by Fiona likes to blog | Feb 24, 2021 | BODY POSITIVITY, Freelance, WRITING
I’ve always been a fan of military-style workouts. Burpees, squat jumps, tuck jumps and something called a gorilla crawl (don’t ask) have been my movement of choice. But my osteopath recently suggested I focus on yoga and pilates instead, something that could help manage the chronic back pain I’ve lived with for over 15 years.
Now, I’m not against pilates and yoga. I’ve done them both on and off throughout the years, but in my head the distinction is clear. Pilates and yoga are nice. They’re enjoyable. But my brain likes to tell me that they’re not ‘real exercise’.
Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile
When I think about fitness as a concept, I think about the fittest version of myself. It was about five years ago and I was hammering 8-10 fitness classes a week, often doing 2-3 back to back in order to really feel the burn. I wanted nothing more than to be what society deems as ‘healthy’. After years of consuming magazines, imagery and TV shows that depicted exercise as something to bear through gritted teeth, I nodded aggressively in agreement when the class instructor yelled NO PAIN NO GAIN!
What I can see now is that I’ve learned to associate pain with optimum physical health. Let me say that again:
I associate pain with optimum physical health.
How mad is that? So in trying to mend my injured back I chose the most painful way to move my body and doubled down on it. When I was told to do something I actually enjoy (yoga and pilates) I scoffed at it. Because I thought, how can something you enjoy be good for your health?
I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
If that was true I’d be eating McFlurries for breakfast (that statement is another rabbit hole, because why do I associate delicious tasting food with guilt and overindulgence? The diet industry)
Anyway, I listened to my osteopath and I’ve quit doing all the army-style workouts and over the last few days I’ve been doing yoga. Nice, boring, gentle yoga. Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile. I enjoy yoga but I’m not quite there yet.
The point is, if I wanted to compete in a competitive sporting event or dramatically change my body then yes, I’d have to implement an intensive exercise regime to see results and yes it would be challenging and uncomfortable and painful at times. I highly doubt McFlurries would be part of the plan.
But I’m not a professional athlete.
I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
So my question to you is, what do you enjoy doing? And what resistance do you feel when you consider making time for it?
I get so many DMs from people who say they love to write, that they dream of starting a blog or writing a book one day. But when it comes to sitting down to do the writing, their brain tells them they don’t deserve it. That they couldn’t possible indulge in something that feels pleasurable….
So instead they torture themselves by wasting time scrolling on social media (the digital version of an angry fitness instructor screaming in your face, telling you that you’re unworthy) and they never allow themselves to step away and enjoy the thing they love the most; writing.
Are you ready to take the path of least resistance?
Learn more about my writing courses here.
by Fiona likes to blog | Feb 27, 2019 | ANXIETY, Freelance, Uncategorized
At some point, in every job I’ve ever had, I’ve felt like an impostor. I’ve felt unqualified to make coffee, not good enough to manage a team and certainly not smart enough to write a book.
But you know what? I’ve done all of those things, and while I can’t guarantee my cappuccinos were ever frothy enough to win any prizes, I was never truly an impostor.
It was all in my head.
Here’s what I wish I’d know…..
1. It’s real and totally normal
It’s a psychological pattern in which you doubt your accomplishments and have a persistent, internalised fear of being exposed.
2. It gets worse the higher up the ladder you climb
It always amazes me to think that even billionaires feel like impostors sometimes. Every Oscar-winner has probably felt like a fraudster as they make their acceptance speech, having the most exciting moment of their career live on stage in front of the world.
Part of impostor syndrome is that it’s actually rife amongst seasoned experts. Scientists and writers at the top of their game are all likely to experience it even though the world sees them as extremely knowledgable in their field.
3. It’s not just women who get it
While early research assumed impostor syndrome was most common amongst high-achieving women, it’s now widely acknowledged as an issue experienced by both sexes. Tom Hanks gets it!
4. It can contribute to low self-esteem
I didn’t realise that every small piece of criticism I got was feeding into my impostor syndrome. I could get hundreds of positive comments from my boss and then one small negative thing would stick with me for weeks or even months, grinding down my self esteem. This made me feel like a failure and like I was a really bad employee and just a rubbish person in general.
5. It makes you work hard
The more I succumbed to impostor syndrome the more intent I became on proving myself wrong. I was so scared that I was going to be disciplined or fired that I worked really hard to prove to the world that I was a good manager.
6. Sometimes a little too hard
Yes, impostor syndrome definitely contributed to me busting a gut and saying yes to way more things than I could actually handle. I thought that saying ‘no’ was proof that I was unqualified so I bit off more than I could chew which led to burnout and ultimately a mental breakdown.
7. Sometimes it’s a sign you need to move on
I’ve learned recently is that it’s OK to quit. If you constantly feel like a failure and you think that it’s related to your job then maybe it’s not right for you. There is a time in life for getting out of your comfort zone but there’s also a time when you need to be right there in it, just coasting along and enjoying other things.
8. But most of the time it’s a sign that you’re embarking on something exciting
Feeling a mix of fear and excitement at work is quite special. It can propel you forwards. I’ve recently started doing a lot of speaking engagements and I’m choosing to look at it as a learning opportunity. I may not be qualified but the more I do it the better I’ll get at it!
9. There are simple ways to counteract it
I’ve learned two really simple and effective ways to cope with impostor syndrome, so much so that I managed to make a huge career change from working in catering to becoming a freelance writer and published author in just a few years without any relevant qualifications. I talk about it in my book Out of Office; Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss.
10. Sometimes it’s helpful
Don’t believe me? Cosmopolitan editor Farrah Storr puts is like this:
“Those that ask questions are those that get ahead,” says Farrah. Impostor syndrome is nothing but a “control valve that alerts us when we are in our discomfort zone”. And what happens in that dreaded zone? Personal growth. Accelerated growth to be exact.
Have you experienced impostor syndrome? How did you deal with it?
by Fiona likes to blog | Jan 24, 2017 | LIFE
When I was 17 I grabbed a box of the brightest red hair dye I could afford and went from blonde to copper one Friday afternoon in my parents’ bathroom. It was the first time I’d thought ‘fuck it’ and done something on a whim. I kept it that way for a few years, but as my career progressed I returned to my natural shade of blonde in the hope that I would appear more ‘professional’ and ’employable’.
Since turning 30 have had a few more ‘fuck it’ moments; including going back to that copper shade I was when I was 17. I’ve decided it’s time to stop doing what other people expect of you. Here are a few examples..
1. Playing it safe with your hair colour
If you like to experiment with your hair then good for you. Pink and blue hair
is kind of trendy right now, but if you want it that colour until you’re 60 then rock on. Some people think bright coloured hair looks unprofessional but nothing says, “I get shit done” like a mermaid inspired bouffant, in my opinion.
2. Settling for a job you hate
For years I climbed the corporate ladder in an industry I hated. I didn’t have any other skills (or so I thought) after doing the same type of work since I was 17. I spent years getting promoted, taking on extra responsibility and earning reasonably good money for what I did. I had an office and my own department and it looked like I had it all together. Really I was terribly unhappy and it took a mental breakdown to realise my career wasn’t making me happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough to try something different.
3. Eating something you know makes you feel shit
Sometimes only Oreos will do. I get it. But when you’re sat in a restaurant and you know that eating dessert is going to make you feel overly-full and bloated then don’t do it. You don’t have to order burgers and fries when you know you’d rather have salad (those days DO exist, I promise). You don’t have to keep up appearances for fear of looking like you’re a stick in the mud – eat what makes you feel good.
4. Drinking alcohol
A glass of bubbly to cheers to someone’s new job or 30th birthday is often seen as obligatory. Just because someone hands you a free glass of cheap cava doesn’t mean you have to drink it! If, like me you know that alcohol brings out the worst in you; why bother?
5. Going for the healthy option
Similarly, it’s easy to feel like you have to eat what people expect you to eat. So you told people at work you’re on a diet and the next day you want a cheeseburger. You probably don’t want to eat it in front of those same people in case they comment on how you’re diet didn’t last long, or they talk about you behind your back. I felt like this for a long time and I would regularly eat ‘healthily’ in front of others and binge on junk food in secret. This often meant that I would overeat when I was alone because I felt so panicked and ashamed of what I was doing. Eat that goddamn cheeseburger.
6. Wearing something conservative
I spent my life trying to dress appropriately according to my peers. Hearing the dreaded phrase “What’s everyone wearing?” before a night out used to put me on edge. I probably already had an idea of what I wanted to wear and if not, I didn’t need a panel of gorgeous ladies giving me suggestions. Wear what’s comfortable. Wear what makes you feel fierce. Wear whatever is clean that day cause it’s not really that important.
7. Agreeing with someone’s politics
I’m the ultimate ‘nod and agree’ person in any social situation. I hate confrontation (who the hell doesn’t?) so I tend to just go along with whatever the general consensus is on a topical subject and hope that we get back to talking about the weather before it gets too complicated. I’ve realised though, that my opinion is just as important as anyone else’s. If I hear someone saying something that I think is racist, sexist or morally wrong then I think I have a responsibility to question it. If they can see my side of the argument that’s great; if not then at least I can say I tried.
What do you do to please other people? Are you willing to try and stop?
