by Fiona likes to blog | Apr 24, 2017 | DEPRESSION
I have such admiration for people who can continue to work whilst being treated for mental illness. I struggled so badly that I had to quit my job and was subsequently out of work for over a year whilst I built up my confidence to return.
I know for some people going to work is the one thing they continue to excel at whilst their mental health suffers, but for me it simply wasn’t an option.
It took me a long time to come to terms with that. When I lost my career I felt like I lost my identity, but I wish I’d realised that is was OK to be off work. It was OK to need help. It was OK to take as much time as I needed. It was more than OK – it was necessary.
Whether you’re off work for a day, a week or a prolonged period of time; you should use this time to make your recovery as wholesome and speedy as possible.
Don’t beat yourself up
Once you’ve decided to take time off, it can be common to feel guilty about being at home resting whilst your family and friends go out to work. You may feel bad that your colleagues are left with more work to do, but remember they’re mentally well enough to cope with added stress whilst you are not.
With the physical symptoms of mental illness often hard to see, certain employers often doubt whether they are there at all. This can be very frustrating – but try not to let it get to you. It’s merely a reflection of how little knowledge most people have about mental illness, and not an indication of whether or not you should return to work. That’s a decision that should be made by you with the advice of your GP.
Consider your finances
If you’re unemployed or off work long term this can be very stressful for a lot of people. If you’re running out of savings you should be honest and consider making a plan for the future. If you live in the US you may want to have a read of the DRB Capital structured settlement review. I was receiving benefits and Statutory Sick Pay when I was off sick abd residing in the UK, more information on which can be found here.
Any extra cash can be pivotal when you are no longer earning full time, and this will also help take the pressure off you rushing back into work when you’re not totally ready to do so.

Implement a routine
When you’re out off work for a prolonged period of time it can be hard to find structure in your day. I know for me the days often ran into one another, with sleeping taking priority over eating, showering and staying in contact with family. You should try to avoid the days slipping away by implementing a loose routine.
Try setting your alarm every morning and try to follow a basic self-care routine. This could be something as simple as getting up before midday and making a cup of tea. Over time you can add more difficult tasks such as washing, cooking breakfast and leaving the house. This will give some purpose to your days without adding too much expectation or pressure.
Try to stay active
This doesn’t mean going a run everyday or religiously going to keep-fit classes like I did, but it will benefit you to get out of the house and move around a little most days. I know how hard it can be to get out of bed and it’s OK to spend all day sleeping when you need it. But if you do feel the urge to do something like rearrange your bedroom or pop to the supermarket then you should capitalise on that positive attitude.
Completing the smallest tasks can feel like a big win when you’re at an all time low. I remember one day following a bad spell of my depression I suddenly felt compelled to clean my windows. It felt like such an achievement and as silly as it sounds, it was such a great day for me and my recovery.
What steps are you taking to help with your mental illness whilst you’re off work?
by Fiona likes to blog | Dec 6, 2016 | DEPRESSION
“She isn’t depressed. She goes to work everyday and I see her out at the weekend”
This is the kind of thing I hear muttered again and again about people with mental health issues. Everyone says they are more ‘aware’ of mental health problems, but when push comes to shove they don’t always want to accommodate people who have real issues. Worse than that, I’ve actually heard the above phrase said by someone who has suffered from depression themselves. I find it strange that a person cannot empathise with someone else who has the same condition, but displays different symptoms. Sure, there are some symptoms that are common in everyone but others that are completely absent.
The truth is that every mental health sufferer looks and acts differently.
When I was trying to define my own mental health problems I remember my GP explaining to me that sadness is a normal human emotion, and obviously something that we all have to deal with in life. Some people will feel ‘depressed’ and although it may feel very intense, it will last a relatively short period of time and the mind can recover from the situation naturally. Other times it will be so intense that the person cannot recover alone, and will require medical attention. He made me realise that my own depression was serious, prolonged and could definitely benefit from medication to help rebalance my brain chemicals.
Identifying depression in people can be incredibly hard. So many people appear to have it ‘together’ when really underneath they’re seriously ill. I didn’t realise this until I lived with depression myself for the past four years. A few weeks after I had been diagnosed with depression I was due to go on holiday to Spain. I decided to go, as I was aware vitamin D could help lift my mood slightly, and lots of people had told me maybe a holiday was ‘just what I needed’.
The picture above, along with many others, was taken whilst we were on holiday for a week. I look pretty pleased with myself! I remember the night before this was taken I had drank too much and had a total breakdown in front of my now husband on the roof of the apartment we were staying in. I confessed how deep my negative feelings were and how I felt I would never get my life back again. My sunglasses helped conceal my puffy eyes from crying all night and having had very little sleep. I managed to drag myself out of the flat late in the afternoon to take a walk down to the beach, and I was pleased I hadn’t completely ruined the day by being a recluse which is what my instinct told me to do. It’s easy to see how people may have thought I was out having the time of my life whilst I was off sick instead of being at work, when really I was battling with a serious mental health problem.
Below is a picture of me approximately a year into my depression. I was at a friend’s birthday celebration in a venue I’d never been to, with people I’d never met. I look pretty happy right? I’ve got a cute dress on and my hair looks good, but inside I was terrified. To anyone scrolling through my Facebook feed, I’m sure it would seem like I had it all ‘together’ and certainly had no reason to take two different types of medication, see a therapist weekly and claim benefits for being unable to work. If I can go for a night out on the town surely I can get a job, right?
Well, no. This evening took weeks of preparation. I planned meticulously how I would get to and from the restaurant which required my dad driving the 40 minute journey there and back. I made sure in advance that the people I already knew would sit directly next to me and not let anyone else probe me for too long, as conversation made me anxious. I chose from the menu ahead of time because I had issues with food, and I was going through a particularly bad phase where I was restricting lots of food groups from my diet. All in all I think I was there for about two hours before I went home, mentally exhausted from the build up and execution of the whole situation. Doing things like this normally meant I was out of action for a few days after to recharge my batteries.

If you’re still struggling to see things from my point of view, this article on people with high-functioning depression explains how sufferers feel and what they wish other people could understand. Just because someone is at work doesn’t mean their feelings of depression aren’t valid. For many people a rest would actually do them good, but they feel unable to take time off because of their busy workload or they’re worried they’ll have no purpose without a job to go to. For some people work is the only distraction that helps them get through the day.
Often, going out with friends is deemed as evidence that someone ‘faking’ depression. Just because someone is smiling and having a few drinks doesn’t mean they’re not mentally ill. A key part of recovery is maintaining good relationships and being sociable now and again, the rare times that we feel up to it. If we make people feel guilty about being seen out in pubic, we encourage anti-social behaviour where vulnerable people will cut off that important contact with the outside world, which can worsen their condition.
I think a key part in improving this difficult situation is to open up the discussion with those close to you. Instead of snooping on someone’s Facebook, or judging their social calendar; why not just talk to them? Ask that person how they’re feeling, what they’re doing and how their recovery is going. Why not get an accurate insight into what’s really going on instead of assuming you know it all from a brief snapshot on the internet?
It’s a step in the right direction.
by Fiona likes to blog | Nov 22, 2016 | DEPRESSION
Depression and guilt go hand in hand for many people. Let’s get one thing straight; you’re not to blame for your mental illness! Just like you wouldn’t be to blame if you contracted pneumonia or developed arthritis. The mind and body are open to injury and it’s nothing to feel guilty about, but I know from experience it’s not that easy. Here are some things you definitely need to think about…
Receiving gifts
I was thinking recently about how painful it was for me to receive birthday and Christmas gifts just after I was diagnosed with depression. Being unable to work meant I couldn’t really afford to buy for others, and I felt like I hadn’t earned the right to be given gifts or celebrate at all. My friends and family wanted to do anything to make me feel better, and giving me presents was their way of showing that. I know it’s really hard but try and accept any gifts you are given and see it as a symbol of support from those who care. If you’re someone who is struggling to buy gifts for someone check out my recent gift guide.
Taking time off
One of the main reasons I took almost 4 years to recover from mental health problems is that I struggled on at work for months without taking any time off. I didn’t realise just how serious my condition was – or that it existed at all – and so I continued to put myself under immense stress during a time when I should have been resting and allowing my mind to recover. It wasn’t until I finally did get signed off work that I realised how bad my symptoms were and that I would need months to recover. It’s natural to feel incredibly guilty about this but unfortunately it’s the only way for many people to recover.
Being seen ‘out’ when you’re unable to work
I was talking to a friend recently who has been signed off work with anxiety, and she was expressing concern about visiting the hairdresser whilst on sick leave. Essentially she was worried that she didn’t have the right to be out doing things in case it got back to her employers. Remember this; the reason you’re off sick is because you are unable to work. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re unable to get on a bus, go to the supermarket or go to the hairdressers. For me, work was actually contributing to my illness so it was essential that I stop doing it immediately. Going to the gym on the other hand, was easing some of the symptoms, lifted my mood and helped me get to sleep at night. Going out and doing the things you’re comfortable with is so extremely important to your recovery and should not be avoided for fear of ‘being spotted’.
Forgetting important dates
Did you know that depression is linked to short term memory loss? Don’t feel bad if you forget that you made plans with someone yesterday or you can’t remember what time your doctors appointment is. Before I was diagnosed with depression I was finding it really hard to remember what I’d done from one day to the next, especially at work. I ended up relying on a stupid amount of ‘to-do’ lists which were synced up to my calender and my phone and it all got very overwhelming. It’s totally normal to forget things and it doesn’t make you a bad person.
Eating convenience foods
Whilst living on Pringles and Pop Tarts isn’t the best advice I can offer you, there’s certainly a bit of wiggle room when it comes to eating the perfect diet when you suffer from depression. If like me, you’ve struggled mentally with dieting for most of your life then the will power to resist eating processed foods whilst fighting a depressive episode will be non-existent. There is a lot of great information out there on what foods are helpful in terms of brain chemicals and blood sugars, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to eat well all of the time. That just comes with a whole other bag of problems that you don’t need, so eat as often as you need to satisfy your hunger and try to incorporate fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains and healthy fats as much as possible.
Not convinced? Check out this helpful post I found called 5 ways to overcome guilt in depression.
by Fiona likes to blog | Oct 31, 2016 | DEPRESSION
I told some of my friends that I had depression as soon as I got diagnosed. The reason being; I knew I couldn’t hide it from them any more. My mood was unpredictable, my actions out of character and I was unfit for work. As far as my Facebook friends were concerned however, I was fine and dandy! I didn’t want to tell the whole world about my problems back then, but I knew my best mates had to be kept in the loop. It was hard. I felt embarrassed. Like I’d failed as a human and that I was somehow now using an illness as an excuse for not being able to cope with life. I know now that my inability to cope was merely a horrible symptom, and admitting I needed support was my first step on a long and winding road to getting my happiness back again. From my own personal experience, here’s my advice….
Be prepared for varied responses
A lot of people think that their inner turmoil is clearly visible to people on the outside. The telltale sighs of depression like being reclusive, feeling agitated, loss of appetite and inability to concentrate may feel acute and painfully obvious to you but don’t be surprised if none of your friends have been concerned about your well being.
It’s not that they don’t care, but simply that your symptoms haven’t been brought to their attention. They may think you’ve seemed different, but we all go through bad spells that aren’t necessarily linked to mental health concerns. So be prepared for your friends to be kind of surprised that you have some problems of that nature.
On the other hand, some friends might be overbearing; they might ask really in-depth questions about your health, thoughts, feelings, medical advice and medication. Some friends want to help ‘cure’ you and will offer you advice that might seem patronising, such as “maybe you just need to let your hair down” and “you should go on holiday”.
Try and be appreciative. I know it’s hard. Even if they don’t understand fully what you’re going though it’s good that they want to help. They might find this post helpful.
Give them time to process what you’re saying
If your friends have never dealt with someone who has been diagnosed with depression then they might be really uncomfortable when you start talking about your problems. Try not to be offended if they seem standoffish or act like it’s not a big deal. You know it’s a big deal and you’re trying to get better so that’s all that matters.
Give them time to listen to what you have to say. Let them go home and talk to their partner or family about the subject (they don’t necessarily have to mention your name) so that they can make sense of what you’re going through and consider their own actions.
Being friends with someone with mental health issues can be kind of scary. They might not know what to say or how to act around you because they are worried about upsetting you or making your condition worse. This is nothing to feel guilty about, just believe that if they are a real friend they’ll do what they can to help comfort you.

Think of one way they can help you
Before you bring up the subject have a think to yourself about what you want from them. Their instinct will likely be to utter that dreaded phrase, “Let me know if there is anything I can do”. I mean seriously, has anyone ever responded to that comment by actually asking for help? It’s one of those awkward “I want to help” moments where no one quite knows what to say.
As you know, depression feels like a tonne of bricks has been laid to rest on top of you, so small tasks might pile up whilst you take time to recover. Try and pinpoint a few things that are looming over you and ask if they would mind helping out.
I remember my mum offered to help me clean my house and I was really offended, when really my life would have been a little more comfortable had I just let her help. Looking back, I’m certain it would have given her some purpose too during a difficult period in our relationship.
Explain that you might act differently
This can be really hard, because maybe you’ve just been diagnosed in which case your symptoms will likely become different over the coming months. You don’t need to go into the specifics about how you’re feeling, but it would be good to explain the things your are finding particularly difficult. It might be shopping for groceries, driving to a doctors appointment or dealing with some unpaid bills. My problem for a long time was being out with big groups of people who weren’t my very close friends and family.
I became very reclusive and lost all self-confidence so social gatherings were my number one fear. Over time I managed to express this to my friends and they still accommodate me to this day. If I don’t want to go clubbing, drinking or into a crowded venue they don’t expect me to. They know drinking alcohol makes my condition worse so they don’t pressure me to have a drink when they are having one.
Knowing that these things weren’t expected of me took a huge weight off my shoulders, and when I was at my worst all of my best friends made an effort to see me in an environment where I was at ease.
Have these tips given you the confidence to talk openly to your friends about depression?