therapy Archives - Fiona Fletcher Reid

Why therapy is magic with mental health advocate Jo Love

by Fiona likes to blog | Oct 6, 2021 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, PODCAST

Let me introduce you to Jo Love. She is a Trainee Psychotherapist, award-winning Mental Health Advocate, Artist and Author of Therapy is… Magic.

In this episode of the Out of Office podcast we cover:

Jo’s squiggly career journey from lawyer to business owner to trainee psychotherapist
Why self-employment isn’t always the key to a healthy relationship with work
What therapy really is (and isn’t)
Things to consider when you think about getting therapy

In this episode, we also discuss our favourite non-therapy self-care activity; journaling. If you’d like to access free journaling prompts you can download them over on my resources page.

About Therapy is Magic

In this part memoir, part mental health resource and how-to guide, Jo Love throws opens the door of her therapist’s office and shines a light on what exactly goes on in the therapy room.

With the help of experts, including her very own therapist, Jo opens a rare window into the real world of therapy, unpicking the magical powers that enabled her to re-find her own voice, restored her resilience through the cloudiest days and ultimately saved her from her own mind.

Each chapter includes:

A therapy list where Jo shares her knowledgeable insights into therapy
Inspirational voices in the mental health space on the life-changing effects of therapy
A ‘From the Other Chair’ section featuring expert opinions from mental health professionals
‘Need Help Now’ suggestions

Therapy is … Magic moves away from the stigma sometimes associated with seeking help, and shines a light on the emotional and physical benefits of talking therapies. Jo Love shows us that with professional guidance we can heal ourselves and the relationships we have, tackle addictions and trauma, and save our minds.

The most important things that counselling has taught me

by Fiona likes to blog | Jun 4, 2018 | DEPRESSION, Uncategorized

If you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness then you’ve probably been told a million times that it’s good to talk.

Being open and honest with your partner, family and friends is definitely a step in the right direction as keeping your feeling bottled up is a recipe for disaster.

But the truth is sometimes your nearest and dearest – no matter how hard the try – don’t always say the right thing, because they’re not trained in how to deal with your illness.

That’s when talking to a professional counsellor can really help, because you can get more than just comfort and reassurance – you can actually learn the skills to get better.

Here’s a few things I learned from counselling:

1. Consistency is key

You can’t rush recovery, and consistency is really important to make sure everything is roughly going to plan.

I became so reliant on alcohol to cope that I had to give it up entirely, and if I had fallen off the wagon after a few weeks and claimed it wasn’t working that wouldn’t have been a consistent approach.

I actually gave it up for a whole year, and that commitment gave me the energy to be on time for all of my appointments and also helped me recognise what my emotions were really doing without the impact of booze on my system.

2. You’ve got to do the work

There are a lot people who think you can just ‘choose’ to get better from a mental illness, but it’s a lot more complicated than that. When I was in the worst phase of my depression I didn’t even think getting better was an option, I thought I’d be unhappy forever.

But after the little boost from medication I eventually got to a point where I could make more conscious choices, and that’s where counselling came into play.

I had to make the choice to turn up for my appointment every week, tell the truth, and decide to do the difficult things like avoid alcohol and put myself in awkward social situations. At the time it all felt like such a slog, but you really have to do the work to get better. It won’t just happen on it’s own.

3. I’m my own worst enemy

One of the turning points in my recovery was during a counselling session where I was asked about why I felt under so much pressure to be a high achiever.

I was listing off all the things that I had to deal with at work, as well as chores at home like having a perfect garden and a clean and tidy house.

I said something along the line of ‘every other person can manage to do all these things at once and I can’t do it’. My counsellor asked me ‘who are all these other people?’ and I kind of shrugged and said, ‘everyone!’.

She explained that this was just an assumption I had made about everyone else in the world, when actually it was ME who had set the unrealistic standards for myself, and no one else. I was assuming that everyone else had it all figured out when that’s simply not true.

4. Rest is part of the process

I’ve always been an impatient person.

I would much rather rush a task and get onto the next one instead of taking the time to make the first one perfect, but I learned through counselling that actually going slow and having lots of rest is beneficial.

I personally got into a state of depression over a space of several years, and it takes a lot of rest and taking care of yourself to undo all of that damage that has been done.

More about counselling here.

Talking to counsellor – the honest truth

by Fiona likes to blog | Mar 15, 2017 | DEPRESSION

If your GP has put you on a waiting list to see a counsellor then you should definitely see one.

Many people brush off the notion of talking as a form of medication , and just want to take pills and power through their illness until they feel ‘normal’ again.

Medication is great. Medication can help alleviate symptoms of depression in order for you to be a little more productive, take better care of yourself and attend important appointments.

But you may find that talking about your problems is the thing you need to fully resolve any ongoing mental health problems you have. If you think it isn’t going to work for you then ask yourself; what have you got to lose?

Talking to a counsellor is a process

If you physically recoil when you think about sharing ‘feelings’ with a stranger then this will seem like an uphill struggle from the start. I didn’t want to talk about my depression. It was mine, my burden and sharing it with others didn’t feel natural or helpful.

I learned over time that sharing my burden was a gift. The best thing is that your counsellor is an outsider.

They are not a family member who thinks you’re taking life too seriously. They aren’t a friend who thinks you’ve got nothing to be sad about. They aren’t an employer who thinks you need to knuckle down and get on with it. They are an impartial person with your best interests at heart.

I found my counsellor especially helpful during the phase when I was returning to work. She was able to give me answers to some of the questions that I didn’t have myself. Should I work full time or part time? What level of responsibility should I have? She also gave me the strength to stand up to my friends and stay away from alcohol when I was feeling the urge to abuse it.

Talking to a counsellor is awkward as hell

Everyone reacts differently to awkward situations. And if sitting down to tell a complete stranger about your inner turmoil isn’t the worst kind of awkward, then I don’t know what is.

Some people laugh, others chat nervously, but I sat in silence. Going into that claustrophobic room, crippled with anxiety and depression was the absolute opposite of what I wanted to do during that period of my life.My body downright rejected it and I had to force myself to enter.

I spent most sessions staring at the floor. I avoided eye contact. I gave one word answers. I said “I’m fine” constantly, to try and fool the woman into letting me out of the painful scenario. My muscles tensed to fiercely that I was physically exhausted from every session I completed. But I completed them.

You have to commit

As difficult as my weekly meetings were, I never missed a single one. Even when I felt like it wasn’t helping, or that it was making me feel worse, I kept going. I knew that this kind of treatment was hard to come by so I didn’t want to lose my place in the programme.

I slugged it out even when I didn’t want to. Part of being depressed means that a lot of the time you don’t have control over your actions, and you might not be able to show up every week. I get it. Sometimes leaving the house just isn’t an option.

But if you can find the will to go then I urge you to do it, and do it consistently. If you show up regularly – even when you don’t want to talk – it lets your counsellor take note of your mood and your ability to cope. This is all helpful information that can be used to track your progress, even if you feel like you’re not progressing much at the time.

You need to be honest

Having a mental illness is draining. You often walk around pretending to be OK for days, weeks or months at a time because you think it’s what you’re expected to you. You tell employers you can cope with extra work, you tell friends you’re happy on a night out, and you tell your partner your just having a bad day because you haven’t been sleeping well.

It’s a vicious cycle where you use so much energy putting on a brave face for everyone that you have no strength left to truly take care of yourself.

Talking to a counsellor is an amazing opportunity to actually tell the truth. Be totally honest. Tell them that you dread getting up in the morning, you hate your job and you don’t want to socialise with anyone. Tell them you can’t find enough hours in the day to wash your hair and match up your odd socks. In fact, these small tasks are so overwhelming that you sob uncontrollably at the thought of doing them.

Nothing bad can come from opening up about these thoughts. They are more than just thoughts. They are symptoms of your illness, and once you’ve got them off your chest I guarantee you’ll feel the benefit. Trained professionals understand them in a way that your friends and family might not be able to and that is an invaluable tool in your path to recovery.

Do you have any experience with seeing a counsellor?