If you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness then you’ve probably been told a million times that it’s good to talk.
Being open and honest with your partner, family and friends is definitely a step in the right direction as keeping your feeling bottled up is a recipe for disaster.
But the truth is sometimes your nearest and dearest – no matter how hard the try – don’t always say the right thing, because they’re not trained in how to deal with your illness.
That’s when talking to a professional counsellor can really help, because you can get more than just comfort and reassurance – you can actually learn the skills to get better.
Here’s a few things I learned from counselling:
1. Consistency is key
You can’t rush recovery, and consistency is really important to make sure everything is roughly going to plan.
I became so reliant on alcohol to cope that I had to give it up entirely, and if I had fallen off the wagon after a few weeks and claimed it wasn’t working that wouldn’t have been a consistent approach.
I actually gave it up for a whole year, and that commitment gave me the energy to be on time for all of my appointments and also helped me recognise what my emotions were really doing without the impact of booze on my system.
2. You’ve got to do the work
There are a lot people who think you can just ‘choose’ to get better from a mental illness, but it’s a lot more complicated than that. When I was in the worst phase of my depression I didn’t even think getting better was an option, I thought I’d be unhappy forever.
But after the little boost from medication I eventually got to a point where I could make more conscious choices, and that’s where counselling came into play.
I had to make the choice to turn up for my appointment every week, tell the truth, and decide to do the difficult things like avoid alcohol and put myself in awkward social situations. At the time it all felt like such a slog, but you really have to do the work to get better. It won’t just happen on it’s own.
3. I’m my own worst enemy
One of the turning points in my recovery was during a counselling session where I was asked about why I felt under so much pressure to be a high achiever.
I was listing off all the things that I had to deal with at work, as well as chores at home like having a perfect garden and a clean and tidy house.
I said something along the line of ‘every other person can manage to do all these things at once and I can’t do it’. My counsellor asked me ‘who are all these other people?’ and I kind of shrugged and said, ‘everyone!’.
She explained that this was just an assumption I had made about everyone else in the world, when actually it was ME who had set the unrealistic standards for myself, and no one else. I was assuming that everyone else had it all figured out when that’s simply not true.
4. Rest is part of the process
I’ve always been an impatient person.
I would much rather rush a task and get onto the next one instead of taking the time to make the first one perfect, but I learned through counselling that actually going slow and having lots of rest is beneficial.
I personally got into a state of depression over a space of several years, and it takes a lot of rest and taking care of yourself to undo all of that damage that has been done.
This is a cycle which has played out repeatedly over the last six years, often as a result of feeling completely overwhelmed at work to the point where my only way out is to start afresh.
I’m the queen of taking on too much. I always start a new job with the best of intentions, knowing full well that my history with depression and anxiety leaves me susceptible to stress a lot more than the average person.
The unfortunate thing is that I’m a total people-pleaser as well as a bit of a swot, so if I can take on extra responsibility at work as well as help my employer out then I’m all in. I’ll happily push myself right to the edge mental health wise in order to appear like the best worker.
It’s silly, but it’s who I am and I’m trying hard to change. I’ve been juggling my day job in a local sandwich shop alongside this blog, freelance writing and some social media management for about six months but in December 2017 it all got to be a bit much. I certainly wasn’t planning on relying solely on my freelance income this year but hey, life doesn’t go to plan sometimes.
After I quit I kept it on the down low. Looking back now, its a shame because going solo in the world of freelance is actually a big, exciting step in my career. I didn’t want to shout it from the rooftops until I’d fully digested what had actually taken place, as it all happened in a bit of a blur. After being freelance now for a whole two weeks (am I an expert yet? Hell no) I can say in all certainty that I know why I’ve been keeping it quiet. I feel like a big, stinking imposter.
It wasn’t until I was watching one of my favourite You Tubers Aine talk about living authentically in her last (very candid) video that I realised this. I’ve known about ‘imposter syndrome’ for years, and I’ve felt it at various times throughout my life. I felt it when I got invited to my first big blogging event (a Superdrug press day folks, where I got a free flu jab and a goodie bag!) and I felt it when I got my first article published on the Metro.
It’s that gut feeling you get when you think that you have absolutely no right to be doing your job, and that any minute now someone’s going to come banging on your door and asking you to hand in your name badge, screaming “who the hell do you think you are?”
The past few weeks have been a but of a roller-coaster. I’ve had to try and manage my own workload, something which can be easy when you really love what you do, but still quite difficult when there’s no one there to force you to crawl out of bed in the morning. The result is often a compromise; working in my pyjamas from under the duvet until I’ve woken up enough to hop in the shower before midday.
Does this make me an imposter? I don’t think so. I know plenty of writers and social media managers who openly talk about working from home or ‘bediting’ as I heard one You Tuber call it, so I think in that respect I’m surrounded by lots of people with a similar frame of mind. Should I be up at the crack of dawn knocking back espressos and typing up thousands of words before the sun rises? Definitely not. It I did that I’d be an imposter in my own life, and totally wired from too much coffee and not enough sleep. Not my style.
So as the first few weeks of being freelance draw to a close, do I still feel like an imposter? Hell yes! I don’t think I’ll ever fully accept that people actually want to pay me money to write, because I love it so much. I’ll probably always live with the fear of being rumbled, exposed as a fraud for all to see.
But until that moment comes, I’m getting stuff done. I’ve got my gang who support me without question. I’m hustling away quietly (yes, sometimes from my own bed) and I’ve got some really exciting projects to share with you this year. I can’t wait to get started!
Is it just me or are the weekends getting shorter? It seems I can’t do anything other than fall asleep on the couch on a Friday night and before I know it I’m having my obligatory Sunday afternoon nap. I guess being over 30 isn’t as exciting as I thought it would be!
I’m trying to be more active at the weekends, as well as during the week. It’s too easy to let time run away from us after the working day is done and I don’t want to waste time slumped in front of the telly any longer than necessary. Because let’s be honest, sometimes it’s necessary.
Here are few subscription services that I think help make life better, more spontaneous, less stressful and more fulfilled without having to fork out too much money.
1. Cinema
I’ve always loved going to the cinema but as prices have steadily increased since I was a teenager I was often put off paying nearly £10 to see a movie, especially when I was unemployed. Even once I was well enough to work again my minimum wage salary didn’t really accommodate weekly visits to the local cinema.
Once I moved to Glasgow city centre and heard about the Cineworld Unlimited card I knew that I had to sign up. I currently pay £17.40 a month and can see as many movies as I like, although some movies like 3D or IMAX cost a little extra.
Working to a tight budget means that even if I’m skint one week, I know I can still go and see a film. With it being my favourite thing to do anyway, I think that’s awesome! It means that all those movies I probably wouldn’t have paid full price to go see (you know, all that Adam Sandler trash) are now available to me within my monthly payment should I wish to waste away a few hours of the day.
My husband isn’t a fan of horror, but now I can go on my own in the afternoon after work and use my Cineworld card. In fact, you might notice that cinemas are now over-run with people going to see movies on their own which I think is a great thing for us little old introverts.
2. Cooking boxes
I’ve never thought of ordering a cooking box. My talents as a chef way exceed anything that I could be sent in the post – joke – so how on earth could it benefit me? I pride myself in cooking most of my meals from scratch so I’ve never thought I needed the guidance of a ‘how to’ style delivery service with pre-portioned ingredients and accompanying recipe card.
However, after a long weekend I was surprised at how helpful a Gousto box was when I returned from holiday, stamping my feet and moaning I DON’T WANNA COOK. I made a tasty Aubergine Katsu Curry (which you can see in the video below) and some Sweet Potato Taquitos.
Although the recipes weren’t difficult, they’re still ones that I wouldn’t have picked out myself because I didn’t have all the ingredients on hand. The best thing about Gousto is that they give you the exact amount of each item, meaning you don’t have to fork out for some random spice or condiment that you’re never going to use again.
This means you can expand your cooking repertoire without wasting food or money in the process. Bonus!
Discount code: To receive a generous £40 discount on your Gousto order (£20 off your first and second box) use the code TORNADO
3. Snack boxes
I’m still getting to grips with intuitive eating after years of restrictive eating, so having snacks on hand can be a tricky balancing act for me. Subscribing to Graze or The Vegan Kind is something that I’ve been looking into trying after my success with Gousto.
I personally tend to get stuck in a rut with what foods I eat, and snacking on the go is something I struggle with. I always eat Nakd Bars and if I can’t find them I often end up eating flapjacks and cereal bars which are full of sugar. Not the best thing if you’re trying to train your brain to escape the binge-eating/diet cycle.
Having tasty, healthy morsels in my bag for when I’m at work or at the gym is something that I know would make my life easier, and take away some of the guilt associated with eating the wrong foods when I haven’t planned ahead. I’m definitely going to be giving these a go.
4. Prescription
It might sound simple but setting up a repeat prescription has changed my life. My anxiety makes GP appointments a stressful affair, but because I take anti-depressants I can only receive one months supply of my medication at a time.
Although I do kind of understand the reason behind this, my mental illness means that I constantly dread making an appointment (using the phone is a fear of mine) and talking to a doctor about my health over and over again.
Now, the doctor is happy because I only get 28 tablets at a time and I’m less worried because I don’t have to go through the torture of making an appointment every month.
5. Audio books/podcasts
Instead of mindlessly watching TV or scrolling on my phone, I find it helpful to listen to podcasts and audio books. Although most podcasts are free many of them offer a payment scheme where you can get access to exclusive episodes before anyone else. I love listening to Emma Gannon as well as My Favourite Murder and Generation Why.
Audible is a really affordable app which gives you enough credit to buy one audio book per month and there are thousands to choose from. Once you’ve downloaded it you actually own it and can listen to it a many times as you like. You can also return books that you didn’t enjoy and get a full refund! Also, you can get a 30 day free trial, cancel at any time and you’ll still get to keep the book you downloaded on your free trial. They’re LITERALLY giving books away for free!!!
I find Audible great for when I want to read up on a subject like healthy eating or time management. It’s also great for catching up on those classic books that you never got round to reading. Either way, it stops me from passing out on the couch and is a great incentive to get outside walking too.
Have you used any subscription services to make life a little easier?
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