by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 23, 2016 | DEPRESSION, LIFE
Now is the perfect time for me to get pregnant.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 12 years, we got married in 2015, we just moved to a new city where he’s got a good job and I work part time. Apart from owning our own house, we are in a good state of affairs at the moment. I’m turning 30 in December. If I haven’t got a bun in the oven in the next six months then when will I? That’s the burning question on everyone’s lips.
OK the truth is, no one actually cares that I haven’t had a baby yet. None of my friends have mentioned it, my parents are silent on the matter and my husband – like me – is more or less certain (never say never, right?) that he doesn’t want kids either. I don’t want a baby. So why do I feel obliged to have one? I can’t stop thinking that I should want one. Am I crazy?
I was brought up as the middle child and only girl in a happy family. Looking back I’m certain I was a normal kid. Nothing unusual happened that I could possibly blame for my strange fear of having babies. I played with dolls, wrapped them up in blankets and soothed their cries. I stroked their shiny little heads and held them tight to keep them warm. As I got older I cut my Barbie’s hair, changed her outfit and sent her off on her first date with Ken in the hope of starting a family in their wooden doll house that resided at the end of my bed.
The notion of a family is something I am 100% comfortable with. I love having siblings, I’m close to my parents and I understand the importance of having a loving support network. But for as long as I can remember, whenever anyone asked me about having children I’ve always been confident in my answer. Thanks, but no thanks.
Throughout my life everyone has told me in a very patronising manner that I will change my mind. I’ve never really questioned myself on the subject, it’s always been something I’ve been so certain about. But in the past year or so, I’ve been starting to wonder. Every other female on the planet seems to have this motherly urge bursting out of them but I can’t seem to identify it within myself no matter how hard I try.
There’s no denying that my age is playing a part in this ‘pressure’ that I’ve started to put on myself. In fact it’s not even really pressure. I just feel so acutely aware that my body is primed to do this thing, and if I don’t do it soon I might miss my chance. I’m turning 30 at the end of the year and although I’ve always been adamant that I don’t want to have any children, I suppose I always knew I could try if I ever changed my mind.
Assuming I’m able to physically have children, then I’ve always known I could do it if my heart desired. When you’re young you forget that there is a bit of a time limit on the task though. You think you have all this time to decide, but I feel like the window is getting smaller. I know there are plenty of women over 30 experiencing happy pregnancies and giving birth to healthy babies but for me, now is the time where I need to start thinking seriously about what I want and planning for the future. What do I really want?
I find as a woman I’m generally expected to do one of two things; have a career or have a baby. Since I’ve concluded quite firmly (kind of) that I don’t want a baby then I should be focusing on my career, right? Well, how about no. If I don’t need a baby to complete me then I certainly don’t need a job to do the same.
I’ve spent too many years wasting my life on jobs that drain me to continue down that road. My mental health has suffered so for now, I’m focusing on living a fulfilled and balanced life. In fact, my mental state is another reason why I don’t feel great about having a sprog.
I am so uneducated on the subject that didn’t even know until recently that if I was to get pregnant I would have to stop taking my anti-depressants. This is not something I’m ready to do yet. I tried about a year ago and I failed miserably, so I’m really not in a place to go through that at the same time as having my womb inhabited by a new human being.
If that wasn’t enough, I’ve actually read some posts from health professionals advising that us ladies with depression should seriously consider our decision to have a baby. The reason being that we are statistically more likely to suffer further mental health issues during and post pregnancy. I can’t imagine feeling strong enough to put myself in such a vulnerable position. I admire any woman who does – and to be honest mental health issues are so common that it seems unrealistic to give out this advice to everyone – I just don’t feel like I’m quite stable enough yet to take that risk.
So what now? Maybe I’m destined to be the quirky aunt or the weird godmother that every kid needs. Maybe if we get too old to have babies we’ll adopt. Maybe I’ll not be 100% sure until it’s already happened. Maybe I need to worry a little less….
by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 16, 2016 | BEAUTY
Moving to a new city comes with so much excitement. There are new restaurants and bars to visit, sites to see, friends to make and hidden gems to seek out. But finding a new hairdresser? Nah mate. I’m not up for it. I don’t need to tell you that the relationship between a woman and her hairdresser is a sacred one. They have the power to make you feel revived, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. The best hairdressers will listen, give you advice and tell you what you need to hear – all part of the free therapy session that comes with the best haircut.
So, with that in mind I did my research to try and find a good quality salon in my new local area. Living in Birmingham means I have endless options. With so many to choose from it seemed wrong to simply choose the one that was most convenient for me (close to where I work) but true to form, I went with the lazy option and did it anyway. James Bushell has two salons and the branch I visited is located just outside of the city centre, on Calthorpe Road. It has a huge glass front meaning if you have anxiety like me, you can walk past awkwardly several times and look at the layout before you pluck up the courage to actually walk in.
I knew I was onto a winner as soon as I made my appointment, because within minutes I was in the chair with Advanced Colour Technician Allan who gave me a free consultation to discuss my colour. Planning to go from blonde to red, I knew I might be met with some hesitation as I know it can be hard to get the colour to stick to bleached hair. However he explained to me that dying it orange first would solve this problem and then he spent time helping me pick the exact shade of red I wanted. I’m no colour expert, so having someone suggest which colour might look best along with using celebrity examples for reference was super helpful and put me at ease with my final decision. He quickly did a patch test and I booked my appointment for the following week.
As soon as I sat in the chair I was offered a cup of tea, and Allan went through the colour chart again to make 100% sure I was happy with my choice. This was great because after a week I honestly had forgotten which one I’d picked. He warned me that the first shade of orange would be close to neon (it truly was magnificent) but not to worry, it would be dyed over with the right colour straight after. Everything he said was true, and the final colour was exactly what I’d asked for – a warm copper that looked like it was my natural hair. Even if my colour had turned out a disaster, having my hair washed whilst sitting in a vibrating massage chair would have been worth the hassle. No joke.
I opted for a simple trim and my stylist Kim was happy to oblige. She could tell my hair was thick and heavy and took little off the length but loads of weight out of the ends – just what the doctor ordered. Whilst she got to cutting my new ginger mop I took in the atmosphere in the salon.
Juniors were busy cleaning, sweeping up and helping stylists with odd jobs. Every client was tended to with either a cuppa, a glass of wine or some much-needed relationship advice. An elderly lady with dementia was having her colour done and I heard the staff dealing with her needs with with decorum of a family member. Another lady was feeling faint and two stylists sat with her on the front step until she was ready to come back in.
The place was buzzing with activity, but I still felt like I was taken care of intently from start to finish. No customer was ignored, but in the same breath no staff member seemed stressed or spread too thin. After my cut my final colour was reviewed by Allan; another personal touch that really made me feel valued as a client.
The prices are really reasonable considering the standard of service that you’re guaranteed to receive. I can’t recommend these guys highly enough and can’t wait to go back for my next visit. Now for the important bit – before and after shots:
Have you ever been to James Bushell ?
by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 14, 2016 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, LIFE
I ran a poll on Twitter asking how to deal with negative people. Overwhelmingly the response was ‘avoid them’. Pretty harsh don’t you think? Everyone’s allowed a good old moan once in a while; in fact I think it’s healthy to get your grievances out in the open. Letting them fester and grind you down only breeds resentment and unhappiness, so I think we should all feel free to talk about what’s pissing us off without fear of being deemed ‘the negative one’. But when you’re faced with someone who is so continually unhappy, when every word that comes out their mouth is a ‘poor me’ sob story – how should you deal with it? I know that it can personally leave me feeling drained, lifeless and in need of an energy boost. Here’s my advice on how to stay happy whilst dealing with this…
Establish if it’s a one off
You should first of all, go into the situation completely open minded. It’s easy to presume you know what someone is going to say before they’ve even opened their mouth, but try and ignore how they may have overreacted in the past and listen carefully to what they are complaining about. Is this something that they complain about regularly? If not then maybe it’s just a one off. If that’s the case then they should be allowed to get it of their chest, be a good mate and listen. You never know when you might need them to listen to you whinge about losing your bus pass on the way home. Whatever is bothering them might not seem important to you but it clearly is to them.
Let them vent
This can be hard. When someone wants to highlight everything bad that has ever happened to them from primary school to present day, it will test your patience. However, it is helpful to let them vent. Shutting them down or trying to change the subject will only make them feel insignificant, giving them more reason to feel sorry for themselves. Take time to let them get it all out of their system and then you can offer and advice or pearls of wisdom you have hidden up your sleeve.
Have a moan as well
Fuck it. Screw positivity and seeing the silver lining on every cloud. Sometimes we all need to wallow in our own unhappiness for a few hours whilst eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. If you’re friend is complaining about something that you identify with -or something that you simply can’t seem to comfort them about – get stuck in there too and bitch about life.
Be active
If you know you’re going round to a friend’s house and they’re destined to be in a stinker of a mood, try and entice them into doing something to take their mind of it. Using up nervous energy is great way to release your natural endorphins too so exercise is a great option! You could suggest swimming, yoga or even a walk around the shops to help act as a distraction. I would also recommend getting them to try something out of their comfort zone as the feeling of satisfaction you get after doing something you’ve always avoided is exhilarating. Even something as simple as baking a cake together can lift someone’s mood. This will also help keep your mood elevated if you’re starting to feel the weight of acting as agony aunt 24/7.
Don’t let it affect your mood
OK, granted this is easier said than done but try your best to not take on other people’s baggage as your own. You can be a wonderful friend just by being available and lending a shoulder to cry on, you don’t have to solve anyone else’s problems for them. Take it all in and afterwards try to forget about it as much as possible. This might seem insensitive but it’s important to keep your own head straight. Practising mindfulness is a great way to do this as it forces all thoughts out of your brain, leaving you with nothing but empty space and time to breath, relax and feel ready to create your own happiness.
by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 12, 2016 | DEPRESSION, LIFE
I recently posted about my Self-care tips for when you’re depressed and whilst writing it I realised that it’s always with the help of my other half that I feel better. I’m not saying that you need a partner to feel good – not at all – but over the years he has managed to figure out through trial and error how to handle me when I’m at my lowest.
There are no magic words that will make someone feel better when they are depressed, but it can be terrifying and somewhat lonely for friends and families to talk to people suffering – so much so that they might avoid talking to them altogether. Avoiding the subject is the worst tactic in my opinion. It breeds guilt within the sufferer and makes them feel like an outsider, like they are making things difficult and can end up pushing them further away.
This is by no means a completed list of what to say – it’s just a few things that have worked for me. When I feel helpless and upset for no reason it’s important that I feel comforted, even when I can’t explain what exactly the problem is. I hope that if you know someone who deals with depression that you take the time to ask them if they are OK, and tell them that you’re there for them. Even these few simple words can make them feel less alone.
Have you comforted someone with depression? I’d love to read your comments below.
by Fiona likes to blog | Sep 8, 2016 | FOOD
Since relocating my entire life to Birmingham my healthy eating game has been below average. I’ve indulged in several celebratory meals, family takeaways, and midnight stress eating sessions – involving a jar of peanut butter- and to be honest it’s been fantastic. For the past few weeks though, I’ve been trying to get more micronutrients in because I’m feeling sluggish, my skin is horrendous and I know I normally feel more upbeat and motivated. Like most people, I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day and when it comes to cooking I can’t really be f****d at the moment. I have managed to step it up though and eat more fruit and vegetables with a few super basic hacks.
Get stocked up
My first secret to staying on track is to always be fully stocked with ‘grab and go’ style food, or at least that require minimum preparation. I always have carrots, peppers and cherry tomatoes in the fridge as they can be chopped up and eaten raw – great for when you want to mindlessly munch on something in front of the TV. That’s a mini-hack right there too; if you can eat it raw then do it, and collect 100 lazy points from me. For breakfast, porridge sachets are a great cupboard staple. I always opt for the plain oats and add fruit and honey to sweeten. For dinner put some pre-cooked rice sachets, pre-chopped veg, fresh spinach, cooked prawns and chicken in your trolley as well as a jar of Lazy Garlic or Lazy Chilli for flavour. My fruit bowl is always full of bananas, satsumas, apples and grapes for an easy sweat treat. Oh and I even created a free shopping list for you to use which you can see here.
Get snacking
I’m all about snacking in between meals, it keeps me happy, satisfied and means my main meals are normally smaller (and less time consuming) to prepare. When I start work at 7.30am I normally have lunch around 11.15am (I work in a deli so it’s impossible to take a break at a regular lunch time) but then I don’t eat dinner until my husband gets home at 6pm. Naturally, a snack needs to be had in between these meals otherwise I get cranky AF. It’s always tempting to reach for cereal bars and chocolate especially after a full day at work, but I try to wait until I get home and make a plate of chopped veggies, salad, fruit and some humous. I love the cute little mini pots of humous as they stay fresh longer and can be taken to work without making a mess. I also love that Pip & Nut have invented these handy little sachets of their nut butters which I like to have with fresh apple. It means I don’t need to use any will power to stop eating the entire jar and again, they can be popped in my bag for work or travel. Other ready to eat snacks I rely on are sugar-snap peas, boiled eggs and greek yoghurt. Coconut yoghurt is great too if you can source it, and of course Nakd bars are a regular choice for a quick nibble on the go.
Cook once a week
My ultimate life hack for those who hate to cook is to do it all at once. I know it sounds horrible, right? But honestly, if you just set aside 2 hours on a Sunday you can batch cook a few chicken breasts and a one-pot meal and I promise you’ll only have to use the microwave for the rest of the week. I normally cook about 8 chicken breasts and make a large pot of chilli, and chop up some carrots and peppers ready for that ‘grab & go’ meal as required. You can also prep ahead overnight oats or boil some eggs for breakfast, both will keep for about 3 days refrigerated in an airtight container. This should get you set up for most of the week then at the weekend you can get back to eating leftover takeaways for breakfast and cereal for dinner. Or is that just me?
Don’t forget to check out my free shopping list
