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10 helpful things to say to someone with depression

10 helpful things to say to someone with depression

I recently posted about my Self-care tips for when you’re depressed and whilst writing it I realised that it’s always with the help of my other half that I feel better. I’m not saying that you need a partner to feel good – not at all – but over the years he has managed to figure out through trial and error how to handle me when I’m at my lowest.

There are no magic words that will make someone feel better when they are depressed, but it can be terrifying and somewhat lonely for friends and families to talk to people suffering – so much so that they might avoid talking to them altogether. Avoiding the subject is the worst tactic in my opinion. It breeds guilt within the sufferer and makes them feel like an outsider, like they are making things difficult and can end up pushing them further away.

what to say to someone with depression make them feel better

This is by no means a completed list of what to say – it’s just a few things that have worked for me. When I feel helpless and upset for no reason it’s important that I feel comforted, even when I can’t explain what exactly the problem is. I hope that if you know someone who deals with depression that you take the time to ask them if they are OK, and tell them that you’re there for them. Even these few simple words can make them feel less alone.

Have you comforted someone with depression? I’d love to read your comments below.

How writing has improved my mental health 

How writing has improved my mental health 

I’ve not realised until recently how important writing is to me. I’ve started doing it everyday, it’s definitely become a habit but an enjoyable and healthy one at that. I still have ongoing mental health issues and probably always will, but finding a hobby I enjoy has been really helpful for me, here’s why…

It gives me structure

I currently work part time at my day job and use the rest of my time to do some freelance work as well as my own blog. The need to write everyday has given me a more structured day which is really important for keeping me on a somewhat even keel. I don’t cope with change well, so establishing a healthy routine everyday is cruical to helping me feel in control of my life.

I know I can’t really blog in the evenings because I want to spend time with my husband, so this forces me to set loose working hours during the day that fit around my day job. I normally write in the afternoons when I finish work, edit pictures and share posts on social media. The next morning I will do a final read through of that day’s post or project and publish it or send it off via email.

writing for mental health

I spend the rest of the day replying to comments, talking on Twitter and planning my next post to write that afternoon. This helps me keep busy in between meals, stopping me from fixating on food and also stops me from taking naps at random times in the day. Since I started writing everyday I also don’t watch any TV until after dinner, so that’s a good thing!

I can organise & communicate my thoughts

As an introvert I naturally shy away from too many social engagements and this is only agravated by my anxiety around people. Holding a conversation with someone is quite taxing for me, and I find polite chit chat incredibly hard to mainain for extended periods of time. It’s like I can feel the life draining from me as I try to stay alert and focused. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, more that I just can’t find the confidence to say it.

With writing I can grab a pen and my journal and just take note of whatever I’m thinking at that moment, without fear of having it come out wrong, offend someone or be made fun of for it. I can get my feelings out of my head and onto paper where I can read them again, analyse what’s going on and then form it into a blog post if I think it’s of any interest.

Although this might seem completely anti-social, for me it’s like having a practise conservation with myself before releasing it to the world for comment. The blogging community has led me to use Twitter a lot more which is a great way for me to meet like minded people, especially as I’ve just moved to a new city where I don’t know many people. Once my blog post goes live I can share it, talk to other people about it online and read other posts on similar topics.

It’s a creative outlet

I have always been mildly creative in my life. I say mildly because I don’t ever recall feeling compelled to draw. I just did it because I was bored. I wasn’t obsessed with writing music but I did it now and again, and went through phases of being in a band and playing a few instruments. I didn’t wake up and write poems everyday but I really enjoyed penning creative stories when the teacher asked for them. I studied Music for three years at university and after realising it wasn’t for me I just naturally stopped being creative.

The problem with depression and anxiety is that often you are bombarded with people asking “How do you feel?” and “What are you thinking?” The truth is that sometimes it’s impossible to describe. It’s a sense of being that’s so overwhelming it’s hard I even spend time delving in for a closer look. It’s too much. Then once in a while I’ll hear a lyric or even just a melody, maybe one single note played on the piano that effortlessly sums up every thought in my head and every fibre of my being.

I personally feel a great benefit from having a creative outlet, not just in the form of writing but in coming up with my blog images, layout and even my Instagram. There is nothing groundbreaking about my content. But the feeling of creating something that only exists because I chose to make it, is a wonderful feeling and a form of expression that should be celebrated.

Have you found a hobby that helps improve your mental health? I’ve written a lists of my top 10 hobbies for depression to give you some inspiration!

Self-care tips for when you’re feeling depressed

Self-care tips for when you’re feeling depressed

Self-care has become a bit of a buzzword online recently, and although it is quite annoying I genuinely do think that a lot of people could benefit from a go-to routine for taking care of themselves when they feel mentally or physically worn out.

Since being diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder 4 years ago I’ve had to find ways to calm down, relax, get motivated… to basically try and bring my energy either up or down depending on where my head’s at. It’s not easy, so I’m sharing my tips for showing yourself some love on days where the world seems like too much to deal with.

Please bear in mind that this self-care advice should not be used in lieu of medical help but is simply based on my own personal experience with depression.

Eat well

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know I have a complicated relationship with food. On my low days I stereotypically avoid eating all day because I associate it with guilt and being overweight. Bad idea. This inevitably ends up with me overeating in a monumental fashion late in the day, usually in the form of ice cream, chocolate and an assortment of baked goods. Aaaand cue more guilt. Not a good state of affairs and certainly not a good example of self-care.

To stop this cycle I’ve learned to start my day with a well balanced meal containing protein, carbohydrate and fat e.g. Cheese and onion omelette with a side of porridge oats, or full fat Greek yoghurt with berries. I try not to restrict foods on my bad days because chances are I’ll get emotional and this is a trigger for me to binge on unhealthy foods.

If I allow myself a few treats throughout the day as I crave them this seems to keep my emotional eating at bay and avoids the blood sugar roller-coaster I seem to go through when I deny myself things like carbs and fat.

boost your mood mental health blogger UK

Take it slow

My husband truly deserves a medal for handling me on a bad day. He is so good at letting me take my time, and he has made me realise that the worst thing I can do is to rush myself on these days. If I think about all the little things that need done – taking a shower, washing, drying and straightening my hair, putting on make up, finding an outfit – I feel totally overwhelmed and just hide under the covers until it’s dark again.

Without sounding patronising, my advice is to only think about the task you’re doing that very moment, and to take it in baby steps. That’s at the heart of my self-care plan and why I think it’s so successful (check out this little cleaning checklist I made too). The biggest hurdle for me is always getting in the shower. Pre-wash I feel like I will crumble at any moment and can’t string a sentence together. I’ll cry all the way through the shower and by the time I’ve washed and conditioned my hair I’ve exhausted myself enough to stop for a breath.

Sound familiar? We probably have loads in common!  You might want to check out my free eBook where I talk in depth about how I got help for my mental breakdown and managed my recovery.

 

Somehow after a good ‘shower cry’ the world doesn’t seem quite so horrendous. Also, I need to point out the importance of washing my hair when I feel this depressed. Beforehand the task seems monumental, but when I’ve done the deed I honestly feel born again when I have clean hair. It’s a key part of my regime, not to be overlooked.

If I need to lie around for 2 hours before I consider make up and hair styling then so be it. In fact, sometimes it’s more helpful not to attempt it at all and just enjoy a make-up free face and messy hair. If I can find time, I also like to do another beauty treatment like a face mask or painting my nails just give myself that little bit of extra attention.

Rest

This might seem like an obvious thing to do, and you’ll probably want to succumb to sloth-like behaviour when you’re feeling low but it’s worth considering how you can truly feel rested in body and mind. When my brain is in overdrive, thinking about all the things I have to do and how crap I am as a human being I find if helpful to work off some of that nervous energy to allow me to ultimately feel more relaxed.

mental health truth to friends

I personally really enjoy the gym as part of my self-care routine, so if I feel like I have enough energy to do a light workout then I will, and I like the feeling of achievement that comes from doing that. On the other hand if I was planning a workout and I woke up feeling incredibly low, I’ve learned it’s OK to change my plans and do absolutely nothing.

Obviously you don’t have to go to the gym if that’s not your thang, but sometimes a walk round the block and some fresh air will help tire you out enough to get a good sleep. A lot of medical professionals say you shouldn’t sleeping during the day when you have depression because it creates a unhelpful sleeping pattern but when I’ve hit a bad one and look like a zombie, an afternoon snooze is impossible to avoid. It works for me once in a while and I try not to make a habit of it.

Take a sick day

Sometimes you’ve got to bite the bullet and accept that you’re not fit for work. I personally find this incredibly hard to get my head around, so much so that I make myself ill at work and ended up giving up my career to focus on my mental health.

Although I’m not recommending you quit your job after one bad day, I think there’s some benefit to taking stock of your situation. How often are you feeling depressed? Is it normally after work? Is your job stressing you out the point where you feel like you can’t cope?

For me, stress is a trigger for anxiety and depression so being in a management role was too  much for me to handle. Start by taking a sick day and imagine how your mood would be affected if you were in a different work environment.

Go make up-free

This might seem impossible to some of you – I know make up can act like a suit of armour when you’re feeling like crap – but give it a try. I swear by having at least one make up-free day per week because it makes me feel so much more comfortable. I hate taking make up off at the end of the day (mascara, why you so stubborn?) so having a bare face all day is great for when I’m feeling particularly lazy.

Make up is cool for when you want to amp up your confidence, but sometimes I just need to be honest with myself. I’m not OK and no amount of make up is going to make me feel otherwise. I’ve actually written a really detailed account of why I go make up-free and how I built myself up to do it with a super simple skincare routine. You can check out the deets here.

Take care of the physical symptoms

Your mental health is so much more than what’s going on inside your head. A relapse in my depression is often accompanied by changes in my body, which is an indicator that I need to take better care of myself.

I’ll often gain weight because I’m less active or am drawn to eating more comfort food than usual. I experience extreme fatigue and can easily sleep for 10 hours a night as well as 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon.

This isn’t laziness, although the voice in my head likes to tell me otherwise. I simply need to recharge my energy waaay more than the average person because my mind is under so much stress. I’ve written in detail about weight gain/loss, panic attacks and muscle tension in this post here.

Try and be conscious and forgiving of any physical symptoms you observe during a depression episode. They’re not to be dismissed as a sign of weakness, but instead a sign that you need to slow down and take care of yourself.

What are your self-care tips for depression?

Coping with the physical effects of anxiety & depression 

Coping with the physical effects of anxiety & depression 

You or someone you know is probably dealing with anxiety, depression or maybe even both. I’ve dealt with both simultaneously for the past 4 years and I’m not yet fully recovered.

I’ve come a long way since the beginning, when I was unable to work and spent every day in bed ignoring phone calls and not eating or washing. My mind was so exhausted that I needed time to recuperate, to recharge before slowly coming to terms with my illness and how it affects my day to day life.

So I wanted to talk about the physical effects of anxiety and depression, from my own experience.It’s something that no one really warned me about, even though I was diagnosed by a doctor and have received treatment for several years. I’m not a qualified mental health expert, but I have lived through it for some time, so maybe it’s of use to you or someone you know who might be suffering.

 

 

If you suffer from depression or anxiety then I’m betting you already know how much it hurts. Like, physically hurts. A lot of people don’t realise just how painful mental illness can be, and how much your body can be affected by the chemical changes going on in your brain. I mean, it makes sense. Your brain is the control centre for your entire body, so if it’s having a hard time coping then OF COURSE you’re going to see the consequences of that.

Wondering if your symptoms are normal? Here is a quick rundown of those related to depression thanks to WebMB:

  • Headaches
  • Back pain. If you already suffer with back pain, it may get worse if you become depressed
  • Muscle aches and joint pain. Depression can make any kind of chronic pain worse
  • Chest pain is also associated with depression, but it’s very important to get chest pain checked out by an expert right away
  • Digestive problems or nausea. You might have diarrhoea or become constipated
  • Exhaustion and fatigue. No matter how much you sleep, you may still feel tired or worn out (can I get a HELL YES) Getting out of the bed in the morning may seem very hard, even impossible (sounds about right)
  • Sleeping problems. Many people with depression can’t sleep or sleep way more than normal
  • Change in appetite and/or weight. You may lose your appetite or even crave certain foods – like carbohydrates – and put on weight
  • Dizziness or light-headedness

I found that establishing a good self-care routine alongside medication and therapy has been a key part of my recovery. Wondering how to implement some basic self-care? Check out my post below.

If like me, you’re lucky enough to have both depression AND anxiety (#blessed) then here is some more information. Anxiety comes with a whole other set of symptoms, some of which overlap with the previous list and some of which are different. Check out the NHS website for more details and advice.

Check out my tips below on how to deal with some of the most common physical symptoms related to anxiety and depression. You got this!

Weight loss/gain

I spent the first few months in bed like I said, and when I wasn’t sleeping my only interest was going to the gym. A strange response for someone previously uninterested in fitness, but for whatever reason any energy I had I poured into my daily workout. This led me to lose more weight than I ever had previously, a happy side effect as far as I was concerned even if it wasn’t for the right reasons. Not a healthy mindset I’m sure you’ll agree.

After I began taking my prescribed anti-depressants I did experience some weight gain; whether this was a sign of the beginning of recovery or the increased appetite which was described in the pill packet I’m unsure. Overall, I’ve realised that my built in response to both anxious and depressed feelings is to eat. To be honest I’m at a loss as how to shake off this coping mechanism off completely, and it’s definitely attributing to my weight gain as well as low self-esteem which can have a more negative affect on my mental health.

It’s a vicious cycle I’m caught in at the moment without any real idea how to escape it. My way of dealing with it currently is to accept that recovery is a long road, and that changes in my mind and body are to be expected. They are not good or bad, or even permanent. They just exist and will adapt as my health improves over time.

 

Panic attacks

I had anxiety and depression for years before I experienced a panic attack. It wasn’t even something I worried about. I think this is partly because I was too anxious to put myself in a situation difficult enough for it to occur. I’m very wary of new places and unusual social outings and can tell what will freak me out.

This has been a bad way to handle things, because when I did pluck up the courage to do something out of my comfort zone I had a panic attack as a result. The physical symptoms I had were nausea, blurred vision, needing the toilet, feeling faint, racing heart, shortness of breath and excessive sweating. Combine this with the mental symptom of feeling like you are dying and you have pretty terrifying scenario on your hands.

I’ve done some group CBT sessions and the best advice I learned was that you should remain where you are for as long as possible, instead of following the natural urge to leave for somewhere else, somewhere ‘safer’. The panic attack is inside you, not the room, and will subside naturally once you have relaxed.

 

 

Interestingly, if you leave the location (e.g. the supermarket) you are more likely to develop an irrational fear of that place because you fear it happening again. So panic attacks lead to more panic attacks; annoying right? The more you focus on your symptoms, the harder it can be to let it pass.

I’ve heard some people say they distract their minds by counting in their heads or remembering something that takes focus like their first car registration. I was alone on a train so I just focused on taking long deep breaths, even though it felt impossible. It did eventually help and I managed to stay on board and it hasn’t affected my ability to use public transport.

Muscle tension

When I get anxious I instantly become very self-conscious. This is especially true in social situations where I’m expected to hold a conversation for long periods of time. One of my irrational fears which stems from when I had to leave my job due to depression was that people were going to ask what I did for a living. The answer would then be “Nothing, I’m unemployed because I have depression” a phrase which I was in no way willing to say out loud.

I was so ashamed of myself that I would ask my friends to pre-warn new acquaintances about the reasons of my unemployment so that I wouldn’t have to face the horror of that conversation. Even then, I was still so self-conscious that my entire body felt frozen whilst I floated aimlessly through these social outings. Unless I was plied with alcohol (a terrible decision) I would stare at the floor, hoping no one would ask me a question. If they did I would give a brief answer before turning to my partner or friend who received the usual ‘glare’, suggesting they should hijack the conversation and take it from here.

Ideally, I would stay near the perimeter of a large group of people where I could stand rigid, jaw clenched with my tongue pushed up hard against the roof of my mouth, pretending to listen to whatever the ‘normal people’ were talking about whilst I mentally drifted in and out of the room. This muscular tension which my body seemed to create as a defence mechanism became commonplace.

The one thing that I have found consistently rewarding throughout my depression is exercise. I was the perfect outlet for me to express myself physically, use up the nervous energy that was running through me and loosen up tight muscles. In particular, Pilates, Body Balance, Yoga and Willpower & Grace have all helped me with muscle tension.

If you can afford to go for a spa day and get a massage it will help immensely. It sounds patronising to say a massage will help your depression – it won’t – but it can help soothe the physical pain whilst you continue battle with the mental symptoms.

Have you experienced any of these symptoms?

10 things to boost your mood

10 things to boost your mood

10 things to boost your mood happy relax

Suffering from anxiety and depression is a full-time gig. I’ve come to realise it’s the little things that add up everyday to either make or break my mood, and when I can feel my mood start to take a dip I have a few ‘go to’ habits that will often stop me from slipping into a low state of being that lasts a few days.

I have gone through various forms of medication and treatment over the past few years, and this is by no means a cure for this horrible illness. It’s simply a few pointers for when I feel that dark cloud start to appear overhead – a few things that help me day to day and you might find useful.

What are your top tips to boost your mood?