lot of people. If you’re running out of savings you should be honest and consider making a plan for the future. If you live in the US you may want to have a read of the DRB Capital structured settlement review. I was receiving benefits and Statutory Sick Pay when I was off sick abd residing in the UK, more information on which can be found here.
Any extra cash can be pivotal when you are no longer earning full time, and this will also help take the pressure off you rushing back into work when you’re not totally ready to do so.
Implement a routine
When you’re out off work for a prolonged period of time it can be hard to find structure in your day. I know for me the days often ran into one another, with sleeping taking priority over eating, showering and staying in contact with family. You should try to avoid the days slipping away by implementing a loose routine.
Try setting your alarm every morning and try to follow a basic self-care routine. This could be something as simple as getting up before midday and making a cup of tea. Over time you can add more difficult tasks such as washing, cooking breakfast and leaving the house. This will give some purpose to your days without adding too much expectation or pressure.
Try to stay active
This doesn’t mean going a run everyday or religiously going to keep-fit classes like I did, but it will benefit you to get out of the house and move around a little most days. I know how hard it can be to get out of bed and it’s OK to spend all day sleeping when you need it. But if you do feel the urge to do something like rearrange your bedroom or pop to the supermarket then you should capitalise on that positive attitude.
Completing the smallest tasks can feel like a big win when you’re at an all time low. I remember one day following a bad spell of my depression I suddenly felt compelled to clean my windows. It felt like such an achievement and as silly as it sounds, it was such a great day for me and my recovery.
What steps are you taking to help with your mental illness whilst you’re off work?
Do you ever feel like you need a holiday just to recover from being on holiday? I get this all the time, and I realised it’s because I wasn’t setting aside time for self-care when I was away. We often feel obliged to cram in as much sight-seeing or partying as possible, instead of actually taking time to rest when we have the chance. If you’ve got a holiday coming up I suggest being mindful of a few things in order to make self-care a top priority…
Fuel your body
Although being on holiday is a great excuse to enjoy a few treats that doesn’t mean neglecting what your body really needs. I love this post from Rachael about how overeating at the weekend can make you feel terrible, and it’s exactly the same for holidays. Eat what makes you feel good (cake and chips, obvs) but also eat what makes you actually feel good (you know… the odd carrot, lettuce leaf and potato).
It’s easy to get carried away with trying everything on offer just because it’s there, but remember that self-care means listening to your body and knowing what it wants. I like to eat a big breakfast otherwise I get hangry and all of a sudden I’m ordering a burrito, fries and planning dessert before I’ve even finished lunch.
I personally find that fuelling my body early with a big bowl of porridge and fruit helps be feel satisfied and mentally ready to start the day without feeling deprived. I also like to avoid alcohol (just my preference, no judgements) and drink lots of water, eat plenty of greens and avoid too much sugar before bed.
Find comfy holiday clothes
Wearing summer outfits gives me the fear. I’m not made to exist in a hot climate, so finding clothes that are appropriate is a real struggle for me. I want to wear long, flowing skirts and little white cotton dresses but the truth is chub-rub is REAL. These thighs were not made to meet on such a regular occurrence.
As much as I’d love to look all flirty and feminine on the beach it’s just not comfortable for me. How can I be expected to catch a break when I’m physically uncomfortable? I say wear what feels right.
For me, that’s loose-fitting harem pants, leggings and big-old denim shorts. Being at ease with your physical self is SO important to allow your mind to unwind, so wear what you want and feel free.
Stay active
You should absolutely take time to catch up on some sleep when you’re on holiday. I remember when we were on our honeymoon, we didn’t make it to the breakfast buffet once the entire week and it was fabulous! Waking up naturally without an alarm is an amazing feeling, but try to stay as active as possible throughout the day to avoid any unnecessary fatigue.
Walking outside is so helpful to keep your body ticking over as well as induce those mood-boosting endorphins. It will also help you get a better sleep in the evening meaning you should naturally rise earlier the next morning.
Plan some alone time
As an introvert, I personally find a week stuck in other people’s company a little overwhelming at times. I crave downtime on my own because that’s how I recharge my batteries and find energy for the next day.
My favourite way to find alone time on holiday is to go to the gym. It’s my own space where I can reflect but still do something productive that I enjoy and I generally leave the gym feeling more energised that when I went in. Weird, right?
I know this isn’t everyone’s idea of fun though, so try and find the thing that works for you. It might be a soak in the tub, a massage or a good hour getting lost in your favourite book. Whatever works.
Have you made a self-care plan for your next holiday?
Getting sick is SO frustrating. You eat your veg and take your vitamins but sometimes the body can’t fight off infection without a few rest days. I don’t know about you I can’t wait until we’re all floating heads inside robot bodies (joke).
As someone who prides myself on prioritising fitness and healthy eating I am horrified at the idea of having to take time off work to recover from illness, but I’m starting to see the importance of sick days and nipping it in the bud instead of struggling on and feeling miserable.
With that in mind here are a few simple and easy to follow tips that you might not have thought of for staying happy on a sick day.
Eat carbs
Although you might lose your appetite when you feel sick it’s key to keep eating to ensure you have enough energy to recover. My favourite comforting carbs are pasta, mashed potatoes, rice or a huge pile of toast smothered in peanut butter. If you’re too tired to cook grab a Cliff Bar for an energy boost with zero effort.
If you’re not hungry or you can’t really taste food, I recommend making a smoothie jam-packed with spinach and bananas (I love this post from Amy about the health benefits of bananas) and leave to chill in the fridge before drinking. A nice cold beverage will soothe a sore throat and help keep you hydrated too.
No guilt
There are two types of people, those who call in sick at the drop of a hat and those who would rather die at work than take a day off. Hello! I’m the latter.
I really hate taking days off due to sickness and only do it when my back is playing up because I physically can’t get out of the house. To me, sitting at home feeling guilty is more painful than showing up for your shift when you’re under the weather. I’d rather suffer that day than let anyone else down, but we all know that’s a pointless attitude to have.
I’ve been trying to work on my guilt – in every aspect of my life – for a while now. I’m definitely getting better, but it takes time and practise. If you want to truly feel better about yourself on a sick day then try your best to remember that your health comes first, and without it you’re useless at work, as inconvenient as that may be!
Get dressed
I was ill recently and spent the first day in bed, wearing the same pyjamas all day with my hair matted and my face unwashed. The next day I forced myself to get up, take a shower, get dressed and managed to drag myself to the store to buy some medication.
I felt so much happier on the second day, and although that may have been the medication I also just felt more alive because I was dressed in something other than smelly old PJs. You also might like to take it a step further and treating yourself a face mask. I like this Garnier Sheet Mask because it requires minimal effort but really plumps up dry, dehydrated skin.
Open a window (or at least the curtains)
Fresh air might not be what you’re body is craving, especially if you’re cold, but consider opening all the curtains in your home when you’re feeling unwell.
Studies have shown that workers in sunlit areas are more productive than workers without exposure to natural light, so if you want to speed up your recovery having a natural light source is a good idea.
Not only does natural light increase endorphins and serotonin leading to improved mood, but did you know it can even boost your white blood cell count? Get those curtains open!
Stay connected
Being home alone all day can be a real downer. I’m a total introvert but even I think that being sick needs company! Obviously if you’re infectious (no, I’m not talking about your infectious charm) then it’s a but unfair to subject others to your germs, so you might want to find company via phone. Normally my mum is the first person I speak to when I’m sick because she’s the best at sympathy. Mums are good for that!
Chat to friends on Twitter or WhatsApp but avoid emails in case you get sucked into work related enquiries. Text that friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with, or Skype your long lost cousin. Whatever keeps you occupied and in the loop with other humans is essential.
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use. To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
