by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 8, 2016 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, LIFE
Suffering from anxiety and depression is a full-time gig. I’ve come to realise it’s the little things that add up everyday to either make or break my mood, and when I can feel my mood start to take a dip I have a few ‘go to’ habits that will often stop me from slipping into a low state of being that lasts a few days.
I have gone through various forms of medication and treatment over the past few years, and this is by no means a cure for this horrible illness. It’s simply a few pointers for when I feel that dark cloud start to appear overhead – a few things that help me day to day and you might find useful.
What are your top tips to boost your mood?
by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 5, 2016 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, LIFE
Success is a strange thing. It’s one of those terms that we tend to use to describe other people, but never ourselves. We can say we are unhappy, hard-worked, stressed and dedicated all day long in the hope that we somehow appear successful – or at the least extremely busy – to others, but to stand up and proudly say “I am successful” seems too much. Too cocky.
How dare we have the audacity to praise our own accomplishments?
Yet, isn’t it the one thing most universally desired amongst most humans? Don’t we all want to be successful at whatever is that we do? Well after years of self-doubt I’ve taken a good hard look at my humble little existence and I’ve realised that am successful. Fuck it. I am my own success story and you can be too.
No one knows what I’ve been through
I don’t mean that in a dramatic “I’ve survived a zombie apocalypse” type of scenario, or even “I’ve survived a traumatic event”, something that many people really have gone through and emerged beautifully from the wreckage. I just mean that no one has the right to judge my success without personally knowing my circumstances. I mean really knowing me.
Even if you saw my life history down on paper, you still don’t know what’s gone on inside my head all of these years; the low self-esteem, the body image issues, the problematic eating habits and social anxiety problems that have reared their ugly heads in the past few years alone. No one can possibly tell me how successful I am because they don’t know the breakthroughs I’ve had to make on my own, in my head, repeatedly every day before I could even consider tackling practical barriers like getting a god job or buying a house.
I’m not saying Poor me, quite the opposite in fact. I’m saying Yes! Go me! because I’ve began to conquer my internal struggles and that’s a success story in the making right there.
I set my own standard of success
The universally recognised checklist for success is generally made up of a respected career, good income, marriage, home ownership, flashy car and maybe a couple of kids thrown in for a laugh. I have one of these things and the rest are unattainable for me at the moment so I’m just writing a new checklist. And guess what – its constantly changing.
At the moment I’m on a roll with regularly putting out blog content and getting more visitors to my site. I don’t get a lot if traffic so a successful day for me means increasing my traffic by 10% or getting my post retweeted on Twitter.
On a day when my depression has set in real deep, a home run for me is getting dressed and managing to pop to the shop for some milk. That’s reality for me, and I’ve come to terms with that. I will have days like that on a regular basis and that’s just what I have to work with to be happy.
Once it clicked that the bar was set by me – not my family, friends, employers or society – it seemed obvious that I could easily be a success in my own world. I set my own private goals and work towards smashing them.
I found out that salary means nothing
I’m well aware that it’s been said a million times, but money doesn’t necessarily make you happy. Money is a clear motivator to work hard at something, and having extra cash makes life easier and means you can support your family. So does this mean we should continue to pursue money as the root of all happiness? I’m not convinced.
Once you’ve worked hard to achieve a salary that makes life comfortable and enjoyable, the need to continually better the number on your wage slip year on year is a trap that many people fall into because they see it as the holy grail of success. The only way to prove their worth to the world.
I’ve been on a really nice income in the past and I was incredibly unhappy for a lot of that time. For some people it brings them genuine joy and that’s fantastic, I’m glad that they know what makes them happy. I’ve realised that job satisfaction, or even just having a job that allows time for the hobbies I enjoy is where it’s at for me right now.
If I can earn enough to get by and have the time and energy to do my favourite workouts, blog every couple of days and maintain strong relationships with my husband , friends and family then that’ll do. That’ll do just nicely, thanks.
How do you define success?
by Fiona likes to blog | Jun 23, 2014 | LIFE
I’ve been considering writing a post which is a bit more personal for a while, but I wasn’t sure what to talk about. As a health and fitness blogger I assume that everyone is vaguely interested in my food pictures and workout schedule, but who is really bothered about my personal life, or my thoughts in general?
Be that as it may, I am typing up this up even if its just some sort of therapy for myself. I wanted to talk about the importance of being selfish, and how I have slowly learned to do this in my own life over the past two or three years. I came out of university to a great management job and I worked long hours, I was a ‘people-pleaser’ and moved up in rank because I always aimed to impress the boss. I thought it was pretty easy and I often wondered why everyone didn’t see the simple equation of work hard, do what the boss wants and get rewarded. Over time this got harder, especially when the recession hit and targets became more unattainable and customers stopped spending money in my industry. I moved onto work with other companies and continued to climb from the bottom of the pile up to the top controlling multiple departments and doing three people’s jobs simultaneously. It was a wonderful step up in my career and it absolutely came from saying “Yes, I’ll do that” at every opportunity.
The problem with saying yes all the time is that after a while, it becomes almost impossible to say anything else.On one hand I became the positive leader that I had always hoped I would; I genuinely motivated my staff to work hard, be happy and get results. On the other hand I constantly juggled the wants of my overworked employees, several bosses, interfering department heads and customers, all of whom had different expectations and priorities which I had to try and meet somehow without disappointing anyone. Everyone goes through stressful times at work, but I look back now and realise that I was unable to say no to anyone. I was always taught to have a ‘can do’ attitude, in fact I think I even have it written on my CV as a skill! Without making this into a negative post, you get the gist of the situation – I was very busy, and basically spinning plates for a living.
I took some time off. I have a different job now and I am hoping to change career to work in the fitness industry. I’m sure many fitness instructors and personal trainers will be reading this shaking their heads and saying that I still need a ‘can do’ attitude to get anywhere fast. I guess my realization is that I will still get there – wherever that is – but there is no rush. I don’t need to be better than everyone else, clocking in early, working from home, picking up every extra shift or training opportunity that comes along. If I can find the time to do a little extra then I absolutely will, but not if it affects my sanity or the chance to spend time with the people that matter. The people who have helped me regain my confidence after shying away from life for a while deserve to see me at my best from now on and I’m still learning how to do that.
People will ask me to do things and if I’m not comfortable doing it I will say no. Sometimes I will explain myself, sometimes they will know me well enough to understand, and sometimes I just don’t feel I need to give a reason. I’m in a position where I need to feel calm, relaxed and in control of a situation to stay healthy and if saying no will make that happen that’s what I have to do. I’m not saying its easy, but it does come with a sense of relief and freedom which can feel very positive. I know that we have to do things that scare us to learn in life, and I still continue to do that. I did my Level 2 Gym Instructor training even though I knew it would be challenging in many different ways and I went on holiday to Cannes and put myself in stressful situations which I couldn’t have done 6 months ago. I pick and choose my battles now and at the moment I only do scary things which have the potential to have an amazing outcome.
If you’re struggling to fit in time to relax, see family or even just get a good night’s sleep then I urge you to try and be selfish sometimes. Explain this to your close friends and family, and warn them that you might have to cancel plans or don’t answer your phone after a certain time at night. Tell your workmates that you can’t help out right now but that you’ll be back on track and ready to muck in soon. No one expects you to be indestructible, and they’re all too busy with there own stuff to notice if you’re snowed under. They just assume that when you can’t do anymore you’ll say ‘too much’ and slow down. So be you’re own stop sign and be selfish.
