I’ve always been a fan of military-style workouts. Burpees, squat jumps, tuck jumps and something called a gorilla crawl (don’t ask) have been my movement of choice. But my osteopath recently suggested I focus on yoga and pilates instead, something that could help manage the chronic back pain I’ve lived with for over 15 years.
Now, I’m not against pilates and yoga. I’ve done them both on and off throughout the years, but in my head the distinction is clear. Pilates and yoga are nice. They’re enjoyable. But my brain likes to tell me that they’re not ‘real exercise’.
Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile
When I think about fitness as a concept, I think about the fittest version of myself. It was about five years ago and I was hammering 8-10 fitness classes a week, often doing 2-3 back to back in order to really feel the burn. I wanted nothing more than to be what society deems as ‘healthy’. After years of consuming magazines, imagery and TV shows that depicted exercise as something to bear through gritted teeth, I nodded aggressively in agreement when the class instructor yelled NO PAIN NO GAIN!
What I can see now is that I’ve learned to associate pain with optimum physical health. Let me say that again:
I associate pain with optimum physical health.
How mad is that? So in trying to mend my injured back I chose the most painful way to move my body and doubled down on it. When I was told to do something I actually enjoy (yoga and pilates) I scoffed at it. Because I thought, how can something you enjoy be good for your health?
I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
If that was true I’d be eating McFlurries for breakfast (that statement is another rabbit hole, because why do I associate delicious tasting food with guilt and overindulgence? The diet industry)
Anyway, I listened to my osteopath and I’ve quit doing all the army-style workouts and over the last few days I’ve been doing yoga. Nice, boring, gentle yoga. Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile. I enjoy yoga but I’m not quite there yet.
The point is, if I wanted to compete in a competitive sporting event or dramatically change my body then yes, I’d have to implement an intensive exercise regime to see results and yes it would be challenging and uncomfortable and painful at times. I highly doubt McFlurries would be part of the plan.
But I’m not a professional athlete.
I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
So my question to you is, what do you enjoy doing? And what resistance do you feel when you consider making time for it?
I get so many DMs from people who say they love to write, that they dream of starting a blog or writing a book one day. But when it comes to sitting down to do the writing, their brain tells them they don’t deserve it. That they couldn’t possible indulge in something that feels pleasurable….
So instead they torture themselves by wasting time scrolling on social media (the digital version of an angry fitness instructor screaming in your face, telling you that you’re unworthy) and they never allow themselves to step away and enjoy the thing they love the most; writing.
Are you ready to take the path of least resistance?
Let me start by saying I will categorically, absolutely, never in a month of Sundays, ever stop eating Terry’s Chocolate Oranges. But I think I might need to limit my intake.
Because I’ve gained some weight and I think I can track it back to a tipping point which occurred in December 2019. It was a few days after Christmas and I was just a few days shy of a January 2nd deadline for my second book, Out of Office.
It’s not a spoiler to say that I met the deadline because you probably already know that the book hit the shelves in October 2020 and became an Amazon bestseller. But how we got to this point? Well, friends, it was a bumpy road paved with processed sugar.
How we got here
I was typing furiously for days, with little time to go to the toilet never mind eat a proper meal. I had overestimated how much work was left to do on the manuscript (oops) and while my friends and family enjoyed pub drinks and visits to the Christmas market, I was holed up in my husband’s childhood bedroom scrambling to finish the first draft.
I’m not entirely sure how I came to own three Terry’s Chocolate Oranges. I know one was mine, for certain. The other two may have belonged to my husband, they could have been a gift from God. How they came to be doesn’t matter because, well, they didn’t survive very long. I scoffed all three of them in less than 24 hours.
I was in survival mode, eating my emotions to fuel my next great masterpiece. Out of Office is a book about freelance life, isn’t it? Well, cards on the table. The freelance life comes with highs and lows and this was most definitely a low point, akin to the Alan Partridge sketch where he drives to Dundee in his bare feet and eats four bars of Toblerone.
I DIGRESS.
Here we are, almost a year later and we’re approaching Terry’s favourite season. The time when Chocolate Orange items appear in homes all across the land. Hidden in cupboards, stuffed into stockings and handed out as the ultimate, fail-safe, ‘I didn’t know what to get you’ edible gift.
Why I want to look ‘myself’ in photographs
As I said, I will never give up on the mighty Chocolate Orange. But I do acknowledge that they’re not necessarily the best form of stress relief and this year has been a tad stressful don’t you think? Being stuck at home 24/7 means that for me, eating has become one of the easiest ways to make the days more exciting.
But in all honesty, I’ve been putting on weight ever since I went freelance. My previous career in catering meant that I was on my feet all day, now I get to do my dream job but it means I’m sitting down, a lot, while I do it.
So when Victoria Beddoes offered to gift me a brand photography shoot, my toes curled. I hadn’t had my picture taken professionally for years. I pretend to be happy in my skin and I very much aim for body acceptance, the truth is I don’t feel comfortable at my current size of a UK 18-20.
But in the spirit of body acceptance, I knew I wanted to go ahead with the shoot. Because I felt that updating my brand images to reflect what I look like now is an important gesture. It shows to other women out there that they can be successful without starving themselves. That they too can eat an embarrassing volume of chocolate and still get shit done while looking badass.
So how did I do it?
How did I show up to a brand photography session and fake confidence when I was feeling less than beautiful?
Firstly, I picked the right photographer. OK SHE PICKED ME. But when I scrolled through Victoria’s Instagram feed I saw that she had already photographed my friend Ruth and knew that she was going to be the perfect fit for me. All of her photographs are candid, laid-back and more importantly, make all of her subjects look like nice humans.
I didn’t meet Victoria until the day of our shoot, but we had a phone call the week before to map out what locations we wanted to hit and the general vibe we wanted to create. So you should definitely take time to find a photographer who has already shot pictures that you like, and make sure to set up a call before you commit to a booking.
Secondly, I took great care over my outfit. I read every article I could find about what clothes work well in a photoshoot and I’m glad I did because my instinct was initially to wear the brightest, snazziest dress in my wardrobe. But what I found is that basics are a pretty good option for a shoot.
A nice white t-shirt, stonewash jeans and a fitted blazer aren’t gonna turn heads at Paris fashion week but hell, they’re classic! And showing up to a shoot in a timeless outfit will make you feel comfortable, which I really think is the most important thing when it comes to confidence. I went for simple skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a green trench coat.
Colours matter
Think about the colours that work for your skin tone. My branding is pink and yellow but if I’m honest, neither of them really do much for my colouring. But dark green? And navy blue? They’re softer than black but still muted that I didn’t feel like I was wearing too much colour. Pick simple jewellery. I went for a plain chain and twisted studs. Something to make you look ‘put together’ but that doesn’t detract from your face, the surroundings or will look dated over time.
If you can, wear some texture. This will show up nicely on camera and add a bit of depth. My t-shirt was slightly ribbed and that added a bit of weight to the top which made it look slightly more formal, but in a good way. I brought a loose-knit sweatshirt and changed into that for variety. When you compare the jumper look to the ones in my trench coat, they look like a completely different day/shoot when really it took less than a minute to make the switch.
Dare to look at the unedited pics
After the first few shots, Victoria let me see the images. This was SUCH a good move on her part because I could see from the pictures that she really knew what she was doing (I never doubted it for a second) and I didn’t look like the total monster I had imagined in my head.
Ask to see the test shots, it will more than likely put your mind at ease which will instantly boost your confidence and make you feel a bit more relaxed on camera. This in itself will mean you’ll strike better poses and create even better images in the long run. Oh, and ask your photographer to direct your poses! Victoria was great at saying things like “now hand on hip, and hand to the hair, and big smile!”
Wear your ‘normal’ make up but intensify it. For example, I wore my night time foundation which is heavier coverage than my normal BB cream. I used a lot more blusher than usual (but in a natural, peachy shade) and softly blended some brown pencil eyeliner for extra definition around the eyes.
I also added bronzer (which is totally out of character for me) but as a pale-skinned gal, I didn’t want to risk looking too washed out in the pictures. I’m certainly no make up artist but I look like ME in the final images and that, my friend, is exactly what I was going for.
Be yourself
For me, it’s been on a lifelong journey to navigate the murky world of being a woman. Society expects us to be so many things. Be delicate. Be feminine. Be small. Be quiet. It’s all so bloody exhausting that I think sometimes we have to admit that it’s best to just exhale, let the muffin top flop out and be ourselves.
Looking back at these images now I don’t see the shame I once felt about my body, shame about my double chins or shame about my penchant for fruit-shaped chocolate.
I just see me, being myself and having a damn good time.
I haven’t always been an advocate of the make up-free life. I remember getting a compliment one day at work when I was in my ‘proper’ job. You know, the type of job that your parents are finally happy about. The kind of job that looks good on your CV. The kind of job that has a title and an office, but bears no resemblance to the dreams you had as a kid.The kind of job that gives you a mental breakdown. Or maybe that’s just me.
I was under a lot of pressure on a daily basis. Something that I now know I can’t cope with. On this particular day – the compliment day – I was constantly being pulled between responsibilities. I managed a big catering outlet so on busy days I had to step away from the computer and instead clear tables, supervise staff and do the dishes.
As soon as the lunchtime rush died down I reluctantly got back to my expanding to-do list which should have been completed before 10am that morning. Oops. Then I got a call from the finance department asking me for the end of month figures.
“End of month?” I thought to myself.
I checked my calendar and saw that it was only April 24th, so how could I possibly give her the end of month figures when the month hadn’t even ended yet? Then I realised that she needed the figures for March, not April. I was a month overdue on my paperwork. Oops again.
I stomped upstairs in my awkwardly tight – but flattering – pencil skirt to hand in the requested stats. I slid the the poly pocket onto Kirsty’s desk and tried to escape without too much small talk. She glanced up briefly and murmured “thanks” before doing a double-take. Her eyes widened and she almost jumped up out of her chair to inspect my face.
“Are those false eyelashes?” she asked, with a curious grin on her face.
I laughed and blushed a little, wondering who on earth would have the time or patience to apply false eyelashes at 5am in the morning. “No, I’m wearing the new Benefit mascara” I said, letting her in on the worst-kept beauty secret of the year.
No acceptance speech required
She congratulated me (as though having lengthy eyelashes warranted some sort of Oscar acceptance speech) and vowed to get the mascara herself in time for the weekend. I was so flattered. Getting that confidence boost from another woman made me feel good. So good in fact, that I continued to wear a full face of make up for the next year as my mental health began to crumble in a monumental fashion.
I awoke every morning filled with dread. Ignoring the symptoms of burnout and mental fatigue I insisted on spending 40 minutes applying layers of foundation, painting on a black liquid eyeliner (an anxiety-inducing task at the best of times) and crafting the perfect set of brows.
As I sobbed in the bathroom at work I made sure to wipe away my mascara-tainted tears carefully and do a quick touch up job to cover any signs of distress.
As I look back now I realise the painful truth. I was pretending to be OK and hoping that if I looked ‘put together’ on the outside then maybe no one would notice that I was cracking under the pressure.
Like most people, I wore make up to feel better about myself. I still do. I wear make up when I want to feel sexy, powerful, confident or to express myself creatively. I wear make up to cheer myself up. I wear lipstick to distract from tired eyes and extra mascara to distract from greasy hair. It’s a wonderful thing!
But for me, nothing feels better than reaching for my cleanser at the end of the day and wiping it all off. Washing away the grime and dirt is so soothing, replenishing and helps me feel like ‘me’ again. It reminds me that although I enjoy wearing make up, it’s important to accept myself barefaced too. I’ve learned to love myself ‘au naturale’ in all my imperfect glory.
But going make up-free really that easy?
I know a lot of women can’t fathom leaving the house without any make up on. The thought of going make up-free in the name of self-care doesn’t make sense to them, and I totally get that.
You think you’re skin is too spotty, blotchy and somehow both dry and oily at the same time. It’s not tanned enough and you hate your freckles. You’re eyebrows aren’t symmetrical and bushy like Cara Delevigne’s and your lips need plumping to mimic Kyle Jenner’s.
I know these thoughts probably go through your head everyday, especially after you’ve just lost an hour of your life to Instagram and are now convinced you need a set of arse implants and a 28 day detox plan to be happy.
But what if you worked on taking care of yourself at a more basic level? Forget all the quick-fixes, add ons and lens blurring filters and instead thought about what’s on the inside? What if you worked on showing your physical self some care and attention before you focused on simply covering up, manipulating or correcting your so-called flaws?
Self-care starts on the inside
You need to set the foundations with positive thoughts about yourself. Surround yourself with people who love themselves the way they are. I know you’re not in that frame of mind yet and you think you never will be, but how do you think you got to where you are now?
You’ve unknowingly surrounded yourself with people who constantly criticise their physical appearance and do anything possible to change it. Whether it’s celebrities getting ridiculous surgeries to change their body shape or the health industry selling you the next fat-burning secret to success. You’ve spent years or possibly even decades thinking that you’re body is somehow WRONG. I’m here to tell you that it’s not.
How you correct that way of thinking is by replacing all those voices with ones who preach how you want to feel. Read articles by body positive women. Follow women on Instagram who understand how you feel.
Maybe it’s a fitness instructor who prioritises strength and performance over aesthetics. Maybe it’s Brummy Mummy of 2 who shows the funny side of parenting. Maybe it’s Kenzie Brenna who swears cellulite is normal and should be on show for the world to see. Find your tribe and listen to what they have to say, talk to them and ask questions. These people have nothing but love for you and your body image struggles.
Still feeling lost? Read this post which details three practical ways to encourage a more positive body image.
But back to the make up-free manifesto I got going on here. Make up-free days are an essential part of my self-care plan. I truly believe that revealing your naked face is a major step in accepting the skin you’re in, and that’s what self-care is all about.
I really started to go make up-free a few years ago and it’s all because I started a new skin care regime. I’ll be honest, I didn’t have ANY skincare routine until I was 25 years old. I used to got to sleep in my make-up and scrub it off with soap the next day. SOAP. Aaargh if only I could turn back the clock and save my poor skin from all that torture!
Let me make one thing crystal clear. I’m not saying that you NEED a skincare routine to feel good about going make up-free. Absolutely not.
But sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction, and a routine which forces us to think introspectively about ourselves is a good start. How often do you actually take the time to massage your face, gently remove make-up and really give your skin what it needs to function at it’s best? Here are a few reasons why I think a good skincare routine will help instil that feeling of self-care in your mind;
You look at your skin everyday
Your face expresses how you feel
A skincare routine is quick and easy to implement
You’ll literally SEE the benefits (point number 1)
It can give you the confidence to go make up free
My skincare routine is very simple and it’s all focused around my favourite brand Liz Earle. It’s available online and in most Boots stores, it isn’t ridiculously overpriced and they don’t advocate a zillion different pointless products. My simple routine looks like this:
Liz Earle is my favourite because the ingredients are kind on my sensitive skin but still really powerful. I’ve found the Superskin Face Serum in particular has made a huge difference to the texture of my skin, evened out redness and has minimised breakouts. I feel like my skin is way more predictable now that I’ve got a routine in place and I only use masks or treatments when I need a little boost.
I’m a firm believer in small tasks adding up to a big result and this is definitely the case with my skincare routine. My routine takes 5 minutes – unless I’m doing a face mask – and just spending that small amount of time each day has led me to this newfound confidence in my skin.
I can now go make up-free with out feeling worried or self-conscious and that’s been a huge benefit to my mental health. When I’ve lost a night’s sleep due to anxiety I can take it slow the next morning, avoid putting any make up on my tired eyes and go barefaced without feeling crap about myself.
Going make up-free is a statement about my strength. It says I’m happy with my flaws. In fact, I barely even see any flaws when I look in the mirror. I just see me. Going make up-free is the ultimate badge of confidence which is almost as comfortable as wearing your pyjamas to the supermarket. Why wouldn’t you do it?
Thanks to all my barefaced beauties who came calling when I asked them to share a make up-free selfie in honour of this post. Go and check their blogs out below!
At a party I recently saw a friend who I hadn’t seen for almost a year. She had lost a lot of weight and was being praised for the achievement by all the women at the party. With my history of rapid weight loss, crash dieting, binge eating and excessive exercising I stayed silent. I wasn’t jealous (I swear) but it just didn’t feel right to congratulate her.
I’ve actually put on about 20 lbs in the past eighteen months and I’m still coming to terms with how my body feels since I quit dieting. I’ve immersed myself in an online world where it’s OK to have lumps, bumps and visible cellulite. It’s also OK to be thin and not have boobs, wide hips or a bubble butt. I believe all body shapes are acceptable and should be represented in the media.
When I meet women who still praise each other for weight loss I feel icky. In my opinion weight loss itself doesn’t make you beautiful, nor does it deserve a “well done” sticker. Weight loss may lead to a healthier lifestyle, more confidence and self-love but that isn’t attainable purely from calorie restriction. It comes from learning to accept yourself warts and all.
In celebration of National No Diet Day which takes place on May 6th, I wanted to speak to online fitness babe Carly Rowena. She’s someone who promotes an exercise regime, balanced diet and above all self-acceptance for what your body looks like at all times.
In the online fitness world there is SO much pressure to appear lean, muscular and eat a clean diet and I’m impressed that Carly cuts through the bullshit and gets honest with her audience. She’s often captured eating chocolate, ice cream and pizza and will express candidly the negative feelings she’s had towards her own body in the past.
When I asked Carly about diet culture in social media she spoke about the importance of being upfront with her viewers;
“I think there is a lack of honesty to a degree, we need to remind people that we don’t eat like that all the time. That’s why I enjoy Insta-stories, it’s a chance to show a behind the scenes. I always try to share my clean days and my relaxed days, honesty is the only way forward”.
As someone who has always dieted, I’m curious whenever a new brand comes to market promising to deliver the best plan for optimal health and fast weight loss. Even if I don’t follow the plan I’m still interested in the science behind new fad diets and how they claim to work. However, Carly promises there is no one perfect diet that will work for everyone;
“We are all individuals so how can we ever all have the same results from the same diet? I recommend people really think about what they want, how they want to live and what they can afford both to give and to spend. Most people just need to make a few adjustments, swaps if you will. We need to stop thinking about our bodies as something we have to keep changing, we need to think about our lives and want we want our bodies to be able to do”.
Dieting has often left me with the overwhelming urge to binge. I would restrict my calories to 1000 per day, only consuming foods which I deemed ‘safe’ such as salad, fruit and vegetables. After a few weeks the urge consumed me and I would eat up to 5000 calories in the space of an hour to satisfy my hunger. The binges continued for days at a time before I forced myself to restrict again, only to result in an inevitable binge eating episode a few weeks down the line.
“Take a step back, rethink what you want from your life. Are you trying to be a bikini competition or an athlete? If the answer to both is no, then why are you trying to diet or train like one? Most of my clients are under-eating which is why they’re forever struggling to reach their goals. Top tip is to write own your food for a week and find out exactly what you’re eating, how many calories, are you getting enough fats, proteins, carbs or fibre, then you have a starting point from which you can make adjustments”.
I’ve found keeping a food diary is a great way to analyse your behaviour if you feel like food is ruling your life. I’ve learned that urge to binge often comes during a stressful time in my life, or after a period of restrictive eating and now I feel more equipped to deal with those urges when they arise.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that ultimately dieting doesn’t work for me. It works on the surface and I can easily drop pounds by making a few simple changes to my food intake but the damage done to my mental state lasts longer and has been a challenge to rectify.
I’m glad that people like Carly Rowena are talking about the realities of over-restriction and the negative affects of dieting. There’s no shame in simply eating for health, exercising for fun and focusing on loving your body as it is!
Will you be celebrating National No Diet Day on May 6th?
Since ditching the dieting lifestyle that gave me the ‘perfect’ body and a twisted mindset, I’ve made a conscious effort to redefine what beautiful means to me. I’ve retrained my brain to realise that not everyone can or should look the same.
We can’t all have a tiny waist, a big perky butt, a generous bosom and golden, cellulite-free skin. The constant quest to be a bit skinnier, more toned and overall more aesthetically pleasing to others is exhausting. I wondered if maybe I could use that energy trying to love myself the way I am, instead of picking apart every flaw I saw in the mirror.
So decided to take action and unfollow any accounts on Instagram that made me feel bad about myself. It’ll come as no surprise to you that Instagram is a big player in how I construct my idea of beauty in the modern world. I’m sure it is for you too, even if you don’t realise it.
I thought following fitspo accounts (FYI I am an avid gym-goer) were good motivation for me. I thought looking at their chiselled abs and jiggle-free triceps everyday would make me workout harder and stick to my low-calorie diet with ease. I thought I was tapping into an endless source of will power; just what I needed if I was going to succeed at creating my dream body. Unfortunately, all it was really doing was convincing me that my body would never be good enough.
It’s not that slim, toned, Caucasian female bodies shouldn’t be inspirational. Every body needs representation. It’s that they shouldn’t be the only type of body we see in mainstream media. It might be inspirational to someone else, but to me it was an unattainable goal that was damaging my self-esteem and mental health. We all need people to look up to, but the pool available to us has become rather exclusive in my opinion. You only have to look at a magazine stand to see that there is a certain type of ‘look’ that gets to bask in the glory of front-page status.
I choose to follow women who are fuller-figured, because that’s similar to my own body shape. When I’m feeling crap about myself I want to scroll through my Instagram feed and see Megan belly-dancing in her underwear and Grace talking about her lopsided boobs, because that shit gives me life. It’s relatable. It makes me feel worthy.
So I’ve surrounded myself with women who don’t normally get media attention, but I forget that the rest of the world hasn’t caught up yet. Every now and again I catch sight of a new celebrity promoting laxatives to teenage girls, or hear that the latest Kardashian show is grotesquely named ‘Revenge Body’, and my heart breaks for the pain and torment our young women are forced to go through as the result of what is forced down their throats.
The good thing with social media is that if we want to, we can control what we see. Don’t like it? Unfollow. Easy. Unfortunately it works both ways and we only see what our Instagram idols want us to see.
The fit-chicks show you their bulging biceps and monstrous pancake towers stuffed with Oreos and Reese’s Pieces. They don’t show you the 5am starts, sleep deprivation, endless cardio and egg-white-only omelettes they endure 90% of the time to achieve their look. I adore images of real women sat in their underwear exposing their tummy rolls. It’s not until I spot the caption underneath – explaining how they felt fat, ugly and reluctant to even share the picture with their fans – that I realise even Instagram-famous girls have insecurities.
The truth is that neither of these images is better than the other. There are the preened models like Ashley Graham who show us that plus-size women can wear designer clothes and walk on catwalks. Then there are the ladies like Melissa who show themselves rocking mini-skirts in the bacon isle . Both are equally important. They are showing the world that we can be whoever we want to be.
The power of what Instagram can do is down it it’s users. We can continue to filter the shit out of everything or we can start posting real images like Kenzie Brenna. She started a campaign called Cellulite Saturday and it’s one of the most fantastic acts of positivity I’ve seen. She actively encourages others to share pictures of their own cellulite and they did.
Guess what? No one dropped down dead at the site of dimpled legs and bums on their screens! Women can be real and authentic and beautiful and empowered all at the same time!
Without Instagram that may not have been possible, so we should be grateful for that. With more women using social media to make their voices heard and their supposedly imperfect bodies represented, who knows where we’ll end up? I know for one I’ll be using it as a tool to spread the word that we all deserve to love our bodies, no matter what.
A few years ago I would’ve planned a fresh new blog post ready to go live featuring my favourite fat-loss tips for January, or how to ‘get back on track’ after Christmas. Now, I can’t be f*@ked with all that.
I still love eating healthily because it gives me the energy to do the things I enjoy, but apart from that I’ve kind of given up on weight-loss. I’ve been there, living the ‘fitspo’ life, and I’m done with it. Here’s why…
I’ve been thin and it wasn’t all that
A lot of people look back on pictures of themselves when they looked different and have distorted memories about how they really felt at the time. When I look back on pictures of myself aged 18 and weighing approximately 200lbs, I was overweight but having the time of my life. I had just moved away from home, started university, was meeting new people everyday and learning who I really was. I was socialising like mad and I was incredibly happy. When I was at my leanest – aged 27 – I was battling depression, anxiety, obsessively over-exercising and following a very low calorie diet. I was still happy but I was very tightly wound and had strict rules about what I ate and was constantly hungry, leading to poor brain function and irritability. I’m not saying that you can’t be thin and happy; but don’t put all your eggs in one basket thinking that it’s the answer to all of life’s problems. You’ll still have problems no matter what weight you are.
Restriction isn’t sustainable
It took me years to understand that pretty much every diet is destined to fail. It’s not your lack of will power that lets you down; it’s the fact that you’re restricting yourself so much for so long that your mind and body inevitably cannot do it any more. The penny started to drop when I read a book called Intuitive Eating, although I still did a few years of crash-dieting before what I read began to make sense in my head. I’ve tried to explain to people that a)learning to love your body as it is will stand you in better stead than trying to change it and b)dieting is almost 100% guaranteed to fail in the long term. The truth is, I didn’t believe it myself until I’d dieted for 12 years, lost approximately 60lbs and gained it all back in the end. Sometimes you have to live through that to see that you’re not the one person that’s going to ‘stick to the plan’ and prove everyone wrong. I get it. Just take it from someone who has restricted food groups for most of my adult life; IT DOESN’T WORK.
You’re not defined by your aesthetic
I’ve written before about how when I feel really low about my body image, I like to remember how I look at other people. I very rarely look at someone and think much about what they look like in a typical sense. I’ll perhaps notice a nice necklace they’re wearing, the smell of their perfume, how friendly they were, if they smiled or held eye contact with me. When I look at my friends and family I see their personality traits; I genuinely don’t think about what they look like in a negative way whatsoever, so the chances are no one else is giving a crap about what I look like either. No one is noticing my double chin, my muffin top and my hairy legs and if they ARE then frankly, they need to get a life. I know that what I bring to the table is more important that a thin body, so why fixate on that small, insignificant part of me?
Your brain can do so much more than just count calories
When I was fixated on counting calories it honestly didn’t leave time for much else. I was always on my phone figuring out what I could eat that day and scrutinizing food labels to see which had the fewest calories. I was always trimming calories at every opportunity, but never eating a proper meal to compensate. I ‘had to’ exercise for a minimum of 60 minutes per day (ideally double that) so my mind and body were both exhausted. I didn’t realise the perpetual use of will power combined with a low calorie diet was draining away all my brain power. Since I’ve stopped fixating on food and exercise I’ve had the energy to socialise and write everyday, which are two things I don’t want to give up.
Food is amazing
I’m sure you’re aware of how flippin’ fantastic food is. We can’t survive without it and we are lucky enough to have almost any kind we desire at our fingertips in plentiful amounts. It’s a great way to socialise, show gratitude, celebrate and commiserate. We don’t need to overindulge but sometimes it’s nice. It’s such an important part of our world that it seems wrong to cut it out and stop ourselves from enjoying it. I’m not saying we should eat what we want, when we want all the time; but maybe its time to loosen up and appreciate what we have?
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