by Fiona likes to blog | Apr 29, 2021 | Freelance, PODCAST
April’s a big old month for the Out of Office podcast. My airwaves-generated baby, my child, turned one on 16th April. It’s been an entire year since I started the podcast. And we’re still in a pandemic. But let’s focus on the former, more celebratory news, shall we?
I started Out of Office with the aim of supporting not just people already on their freelance journeys, but particularly the freelance life contemplators, or the ‘I’m-pretty-sure-freelance-is-a-pipe-dream’ dreamers. I want to demystify the freelance life, offer no-BS advice and share both the highs – and lows – that come with hitting out of office for good, so you’re prepared to make your business a success.
So, in keeping with that purpose, here’s the no-BS advice on how to live your best freelance life:
Has the pandemic impacted your mental health? Is that a silly question?
Pandemic life has well and truly impacted my mental health over the last 12 months, so I’ve shared what I’ve been doing to manage the symptoms of stress, depression and anxiety recently.
If you need urgent support call the Samaritans for free on 116 123 24 anytime or for less urgent support email jo@samaritains.org and they will respond within 24 hours.
LISTEN HERE
What do you do as a freelancer when you fall out of love with the freelance life? When it feels like s*** is hitting the fan, it can be, honestly, terrifying. But I’m here to show you it’s possible to get back on track and fall back in love with the freelance life again.
I’ve had periods in my life as a freelancer where I’ve felt a bit stuck and I’ve questioned if I was really on the right path. Last year, when I lost my biggest client, I was forced to reevaluate what I wanted out of my business and it changed my entire approach.
Over on the podcast, I share five things that helped me fall back in love with my business again.
LISTEN HERE
Blogging is what started my freelance career so I felt it only made sense to share my thoughts on how it can help you in your business journey.
You can use your blog as a place to talk about subjects that you’re scared to post about on social media as well as a tool to demonstrate your abilities as a freelancer.
Catch the attention of a prospective client on your irresistible blog and they’re sold.
LISTEN HERE
On the most recent episode of the Out of Office podcast, I share tried and tested ways to grow your platform online to boost your freelance business. Get ready to create content that attracts more clients!
Here’s to another 12 months of Out of Office being in our lives!
LISTEN HERE
Pick up my book – Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss
by Fiona likes to blog | Apr 9, 2018 | ANXIETY
I started planning my wedding in 2014, just two years after my initial diagnoses of depression and anxiety.
On the outside, I appeared to be quite happy and excited but truthfully I found the whole experience rather stressful. To be honest I could get stressed in an empty room and it’s definitely one of my triggers, so I try to keep it under control.
But planning a wedding is a whole new level of stress that I’d never experienced before!
I wrote about my experience in detail in this article which I published on the Metro, and Yvette and Ellen asked me to appear on the podcast last week to delve a little deeper into the subject of wedding planning with anxiety.
Listen to the episode here!
Here’s a little excerpt:
‘I suppose everything’s just times 10. For me my anxiety is triggered by stress, particularly emotional stress, so something like planning a wedding is just a perfect storm really,’ said Abigail.
‘I have anxiety and depression and they kind of go hand in hand, and my trigger’s always stress, so I would get stressed about a tiny little thing and then that would make me anxious and the comedown from that was always depression,’ said Fiona.
Listen to the entire episode on iTunes.
‘Ask for help. I’m really bad at asking for help and even though I know that it would make it easier for me if I asked for help I still find it really, really hard. I feel a lot of pressure to do everything myself, and that’s partly the anxiety to be perfect,’ said Abigail.
‘I would say delegate but delegate wisely,’ added Fiona. ‘Delegate (tasks) to the right person so that you’re not then going to get stressed and take over and end up doing it yourself anyway.’
Listen to the entire episode on iTunes.
What did you think of the podcast? Did it help you feel less anxious about planning your own wedding?
by Fiona likes to blog | Jan 4, 2018 | ANXIETY
Silence is scary.
Have you ever walked into your kitchen and realised that the fridge isn’t working? That moment when you realise that dull humming sound is completely absent is a creepy one.
I don’t consider myself a particularly observant person (I’ve been known to unwittingly ignore my own family because I’m too busy looking at my own fingernails) but silence is something that gets my attention.
As I write this I’m sitting in my local coffee shop – let’s call it Smarbucks – where activity is always happening.
At the counter a couple of Jenner-Kardashian doppelgängers are ordering their frothy frappes to go, whilst a tired looking barista passive-aggressively bangs old coffee grounds into the nearest compost bin. I can hear the murmur of Mums catching up over a cuppa, kids crying for attention and Dido or Norah Jones or whoever playing her greatest hits over the store radio.
But all of this combined doesn’t seem ‘loud’ to me. It’s background noise, a comforting distraction which makes me feel part of a busy little environment where I blend in without too much fuss.
True silence on the other hand, doesn’t feel quite so comfortable.
When I go sleep at night I put my headphones in and listen to music. Whilst I do my make up in the morning I watch my favourite You Tube personalities. As I walk to work I listen to an audio book or a podcast, because I just can’t seem to enjoy peace and quiet.
I’m well aware though as someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, that I need to address this problem. I’m almost certain I’m keeping my eyes and ears distracted as a way to stop my brain from addressing any negative emotions which are bubbling underneath the surface.
I’ve tried meditating, yoga and mindfulness and although I do think all these things work, I’m personally at a stage where I need to take a few baby steps first. So when I came across this focus journal called Five Minutes in the Morning, I thought it was worth giving a try.
I’ve been making time most mornings to sit down with a hot cuppa in my favourite mug (the bigger the better) and make my way through the journal, which is essentially a set of daily prompts to encourage you to write.
I think it’s important to point out that you don’t have to be an eloquent writer to use this journal, in fact, you don’t even need to be a good writer. It’s not necessarily the writing which is important but the time spent focusing on the task at hand.
I find it difficult to sit and be ‘mindful’, wistfully staring into space for five minutes when all I can think about is how much I want to check my phone. My thoughts wander and that’s only natural.
Setting aside this time to write actually forces me to focus on something in particular, helps to start the day on a positive note and gives me space to think clearly before the daily routine takes over.
So what’s in the journal?
Most of the short exercises use writing to explore the theme of focus, whilst some simply require your attention, something which is a great task in its own right.
Some days you will practise clearing out clutter, worries, fears and doubts. Some pages encourage you to explore what really matters to you and how to put those things back at the top your to-do list. There is also a section dedicated to developing your attitude of abundance – celebrating what is good in your life and inviting more of what you wish for.
In a world where we’re constantly striving to be happier, get more done and be more efficient in every aspect of our lives, sometimes we need to stop for five minutes and take stock.
In particular I liked the final set of exercises which help to supercharge your levels of productivity and reach those goals, not always by doing more, but often by choosing how to do less. Doing LESS! That’s something I definitely need to take more seriously.
The thing I love most about this journal is that you can write directly on the pages. The book is small enough to fit in your handbag or bedside table, the paper is matt which is satisfying to write on and pale blue colour scheme is the instant wash of calm which I need every morning.
Above all Five Minutes in the Morning is a creative and emotional outlet, not an essay to be graded. It’s about writing for yourself and to yourself, maybe talking about what you’ve achieved or what your good qualities are.
One morning I wrote that I was feeling tired, drained unmotivated, and just wanted to stay home and eat junk food. I was having a day where I basically wanted to self-sabotage. I wanted to curl up under the sheets and ignore the world and binge eat to feel better. I know myself that this behaviour only heads to guilt, shame and ultimately even more negative feelings and as soon as I wrote that out in the journal I knew I wouldn’t go ahead with those bad habits.
Seeing my feelings down in black and white actually helped me separate myself from them, almost like dumping them on the page helped me let go of them altogether. I think that’s pretty powerful, don’t you?
Head over to my Instagram where I’m giving away a copy of Five Minutes in the Morning to one lucky follower!
Contains affiliate links and PR samples
by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 4, 2017 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION
Gardens make me emotional
The smell of freshly cut grass instantly transports me to the seaside caravan park where I spent the sunshine of my youth. My family spent every summer there soaking up the Scottish sun (there seemed to be more sunshine back then) in front of their compact two bedroom van.
My grandparents watched on whilst my brothers and I cooled off in the world’s smallest paddling pool. The caravan park was filled with house-proud residents, so most afternoons were spent trimming hedges and perfectly pruning plants.
My other set of grandparents were keen gardeners and grew flowers and tended to a huge vegetable patch. The warming, earthy scent of a greenhouse is still so comforting to me, that I often find myself wandering around the Botanical Gardens in search of ‘home’. When I feel lost and emotionally spent the temperature, moist air and smell of greenery fills my heart with something powerful. It’s a sentimental feeling both sad and happy at the same time.
So how can we control our moods with fragrance?
The power of fragrance is something that we all succumb to, and is all part of the subconscious mental connected we have to specific scents. Neuroscientist Rachel Herz says that attaching meaning to an odor is what actually gives it personal significance and leads to the forming of nerve connections linking to our emotions.
Herz says the capacities for both smell and emotion are rooted in the same network of brain structures, the limbic system. The olfactory center also interacts directly with the hippocampus, a brain area involved in the formation of new memories. “No other senses have this kind of deep access,” Herz says.
This means we can use smells to our advantage, and people have even used their sense of smell to help with sitting tests or remembering certain facts.
I’ve used smells to help me remember a loved one, like I spoke about earlier. I can enter a greenhouse, or even just smell the vine on a fresh tomato and I’ll remember my grandpa. Like every other 90s kid I can take one whiff of The Body Shop White Musk and remember every school disco I ever attended in excruciating detail.
According to psychologists you can also use your sense of smell to help create a calming atmosphere. Pick a memorable odour, then pair that with a relaxing meditation session and after repeated use, the odour itself will enduce a relaxed state, even when you don’t have time to meditate – Psychology Today.
Fragrance is part of our identity
For most people the fragrance we use isn’t just a scent to throw on before we leave the house, it’s about making a statement about how we feel or want to be perceived. They evoke memories, give us confidence, make us feel sexy, calm or even sleepy.
Various research has documented the relationship between fragrance and our mood with some changing our mind-set positively. Together with the help of The Fragrance Shop, I’ve identified some of the most powerful feel good fragrances which can help boot your mood.
Bergamot
Bergamot is an essential oil with renowned properties for lifting your mood, reducing anxious thoughts and feelings to leave you feeling calmer. Once used this cleansing scent will leave you feeling awake and refreshed. This is perfect for helping you wind down after a stressful day or before heading into a big meeting.
Jasmine
Extracted from the Jasmine flower, this scent has been shown to boost productivity and focus, whilst also having a positive impact on your mood. Great for late night study sessions or doing something complicated (IKEA flat pack anyone?)
Lavender
Exposure to lavender scent can decrease heart rate. Use the scent for unwinding at bedtime, suggests Avery Gilbert, a sensory psychologist in Montclair, New Jersey. Or take several whiffs to recharge yourself during work breaks. Japanese researchers find that the practice helps prevent an afternoon slump in concentration. I personally love to use a lavender spray on my pillow before bedtime as a signal to my brain that it’s time to switch off.
Limonene
Limonene is an ingredient which is found in the peels of lemon and other citrus fruits. Citrus scents are known to help to promote concentration and have calming and clarifying properties. These scents also help when people are feeling angry, anxious or run down. I like to incorporate this into my showering or evening fragrance routine when I’ve been working overtime or doing a lot of heavy lifting at the gym.
Mixed Floral Fragrance
Research has proven that a mixed-floral fragrance makes people learn faster than in a fragrance free zone. I can’t say I’ve had any personal experience of this but I have always gravitated towards a floral fragrance as my everyday scent. It’s one of those little daily rituals that helps me feel more ‘me’.
Crisp Apple
Extracted from apples, this scent can help to reduce headache symptoms as well as help to shorten migraine episodes. Perfect for tension headaches and other stress related symptoms. Apple odor also helps to control feelings of anxiety during stressful moments and helps us to feel calm.
My favourite feel good fragrances
Monsoon Rose Gold
This sophisticated scent opens with juicy top notes of citrus, rich floral heart notes and decadent woods which combine to create a feminine and sensual scent. It has notes of lemon, fresh mandarin and of course opulent rose. To me this is a classic fragrance, with those familiar rich vanilla, musk and amber notes to give it a truly unforgettable signature. The packaging is lovely and compact, with the beautiful rose gold detailing which it totally my thang.
Missguided Babe Power
Continuing on with the rose gold packaging, this Missguided scent is designed to evoke a feeling of strength, confidence and femininity. The box even comes with 10 Babe Power commandments which I think it actually pretty cute. I do LOVE my positive affirmations! The scent is as feminine as you’d expect it to be, and the perfect night out fragrance for me.
It bursts with zesty grapefruit and sour cherry, sharpened with crisp apple and pink pepper. At its heart, orange blossom is accentuated with soft peony and jasmine for a succulent signature; while vanilla, creamy musk, playful candy floss and amber crystals combine to leave a provocative lasting impression.
Accessorize Lovelily
This one is definitely the most subtle fragrance I’ve used of late. Normally one to enjoy a bubblegum sweet scent, this opens with juicy top notes of raspberry and orange, invigorated with a zesty accord of bergamot. At its heart Muguet (lily of the valley) combined with Jasmine add a fresh and floral depth. Perfect for an understated everyday perfume, Lovelily will help calm and soothe your mind whilst giving you a little boost when your need it.
What’s your favourite feel good fragrance?
Contains PR samples
by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 21, 2017 | ANXIETY
Contains affiliate linksA few weeks ago I booked tickets to a free event at the BBC Academy in Birmingham. The thought of getting to hear my girl crush Emma Gannon chair a panel about social media was exciting enough, but getting to go for free was the icing on the cake.
In the lead up to the event I spoke to some fellow bloggers I’d met online and arranged to meet them beforehand. We swapped information via Facebook and met up on the afternoon of the event and spent the rest of the day together.
Although admittedly we didn’t actually get much time to chat on the day it was still nice to put faces to names that I’ve been speaking to on Twitter for months. All in all, it was a successful day. You might say I sound a normal person in a social situation, certainly nothing to write home about, eh?
Flashback to July 2012 and I remember standing barefoot in my friend’s kitchen, in tears. We had decided to cook a roast dinner and at the last minute she had invited a few others round to join us. Although at first I nodded in agreement, inside my stomach was churning at the thought of talking to these people I’d never met before.
I stood there mindlessly peeling carrots for a few minutes before the anxiety induced flight or fight response kicked in big time. I stuffed my feet into my trainers, grabbed my bag and ran out the front door with one arm in my denim jacket. I shouted “sorry” from the bottom of the steps and legged it to the train station.
This was just one of maybe fifty scenarios which ended in a similar fashion. Social situations were simply not on my ‘can do’ list for about five years. So how did I transform myself from a socially anxious shell into a flourishing social butterfly? Here are the basics….
1. Self-reflection
The first step is to stand back and take a look at the current state of affairs. Granted this may be difficult to do as you’re probably knee-deep in your own mental illness, and so self-reflection is something you probably don’t want to do. You might even avoid thinking about all of your negative behaviours because it might be a trigger for a depressive episode. I get it.
This is a learning curve and you can’t start on the self-reflection part until you’re really ready. For me this meant a few months of letting my medication kick in before I could honestly take stock of my own behaviours. As soon I was out of the darkest part of my depression I felt stronger and able to change my ways. It’s hard, so don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you need more time to recover before you start this next stage.
When you’re ready, it’s time to identify your safety behaviours. I recently learnt about these from my friend Kelly’s book Social Anxiety to Social Success. She explains that safety behaviours are things that you do because you think they will help you cope better in a social situation. It makes you feel less anxious at the time but it doesn’t actually help you in the long term.
You need to identify your safety behaviours and figure out how to stop them. From going though Kelly’s book and using the worksheets provided I figured out that my safety behaviours are overeating, avoiding eye contact, chewing my lip, picking the skin around my nails and refusing to talk.
2. Journaling
I frickin’ LOVE journaling. This blog is effectively my diary and I use it as a emotional outlet almost everyday. I find it’s good to start writing without a particular topic in mind as it allows my mind to wander, find what’s bothering me and dig around to unearth the root of what’s going on.
It’s amazing how quickly I can figure out what’s making me anxious once I put pen to paper. You can use journaling as a way to record when your feel anxious, describe your symptoms and what’s worrying you. Sometimes it takes a few days or even weeks before you can look back and connect the dots between life events and anxious feelings.
In Kelly’s book she’s actually put together a great worksheet which helps you create a list of scenarios which make you feel anxious. She then guides you through them helping you figure out which ones to tackle first. There’s no obligation to jump in feet first – quite the opposite actually – and she’s so good at explaining how to carry out all the small steps to take action against social anxiety. It’s made me realise that there are still a few social scenarios that I’ve been avoiding and now I feel equipped to take them on!
3. Exposure therapy
You’ve probably heard of exposure therapy before, but don’t worry it’s not as scary as it sounds. I’ve actually been using it without the help of a professional and had great results. In fact I didn’t ever realise I was doing it, until I did a short CBT course and was taught what exposure therapy entails.
Exposure therapy means doing the thing which makes you anxious. Wait! I promise it’s not torture! Say you were anxious about going to the supermarket. You wouldn’t just walk straight in and try and act calm and collected. You gradually build up your exposure to the situation by taking small steps.
Maybe one week you drive into the car park every day and stay for a minute longer each day. After a week maybe you can walk up to the front door. You repeat that several times until your anxiety decreases. After a while you’ll be able to walk inside, then after that you’ll be able to walk around for a few minutes. Over time you’ll be able to add on steps bit by bit, and ease yourself into the situation over time.
I’ve been implementing exposure therapy myself and using Kelly’s book as a structured guide for some situations which I’ve found particularly difficult. Kelly does the hard work for you by breaking it down into specific examples and helping you create a plan to conquer your fear one step at a time in bite-size chunks.
4. Track your progress
I’ve already mentioned that Kelly’s book has loads of worksheets including a monthly anxiety tracker so this helps you identify any progress you’ve made, highlight any negative thoughts and compare them month by month. You could also do this with a bullet journal or a mood tracker but Kelly’s book is particularly well laid out and super simple to use.
Tracking your progress is important to make sure that you’re continuing to work in baby steps (it’s easy to get carried away once you see you’re headed in the right direction!) and also to see how far you’ve come. This weekend I had to cancel plans because my anxiety was particularly bad, but it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. When I look back at all the progress I’ve made in the last few years I’m so proud of myself, and taking a social rain-check now and again is totally normal and actually a sign that I know my limits.
5. Create a support network
Having someone to talk to about these things has been a major factor in my recovery from social anxiety. It can feel so isolating to only talk to a doctor every few months, and although my friends are caring they just don’t understand social anxiety because they’ve never experienced it themselves. My mates are all really sociable and outgoing, so they can’t comprehend feeling awkward on a night out or struggling with meeting new people.
That’s why having a community online has been a huge help to me. I talk to people on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook everyday and I always respond to emails so feel free to chat to me online! I’m also part of several Facebook groups which provide a private space to talk about depression and anxiety with other people who are going through the exact same issues as I am.
If you haven’t already, talk to your GP about getting on the waiting list to see a counsellor and make sure your friends and family are aware of your situation. Creating a network of lots of people you can reach out to when you’re struggling is key.
So there are my five key steps to managing social anxiety. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s totally do-able especially if you have all the resources and support that I’ve mentioned. Kelly’s book Social Anxiety to Social Success is available to buy online now. You can buy it here (affiliate link)
