by Fiona likes to blog | Feb 20, 2024 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, WRITING
“How’s your apocalypse going?”
That’s something I heard Phoebe Bridgers say during the early months of the pandemic and it’s continued to ring in my ears ever since.
Because greeting each other with humour during trying times is a coping mechanism I simply refuse to give up. When you’re exhausted and life seems hopeless, allowing yourself to laugh seems wrong… but sometimes it’s all you have.
via GIPHY
I don’t want to talk about humour today, but I do want to talk about writing as a tool during a crisis. And I use that word because our world is in a crisis.
State of affairs
Here in the UK, we’ve been warned we’re living in a pre-war era. Locally, services for young people, women and the most vulnerable are being cut. Rates of mental illness are increasing across the board and access to support is limited, whilst cost of living increases.
News of violence, injustice, illness, and catastrophe bombard us 24/7 and for those already facing struggles with poverty, racism, mental illness or other challenges, this constant stream of negativity can feel utterly overwhelming.
Finding the motivation to do anything, let alone write, can feel impossible.
Writing through a crisis
Yet studies show that writing can be a powerful coping tool during times of crisis. The act of putting thoughts and emotions into words, especially in a private journal, has been found to reduce stress, depression, and anxiety. Writing helps make sense of chaos, gain perspective, and release pent-up feelings. It can be an emotional and mental lifeline when all seems lost.
Here are 3 tips to help you write during difficult times:
1. Start small
Just write one sentence or paragraph about how you feel right now. Don’t worry about structure, grammar, etc. The act itself is what matters.
2. Write by hand
Computers and phones are likely to lead to distractions, such as news feeds and emails. Write in a real paper journal or notebook. The tactile process can be soothing in itself, giving you a physical marker of your progress.
3. Make it private
We pressure ourselves to write a blog post or a clever tweet too often. Write for yourself, in private, as a way to hear your own thoughts. There’s no need to ever share it.
Acknowledge the vulnerability of writing
Writing requires courage during crisis, and it can help to admit that.
AndI think we know this, we know that writing means opening the floodgates to deep pain, confusion, anger and grief. But facing that tough stuff in your writing offers long-term mental health benefits. The insights gained lead to post-traumatic growth and a sort of order to the chaos, helping you process events and regain a sense of control.
If you’re facing a crisis, know that you have an powerful tool within you already – your ability to express yourself through words.
CHOOSE TO WRITE.
by Fiona likes to blog | Nov 10, 2021 | PODCAST
What is Patriarchy Stress Disorder?
That’s probably a question you’ve never asked yourself because I’m guessing you’ve never even heard of it. I hadn’t until I stumbled across the book by Dr Valerie Rein.
Having struggled with depression, anxiety and chronic pain for almost a decade, I’ve always felt like I am a person who needs to be fixed. I’ve always seen my mental illness, my physical pain, even my body in general, as things that are inherently wrong. Things that don’t fit into what society expects me to me.
When I read Patriarchy Stress Disorder (over a matter of days) I literally cried. This science-backed approach to explain WHY women feel so unworthy and scared made me feel so seen, so comforted, and gave me hope for the future.
Here is an excerpt from Dr Valerie Rein’s website:
All of the hard work, success, and achievement aren’t actually satisfying…You know you’re here for more. You might have tried therapy, coaching, self-help books, retreats, and personal development programs… You’ve made progress. But you’re still not where you want to be.
You’ve got tons of insight… but the way you FEEL doesn’t change at the core. Leaving you wondering: What’s wrong with me? And the answer is — Nothing. You’re brilliant. If you could have figured it out — you would have figured it out long ago. The problem is misdiagnosed.
It’s not you, It’s Patriarchy Stress Disorder.
In this episode of the Out of Office podcast I chat to Dr Valerie Rein to find out:
- What is Patriarchy Stress Disorder?
- Why do we as women, constantly feel unsafe?
- How is this impacting our confidence and relationships?
- How can we prioritise pleasure?
- And so much more…
Learn more about Dr Valerie Rein
Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment – Buy now
Follow Dr Valerie on Instagram
Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss – Buy now
Follow Fiona Thomas on Instagram
by Fiona likes to blog | Oct 6, 2021 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, PODCAST
Let me introduce you to Jo Love. She is a Trainee Psychotherapist, award-winning Mental Health Advocate, Artist and Author of Therapy is… Magic.
- Jo’s squiggly career journey from lawyer to business owner to trainee psychotherapist
- Why self-employment isn’t always the key to a healthy relationship with work
- What therapy really is (and isn’t)
- Things to consider when you think about getting therapy
In this episode, we also discuss our favourite non-therapy self-care activity; journaling. If you’d like to access free journaling prompts you can download them over on my resources page.
About Therapy is Magic
In this part memoir, part mental health resource and how-to guide, Jo Love throws opens the door of her therapist’s office and shines a light on what exactly goes on in the therapy room.
With the help of experts, including her very own therapist, Jo opens a rare window into the real world of therapy, unpicking the magical powers that enabled her to re-find her own voice, restored her resilience through the cloudiest days and ultimately saved her from her own mind.
Each chapter includes:
- A therapy list where Jo shares her knowledgeable insights into therapy
- Inspirational voices in the mental health space on the life-changing effects of therapy
- A ‘From the Other Chair’ section featuring expert opinions from mental health professionals
- ‘Need Help Now’ suggestions
Therapy is … Magic moves away from the stigma sometimes associated with seeking help, and shines a light on the emotional and physical benefits of talking therapies. Jo Love shows us that with professional guidance we can heal ourselves and the relationships we have, tackle addictions and trauma, and save our minds.
by Fiona likes to blog | Apr 29, 2021 | Freelance, PODCAST
April’s a big old month for the Out of Office podcast. My airwaves-generated baby, my child, turned one on 16th April. It’s been an entire year since I started the podcast. And we’re still in a pandemic. But let’s focus on the former, more celebratory news, shall we?
I started Out of Office with the aim of supporting not just people already on their freelance journeys, but particularly the freelance life contemplators, or the ‘I’m-pretty-sure-freelance-is-a-pipe-dream’ dreamers. I want to demystify the freelance life, offer no-BS advice and share both the highs – and lows – that come with hitting out of office for good, so you’re prepared to make your business a success.
So, in keeping with that purpose, here’s the no-BS advice on how to live your best freelance life:
Has the pandemic impacted your mental health? Is that a silly question?
Pandemic life has well and truly impacted my mental health over the last 12 months, so I’ve shared what I’ve been doing to manage the symptoms of stress, depression and anxiety recently.
If you need urgent support call the Samaritans for free on 116 123 24 anytime or for less urgent support email jo@samaritains.org and they will respond within 24 hours.
LISTEN HERE
What do you do as a freelancer when you fall out of love with the freelance life? When it feels like s*** is hitting the fan, it can be, honestly, terrifying. But I’m here to show you it’s possible to get back on track and fall back in love with the freelance life again.
I’ve had periods in my life as a freelancer where I’ve felt a bit stuck and I’ve questioned if I was really on the right path. Last year, when I lost my biggest client, I was forced to reevaluate what I wanted out of my business and it changed my entire approach.
Over on the podcast, I share five things that helped me fall back in love with my business again.
LISTEN HERE
Blogging is what started my freelance career so I felt it only made sense to share my thoughts on how it can help you in your business journey.
You can use your blog as a place to talk about subjects that you’re scared to post about on social media as well as a tool to demonstrate your abilities as a freelancer.
Catch the attention of a prospective client on your irresistible blog and they’re sold.
LISTEN HERE
On the most recent episode of the Out of Office podcast, I share tried and tested ways to grow your platform online to boost your freelance business. Get ready to create content that attracts more clients!
Here’s to another 12 months of Out of Office being in our lives!
LISTEN HERE
Pick up my book – Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss
by Fiona likes to blog | Oct 30, 2017 | DEPRESSION
The idea of spending 60 minutes sweating it out in a public gym with strangers is most people’s idea of hell on earth. The smell, the obnoxiously placed mirrors, the overly friendly personal trainers and then there’s the real stinger – having to actually PAY for the privilege to experience all of the above. But for me, it’s where I go practise my version of
self-care. In fact, since I started working out in 2012 I’ve barely had one week where I’ve missed a session. I’m not particularly fit or trim, but I’m definitely living proof that
exercise is good for people with mental illness.
I’m always preaching that everyone should take 30 minutes a day to do what they love. Find what makes you happy and make time for it every day, and that’s your self care routine taken care of. Easy.
But as I sit here peddling aimlessly on a squeaky bike at my local gym, hurriedly typing this blog post into the notes app on my phone, I can’t help but question whether I’ve taken a wrong turn down the self care path.
Like every other female blogger I’m obsessed with Emma Gannon and all that she stands for (the specs, the boots, the quiet yet ever present confidence) so I’ve been listening to her podcasts regularly.
She recently appeared on the BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour where she and the other guests discussed work life balance; something which I always need advice on.
The phrase “restorative space” came up and to be honest I’ve never heard of it before. If self-care was the phrase of 2017 then I think I might have just found the next big thing for wellness gurus everywhere.
If you search “restorative space” online you’ll find that it’s actually a term used in dentistry – clearly the Deliciously Ellas of the world haven’t caught on yet – so I have defined this new phrase on my own.
From listening to Emma, Ash, Zeena and Rosie talk I got the impression they were using it as a way to describe activities which help give us an energy boost. A way to refuel the tank, if you will.
I found this quote about such activities which I thought summed up my thoughts nicely;
“Some of the psychological benefits of leisure might include, but are not limited to, increases in self-actualization, self-identity, self-esteem, or self-concept; personal enjoyment and growth; reduction of anxiety and depression; enhanced feelings of spirituality; and improvements in overall psychological well-being” (Human Kinetics)
But this idea of restorative space got me thinking. How is different from self-care, and how can women find this ‘space’?
During this gym session alone I’ve listened to a podcast, started writing a blog post and answered two emails not to mention several Tweets. Is this kind of multi-tasking negating the effectiveness of my previously successful self-care workout slot?
It definitely is.
So maybe I should forget my self-care plan – which tends to be a reactive solution to my mental health problems – and instead focus on a proactive solution?
Does is deserve it’s own time slot?
Finding time to recharge my batteries is a tricky business. I’ve been honing my self-care skills for months now, slowly adding activities to my repertoire and pulling them out of a bag Mary Poppins style, but it’s a struggle.
I’m so easily distracted. I just had to stop typing this to read a Facebook message which can best be described as an animated chain letter, and now I’m on Pinterest planning dinner. Where was I?
So maybe I need to reframe my idea of self-care from a single activity to an actual time slot. I think reserving a 30 minute segment in my day where I turn off all electronic devices is a great start, even if I don’t have a ‘self-care activity’ planned.
Surely being disconnected from technology and having some quiet time is a step in the right direction?
Is it a physical area?
I’m always throwing self-care activities into the mix without actually being present to enjoy the benefits. I’ll treat myself to a morning coffee, only to reach for the final sip and realise I finished the damn thing an hour ago and have been scrolling on my phone mindlessly ever since.
I’ve lost an hour of my time which I specifically took out of my working schedule and haven’t even managed to enjoy a simple coffee break without distraction.
As women, we constantly do this. We take 15 minute bath masqueraded as ‘me time’ when it’s actually a daily requirement to wash oneself. We say we ‘love to cook’, when really we have to cook to feed the family, and guilt is stopping us from serving pizza for the third night in a row. We get an early night to recharge, only to get up early to catch up on housework and emails.
We are too busy trying to be efficient workers, mums or wives and have started to see the bottom of the laundry basket as a sign of self-development. When will we start doing things truly for ourselves once in a while?
Maybe a restorative space can help us? Is it a real place? The spa? The park? The back garden on a fresh, sunny morning where just five minutes of silence and a few deep breaths can act as the antidote to an overactive mind? Wherever it is, I want to be there.
via GIPHY
The self-care movement has been hijacked
If I see one more list of self-care activities on Pinterest, I’ll spontaneously combust.
The whole idea of self-care is actually a very boring one as explained by artist Hannah Daisy. She created a popular series of drawings around the hashtag #boringselfcare and feels that the sentiment of self-care has been wrongly re-appropriated by people on social media. In this blog post she explains;
“Self care seems to mean, on the internet anyway, activities you only engage in as a luxury, like the classic; fancy bath bombs or buying fancy crystals. Often activities which cost money, are only nice things or only available for able bodied people.
For me I think even the way ‘self care’ term is used, it insinuates you have to do it yourself, shaming an alienating those who need actual people and carers to do it for them (for what ever reason, physical, emotional and/or neuro diversity etc.)
This is not my understanding as a mental health professional at all. Self care refers to all the activities we need to do day to day and the ‘self’ bit doesn’t mean you have to do it yourself.”
Self-care is more that just a list of activities which we get to pick and choose from to make ourselves feel extra special. It’s actually the day-to-day things that are often essential to survival, like taking our medication or noticing our stress triggers.
I’ve been guilty of using the term self-care frivolously and I’m well aware that the media has grabbed hold of it too. I love this article by Ellen Scott where she says “Stop using self-care to try to sell me sh*t”.
How often have you read an Instagram post with #selfcare and #ad in the same caption? It says it all really.
Well today, I’m giving self-care the elbow and proclaiming it a new age. The age where a mentally unstable women like myself needs to rebrand her leisure time (stay with me) and coin and new phrase. This is the age of the restorative space and I’m stepping into it.
I will be restored!
