Fiona likes to blog, Author at Fiona Fletcher Reid

Postnatal depression – a letter from my friend Amy

by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 15, 2017 | DEPRESSION

Mental illness is a huge part of my life – a powerful force at times – and I know many of you are in the same situation. Although I’m comfortable talking about depression and anxiety there are some conditions that I don’t know anything about.

I was recently sent a box of I Can Cards from Amy, the creator of the amazing project which aims to help people feel better about their mental illness through positive affirmations. Since then I’ve got to know Amy, and she’s written this beautiful letter about postnatal depression. I just had to share it with you:

I have had a cloud over me all week, and I have had a complete barrier up getting ready for my son’s birthday. He is a character, very funny, the cutest thing on earth and has a huge heart that I am so proud of.

So why was I refusing to acknowledge this very important milestone of his 2nd birthday? I only realised when I sat down, the night before, to write in his birthday card, that’s when it hit me, I was feeling so guilty. Not the usual Mum guilt, but a disgusting resentful and deep seeded guilt.

I became overwhelmed by the fact that I can’t remember the first 9 months of my son’s life, I had post natal depression, and this completely robbed me of a lot of things, but mostly the first 9 months of my child’s life. Which I know is so precious, people who have lost children, including a close friend, would do anything for these memories, people with fertility issues would cherish those 9 months, and most other humans, but not me, I couldn’t see anything through my fog of PND.

I wanted to wake up my lovely, almost 2 year old, and apologise for the first nine months, for stopping breastfeeding because I couldn’t be bothered, for not taking you out much because I physically couldn’t, for thinking that you were annoying and difficult, for so many things, I am whole heartedly sorry.

I have made a promise to cherish and worship every moment that we have, and to more than make up for those 9 months. I have a deeper gratitude and love for my children because I had PND, because I came out the other side and because I can’t imagine my life without them.

So the guilt turned into this weird epiphany that I’m glad I had PND, I’m glad for this crazy love I have for my children, being brave to leave a failing relationship, starting a social enterprise and business. AND for giving me a fresh start that I look back on and take a deep breath about, and above all reminds me how lucky I am.

My thoughts then turned to Mums going through it now. I’m right with you, it’s a painful journey, but I swear it is so worth it. All these dark thoughts and feelings you have right now, they won’t last, but what you will be left with is a new kick arse approach to life which is here to stay.

Check out Amy’s online store where she sells positive affirmation cards to help sufferers of PND, depression, anxiety and break ups as well as single parents. I’ve been using the depression and anxiety pack for weeks now and it’s had such a positive impact on my day. I actually talk through a card from the box every morning on my Instagram stories and it sets the tone for my day. I love them!

Just a friendly reminder on this gloomy Monday 💪🏻
A post shared by Fionalikestoblog.com (@fionalikestoblog) on Aug 8, 2017 at 1:40am PDT

Why make-up free days are essential for your self-care routine

by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 9, 2017 | BODY POSITIVITY

Make up free days are essential for self-care

I haven’t always been an advocate of the make up-free life. I remember getting a compliment one day at work when I was in my ‘proper’ job. You know, the type of job that your parents are finally happy about. The kind of job that looks good on your CV. The kind of job that has a title and an office, but bears no resemblance to the dreams you had as a kid.The kind of job that gives you a mental breakdown. Or maybe that’s just me.

I was under a lot of pressure on a daily basis. Something that I now know I can’t cope with. On this particular day – the compliment day – I was constantly being pulled between responsibilities. I managed a big catering outlet so on busy days I had to step away from the computer and instead clear tables, supervise staff and do the dishes.

As soon as the lunchtime rush died down I reluctantly got back to my expanding to-do list which should have been completed before 10am that morning. Oops. Then I got a call from the finance department asking me for the end of month figures.

“End of month?” I thought to myself.

I checked my calendar and saw that it was only April 24th, so how could I possibly give her the end of month figures when the month hadn’t even ended yet? Then I realised that she needed the figures for March, not April. I was a month overdue on my paperwork. Oops again.

I stomped upstairs in my awkwardly tight – but flattering – pencil skirt to hand in the requested stats. I slid the the poly pocket onto Kirsty’s desk and tried to escape without too much small talk. She glanced up briefly and murmured “thanks” before doing a double-take. Her eyes widened and she almost jumped up out of her chair to inspect my face.

“Are those false eyelashes?” she asked, with a curious grin on her face.

I laughed and blushed a little, wondering who on earth would have the time or patience to apply false eyelashes at 5am in the morning. “No, I’m wearing the new Benefit mascara” I said, letting her in on the worst-kept beauty secret of the year.

No acceptance speech required

She congratulated me (as though having lengthy eyelashes warranted some sort of Oscar acceptance speech) and vowed to get the mascara herself in time for the weekend. I was so flattered. Getting that confidence boost from another woman made me feel good. So good in fact, that I continued to wear a full face of make up for the next year as my mental health began to crumble in a monumental fashion.

I awoke every morning filled with dread. Ignoring the symptoms of burnout and mental fatigue I insisted on spending 40 minutes applying layers of foundation, painting on a black liquid eyeliner (an anxiety-inducing task at the best of times) and crafting the perfect set of brows.

As I sobbed in the bathroom at work I made sure to wipe away my mascara-tainted tears carefully and do a quick touch up job to cover any signs of distress.

As I look back now I realise the painful truth. I was pretending to be OK and hoping that if I looked ‘put together’ on the outside then maybe no one would notice that I was cracking under the pressure.

Like most people, I wore make up to feel better about myself. I still do. I wear make up when I want to feel sexy, powerful, confident or to express myself creatively. I wear make up to cheer myself up. I wear lipstick to distract from tired eyes and extra mascara to distract from greasy hair. It’s a wonderful thing!

But for me, nothing feels better than reaching for my cleanser at the end of the day and wiping it all off. Washing away the grime and dirt is so soothing, replenishing and helps me feel like ‘me’ again. It reminds me that although I enjoy wearing make up, it’s important to accept myself barefaced too. I’ve learned to love myself ‘au naturale’ in all my imperfect glory.

But going make up-free really that easy?

I know a lot of women can’t fathom leaving the house without any make up on. The thought of going make up-free in the name of self-care doesn’t make sense to them, and I totally get that.

You think you’re skin is too spotty, blotchy and somehow both dry and oily at the same time. It’s not tanned enough and you hate your freckles. You’re eyebrows aren’t symmetrical and bushy like Cara Delevigne’s and your lips need plumping to mimic Kyle Jenner’s.

I know these thoughts probably go through your head everyday, especially after you’ve just lost an hour of your life to Instagram and are now convinced you need a set of arse implants and a 28 day detox plan to be happy.

But what if you worked on taking care of yourself at a more basic level? Forget all the quick-fixes, add ons and lens blurring filters and instead thought about what’s on the inside? What if you worked on showing your physical self some care and attention before you focused on simply covering up, manipulating or correcting your so-called flaws?

Self-care starts on the inside

You need to set the foundations with positive thoughts about yourself. Surround yourself with people who love themselves the way they are. I know you’re not in that frame of mind yet and you think you never will be, but how do you think you got to where you are now?

You’ve unknowingly surrounded yourself with people who constantly criticise their physical appearance and do anything possible to change it. Whether it’s celebrities getting ridiculous surgeries to change their body shape or the health industry selling you the next fat-burning secret to success. You’ve spent years or possibly even decades thinking that you’re body is somehow WRONG. I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

How you correct that way of thinking is by replacing all those voices with ones who preach how you want to feel. Read articles by body positive women. Follow women on Instagram who understand how you feel.

Maybe it’s a fitness instructor who prioritises strength and performance over aesthetics. Maybe it’s Brummy Mummy of 2 who shows the funny side of parenting. Maybe it’s Kenzie Brenna who swears cellulite is normal and should be on show for the world to see. Find your tribe and listen to what they have to say, talk to them and ask questions. These people have nothing but love for you and your body image struggles.

Still feeling lost? Read this post which details three practical ways to encourage a more positive body image.

But back to the make up-free manifesto I got going on here. Make up-free days are an essential part of my self-care plan. I truly believe that revealing your naked face is a major step in accepting the skin you’re in, and that’s what self-care is all about.

I really started to go make up-free a few years ago and it’s all because I started a new skin care regime. I’ll be honest, I didn’t have ANY skincare routine until I was 25 years old. I used to got to sleep in my make-up and scrub it off with soap the next day. SOAP. Aaargh if only I could turn back the clock and save my poor skin from all that torture!

Let me make one thing crystal clear. I’m not saying that you NEED a skincare routine to feel good about going make up-free. Absolutely not.

But sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction, and a routine which forces us to think introspectively about ourselves is a good start. How often do you actually take the time to massage your face, gently remove make-up and really give your skin what it needs to function at it’s best? Here are a few reasons why I think a good skincare routine will help instil that feeling of self-care in your mind;

You look at your skin everyday
Your face expresses how you feel
A skincare routine is quick and easy to implement
You’ll literally SEE the benefits (point number 1)
It can give you the confidence to go make up free

My skincare routine is very simple and it’s all focused around my favourite brand Liz Earle. It’s available online and in most Boots stores, it isn’t ridiculously overpriced and they don’t advocate a zillion different pointless products. My simple routine looks like this:

1.Cleanse & Polish
2.Superskin Eyecream
3.Superskin Face Serum
4.Superskin Moisturiser

Optional extras:

Superskin Concentrate for Night
Brightening Treatment Mask
Superskin Super Lip Balm

AND THAT’S IT.

Liz Earle is my favourite because the ingredients are kind on my sensitive skin but still really powerful. I’ve found the Superskin Face Serum in particular has made a huge difference to the texture of my skin, evened out redness and has minimised breakouts. I feel like my skin is way more predictable now that I’ve got a routine in place and I only use masks or treatments when I need a little boost.

I’m a firm believer in small tasks adding up to a big result and this is definitely the case with my skincare routine. My routine takes 5 minutes – unless I’m doing a face mask – and just spending that small amount of time each day has led me to this newfound confidence in my skin.

I can now go make up-free with out feeling worried or self-conscious and that’s been a huge benefit to my mental health. When I’ve lost a night’s sleep due to anxiety I can take it slow the next morning, avoid putting any make up on my tired eyes and go barefaced without feeling crap about myself.

Going make up-free is a statement about my strength. It says I’m happy with my flaws. In fact, I barely even see any flaws when I look in the mirror. I just see me. Going make up-free is the ultimate badge of confidence which is almost as comfortable as wearing your pyjamas to the supermarket. Why wouldn’t you do it?

Thanks to all my barefaced beauties who came calling when I asked them to share a make up-free selfie in honour of this post. Go and check their blogs out below!

Amii

Tracey

Kitty Katt

Victoria

Sinead

Reanne

Emma

Lorna

Sinead’s You Tube channel

Reanne’s blog

Emma’s blog

Lorna’s blog

Mental health clothing for when you want own your illness

by Fiona likes to blog | Aug 3, 2017 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION

Mental health clothing is my jam.

You should know by now that I’m really into talking about my mental illness. In fact, I think it’s pretty darn important that we ALL talk about it. We’ve been conditioned to stay silent on the subject for so long that we now need to shout EXTRA LOUD to make sure the world hears us when we say mental illness is real, and it needs to be taken seriously.

There are many ways you can choose to wear your mental illness on your sleeve. I suggest you wear it with pride. You’re a warrior, a strong-minded individual who is not defined by your diagnosis and if you’re comfortable, I urge you to start a conversation about mental illness.

What better way to wear it than on a fricking kick-ass t-shirt?

This black t-shirt from Keep Real is subtle and so it’s perfect if you’re not confident wearing your label just yet. The Keep Real range is full of inspiring products which quietly promote emotional well being.

The ethos of ‘keeping it real’ is something I wholly subscribe to, so I adore the idea of wearing their emblem on my chest as a reminder to be honest with myself. They aim to source ethically sound materials for their clothes as well as recyclable and biodegradable packaging.

If you haven’t heard of The Crybaby Club then head over and check out their store. I found them on Instagram last year and instantly felt part of the community, so much so that I ended up writing a guest post on their blog about being an introvert in a new city.

Since then I’ve spent hours lusting over their t-shirts, pins and apparel whilst feeling uplifted by their overarching message; It’s OK to be a crybaby.

This tough and tender t-shirt is sold out at the moment but here’s my current favourite alternative!

Heads Above The Waves is a not-for-profit organisation that raises awareness of depression and self-harm in young people. They promote positive, creative ways of dealing with the bad days.

This hoodie was inspired by Alan Watts who said “I have realised that the past and future are real illusions – that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is”.

Hoodies are essential garments for me. Although I’m all for reclaiming my mental illness with confidence, I still have those days where I want to be enveloped in comfort. This soft hoodie is exactly what I need on those days!

I’m always banging on about being an introvert, mainly because I only realised I was one less than a year ago. This Introvert Girl Gang t-shirt from Shop Luella number one on my wish list because I want everyone to know that I’m not rude, I’m just introverted!

Looking for specific tips on how to manage your self-care as an introvert? Check out this blog post where I explain why creativity is key and how it helped me get my self-care routine sorted out once and for all.

Wear Your Label have been flying the flag for mental illness for a few years now. Started by two friends who had their own mental health struggles, you can really feel that the creators understand how difficult it is to talk about mental illness.

I talk about negative body image a lot, and I’m still a work in progress when it comes to loving the skin I’m in. Just because you’re not fully ‘there’ with your self-love doesn’t meant you can’t still be an activist on the subject though.

I believe sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it. I’m continually ignoring the negative voices in my head and trying to amplify the positive thoughts, so have this t-shirt on hand for the bad days is a plan I need to put into action.

Model Felicity Hayward has been kicking arse in front of the camera for several years now by being bold, beautiful and proud of her body. She’s embodied her ethos in a range of t-shirts plastered with the “self love brings beauty” slogan and quirky illustration.

I love the image of hands creating a heart, because it really drives home the idea that you are in control of your own self-image. It shouldn’t be dictated by the way others see you, or how certain body types are portrayed in the media.

As long as you can learn to treat yourself with care, you’ll feel beauty from within.

Mental illness merchandise

I’m not going to lie, looking at this inspiring lot has got me more than a little bit tempted to start working on my own mental health clothing to sell online. In fact, I might just make a batch for me to wear myself! Are there any areas of mental illness that you feel are particularly marginalised and need to be put in the spotlight?

My Scottish pals will be pleased to know that there’s a new outlet for t-shirt printing in Glasgow called Printsome who have kindly sponsored this post. They offer free shipping on all orders and will print anything from 10 to 10,000 items catered to your specific needs. They also have a blimmin’ good selection of t-shirts, hoodies, bags and hats.

How will you choose to wear your mental illness? I’d love to know in the comments below!

Creative self-care ideas for introverts with depression

by Fiona likes to blog | Jul 26, 2017 | ANXIETY

Introverts, this one’s for you.

I’m sitting at my desk, home alone, with only the light of my laptop to light the room. Rain eerily taps against the open window and I suddenly realise that I’ve not spoken to anyone in about 12 hours. This might sound like the start of a horror film but for an introvert like me, this is heaven. Sweet, lonely heaven.

I love my husband, family, friends, work colleagues and all the people I’ve met online since I started writing about mental illness but by gosh, do I need my alone time. I mean real alone time, on the regular.

After several years of recoiling from every human interaction, I’ve become quite skilled at the art of pretending to be a ‘people person’. I’ve mastered making polite conversation with strangers, and realised that whilst said stranger talks I should think constantly about what to say next.

Filling in the gaps is essential to avoiding awkward silences and the dreaded ‘weather’ chat. If I have to pull out the weather card then I’ll always punctuate it with a convenient exit to the bathroom to buy me a few minutes of solitude before the next surge of energy is required and more small talk is thrown required.

Inevitably I’ll use the bathroom break excuse one too many times and realise that it’s probably time to exit the vicinity, instead of hiding in the en suite quietly watching You Tube videos or going through the receipts in my purse.

The point is, when you hit your limit as an introvert you just hit it. That’s it. With the pain and immediacy of a gunshot wound it needs urgent medical attention, otherwise the situation will be critical. For many introverts, a creative self-care routine is essential. Here are some ideas…

Baking

I’m no Mary Berry that’s for sure. Baking is an exact science, and as someone who’s prone to tossing in more than one haphazard substitutions I normally give it a miss. Spending hours mixing dry ingredients separately to wet ingredients only to combine them and forget to add something important- like eggs or sugar- is my idea of hell.

It’s a creative outlet for sure, but one which often leaves me feeling more deflated and useless than when I started. Luckily I’ve found the perfect solution which requires no skills whatsoever. Superfood Bakery offer pre-packaged mixes which are all natural, gluten-free and filled with superfoods.

introvert creative self-care

Most recipes require the addition of an egg (I think I can manage to remember that ONE egg, although I’m not making any promises) or a vegan substitute such as one ripe banana. I tried out the Spirit Lifters Cookies last weekend and was pleasantly surprised that I managed to create 18 perfectly formed cookies with little to no effort!

No electric mixer needed and no last minute dash to pick up weird and wonderful ingredients. The best part was the feeling of accomplishment that came from honestly about 10 minutes work. The ultimate lazy girl activity. I got extra creative and made some vegan ice cream sandwiches with some Alpro dairy free vanilla ice cream too.

introvert self-care creative

Scrap-booking

I’m not talking anything elaborate (although maybe you’re more committed to the cause than me) but scrapbooking some of your favourite photographs can be a nice way to remind yourself of happy memories. Practising gratitude is something a lot people advise for introverts with depression, and I find looking through old photos is a nice little nudge in the right direction. It reminds me of how much fun I have with my friends and family and often spurs me on to phone my mum, message a friend or set up a meet up in the future.

Upcycling

Being creative for the sake of creativity is something I’m a huge believer in. You don’t need to paint solely with the aim of creating a picture which will hang on your wall or be sold to a buyer. Paint because you love the feeling of mixing colours, brushing it onto canvas and making something out of nothing.

Upcycling is a way to get creative in a way which just happens to have a functional end result, assuming that you’re any good at it. I know someone who is a dab hand at upholstering chairs, repainting old furniture and even making new things such as wall-mounted shelves out of cabinet drawers. The best I’ve done is to rescue a wooden crate and paint it a nice mint green shade. It’s nothing exciting but I use it to house my recycled bottles and cardboard, and acts as a friendly reminder that I did something productive that day!

When you feel ready – possibly weeks later, no judgement here – you can revisit the list and group them into actions, feelings and worries. Now it’s time to create an action plan. Think logically about how to problem solve the negative feelings, kind of like a very informal CBT session. Prioritise the quick, easy jobs first and then schedule days and times for the rest. My tip would be to overestimate how long each task will take you, and try and tackle at least one job per day.

I’ve gone face-first into into the irresistible cream-cake that is stationery addiction and amassed quite a collection of Kikki.K notebooks. I’m strangely proud of this stockpile and find myself gravitating towards my notebooks when I need a little me time. I’ve even found myself muttering ‘I need my notebooks’ when I’m stressed, in a slightly strange manner.

Dance classes

I’m no Beyonce but when it comes to busting out a few moves at a Zumba class I like to think I’m just as good as anyone else in the room. I’ve genuinely seen some of the most uncoordinated introverts look blissfully at home in amateur dance classes. It’s such a joy to watch. Some of us just NEED a physical release. Dancing is one of those things that you can do around the house or out at the weekend, but in a class you get that wonderful group atmosphere and the camaraderie of people failing and succeeding at different speeds as the teacher set the routine for the group.

Blogging

Although I consider blogging a part-time job it’s also a creative outlet for me. I used to think maybe blogging was a terrible pastime for an awkward little introvert like me. I was certain that I had to override my urge to be alone, but now I realise it’s just the way my brain works. I knew I had anxiety so I tried to force myself to fill up my time with social activities, hoping I could somehow change my personality through force. Now I’ve realised I actually need that alone time to keep me on an even keel the rest of the time.

introvert self care

Blogging is great because you can literally write about whatever you want and publish it instantly There are loads of very niche specific sites out there, so you’ll definitely find other people who are interested in what you have to say! I’ve found blogging is a form of therapy for me, a way to express my feelings and also talk to people online who have similar problems. There is a huge online community of mental health bloggers and I now totally feel part of something, even though it’s something I do alone from my laptop.

Still wondering if blogging is for introverts? Find out more here.

Photography

Think you’re not a good enough photographer to take it up as a hobby? That’s bullshit! Self-care activities from introverts aren’t about being the best at something, or even remotely good for that matter. Trust me, I’m a truly awful photographer! It’s about finding time for yourself and nurturing your creative side with all it’s flaws.

I use my iPhone and find it does just fine for taking basic snaps for Instagram and on the blog. There are loads of good guides out there which help you utilise the camera feature on your iPhone and some very helpful apps which can help you edit too.

Organisation

In the same vein as stationery, organising is one of those hobbies that not everyone will understand. I got you girl, don’t worry. I’m in awe of those who can take the time to painstakingly file every book they own in alphabetical order. I long to have a wardrobe which is arranged by colour, displaying a majestic fabric rainbow every morning when I select my outfit for the day.

The truth is, organising your belongings can give you a great sense of pleasure but it doesn’t have to be on a grand scale. Your whole life does not have to be organised, but if your underwear drawer is neat and tidy then you can feel secretly smug as the rest of your life falls apart. When I have a bad relapse of depression I often shun the daily chores in favour of small tasks which really don’t need tackled, but make me feel better anyway.

self-care introverts

You might want to audit your kitchen cupboards and throw out any out of date food, clean the insides and rearrange everything to make things easier to find. You can make a list of everything in your fridge and freezer then create a meal plan for the week in order to use up all the random things you have in there. Matching up odd socks is always a fun task. Joke – that is literally an impossible task which should not be attempted under any circumstances.

Visit musuems

I studied art at school and although I never really immersed myself in the work of others. I’ve always been interested in visiting art galleries. A lot of them are free to visit and have a kick-ass gift shop where you can stock up on comedically huge erasers and crystal jewellery until you heart’s content. That aside, walking around in the eerie silence of an old building filled with historical paintings which have existed for hundreds of years is something that speaks to me deeply.

I’m not great at meditation, but this is a form of mindfulness that I can get on board with. My phone is turned off in my bag, there are minimal distractions and I get to tap into that creative part of my brain for an hour or so in relative peacefulness. End this outing with tea and cake in the cafe (what introvert dreams are made of) and you can consider yourself mentally invigorated and ready to take on the world.

Introverts, you got this

Self-care is not a substitute for medical help, but it’s a key addition to recovery from depression and working towards preventing a relapse. I’ve found being creative and learning to express my feelings is a big part of my self-care routine, and this might look different for every person. Finding a few activities that work for you is a great way to have a back-up plan for when you feel low, or crave alone time after a lot of social activity. Just remember, find something you enjoy and don’t be afraid to fail. It’s all about having fun and getting some creative satisfaction. For more info download my free eBook!

Contains affiliate links and PR samples

Podcasting

As a creative introvert with anxiety, I’m forever adding projects to my list of jobs I’d love to do. It’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, but there’s just so much I want to try. Starting a podcast is something that I’ve toyed with for almost a year, but ultimately I don’t think I’ve got the time, technical abilities or the commitment to tackle this one just yet. Watch this space.

I’ve started a You Tube channel and it’s let me talk about mental illness in a new way which doesn’t involve blogging. But back to podcasting. When you’re feeling burnt out, tired, and in need of that recharge time which us introverts thrive on, you might want to consider listening to a podcast. For me it bridges that gap when you want alone time but with a little background noise. A friendly voice can do a lot to make you feel like you’ve been sociable when really you’ve sat at home all day scrolling through Pinterest and convincing yourself you don’t need to shower.

Is listening to podcasts creative though? I find that listening to entrepreneurial talks are really inspiring, and get me thinking about how I can create better content, focus my mind or look at new income streams for my business. Sometimes it will give me new ideas but it might also just confirm that I’m already on the right path, which is a welcome feeling for someone constantly worries they’re a complete failure. I also listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. It might sound weird (I know there are other Murderinos out there, hey, I see you) but I get enthralled in the details about serial killers, religious cults and crimes of passion. I also listen to feminist podcasts, ones about blogging, social media and little Desert Island Discs too. Whatever floats that boat of yours.

Stationery

I know I’m not the only girl introvert who considers buying and using stationery an activity in itself. Concerned? Don’t be. I’ve been using stationery as a form of creative therapy for the past few months and it’s a game-changer. Get your highlighters at the ready gang.

I’ve found most negative feelings can be soothed with a tool known as a Brain Dumping. All you need to do is grab a scrap of paper (I’ll choose my £15 embossed, hardback dream journal but whatevz, no big deal) and dump all of your thoughts down on one page. The beauty of a Brain Dump is that you don’t need to do anything this these thoughts. Just leave ’em. The simple act of dumping them on the page is therapeutic enough that you’ll feel lighter, calmer and more relaxed by getting them off your mental to-do list and recorded on paper.

introvert self-care creative

Customer service work ruined my mental health

by Fiona likes to blog | Jul 13, 2017 | ANXIETY, DEPRESSION

UPDATE: Since writing this post I’ve successfully pivoted from hospitality into a career in freelancing. My book Out of Office: Ditch the 9-5 and Be Your Own Boss is an Amazon bestseller and the perfect guide for anyone who craves a more flexible work life. Learn more about my journey from barista to book deal in this podcast episode.

Mental health is a difficult subject in customer service. In fact it’s MORE than just difficult… it’s awkward as hell, but it shouldn’t be.

“Do we have any spare till roll downstairs in the office Boss?”

I turned to Deb, stared her straight in the eye and quietly whispered, “I haven’t got a fucking clue. I’ve got a million and one things on my to-do list today Deb and it’s NOT MY JOB to find the till roll now, is it?”

Her eyes widened and her weight slowly shifted onto her back foot as she stepped away. “Sorry, Fiona” she said.

I didn’t fly off the handle often, and Deb was one of my best workers when I was managing a big cafeteria in a well-known Scottish tourist attraction, so it’s no wonder she was taken aback when I escalated so quickly over a simple stationery related inquiry.

Over the years (13 years to be exact) I’ve held down a variety of jobs. A local bakery, late-night coffee shop, cafeteria, student lunch hotspot and sandwich deli to name a few. The tasks have often been different but the one thread so painfully piercing its way through every career move has been customer service.

The customer is always right. The phrase which gave Joe Public license to complain about everything and forced minimum wage workers to accept the inevitability of being emotionally trampled on 12 hours a day, 5 days a week.

From my first after-school job when I spent one day a week in my local cafe sweeping, mopping floors and scrubbing crusty coffee cups, I was told to be polite, courteous and to accommodate any customer requests with a smile.

When I moved to the capital city, the job of keeping customers happy became a trickier. I was bombarded with requests for very particular orders such as decaf, half-calf, extra hot, wet, frothy, dairy-free and fair-trade. These are just a few beverage related demands I encountered on an hourly basis.

The mind numbing concentration required to process these orders for umpteen hours a day was considerable. Human error always fell into the mix and meant some customers were served half-fat milk instead of full-fat. They may even have enjoyed an extra shot of caffeine on me, or a shot less if my sloppiness didn’t go in their favour.

customer service mental illness

Making chat with customers became like torture, especially when the red flags of my declining mental health began to pop up uninvited. Lying awake until 3am fantasizing about falling down the stairs and breaking a leg was the norm, as was a sudden death in the family; anything to avoid going back to the painstaking task of pretending to be happy in front from strangers.

Around the same time when till roll-gate was kicking off, I found myself unable to cope on a daily basis. I was religiously painting on a full face of designer make up, determined to appear the picture of success whilst my love for life was slowly fading into the abyss. I filled my diary up with hourly slots of management tasks e.g. order stock, check invoices, staff training, meeting with finance department, stock take. I was adding more and more skills into my repertoire and mastering none of them. Updating my CV for future employers seemed the only way to skim some minor benefits off the top of this stinking mess I’d created for myself.

The repetitive nature of the job was soul-sucking. The most difficult aspect was that the overall goal of my job (other than making money) was to keep the customer happy. I was finding this concept increasingly harder to digest as my hatred for everyone and everything became overwhelming.

Why was I such a failure? How come everyone else I knew could serve the public and not want to end their life after a day at work? I couldn’t understand. I’d worked for so long to secure a career and now the entire industry seemed off-limits to me as I despised every single milk-frothing moment of it. From the moment I swiped in, turned on the coffee machine and reset the tables to the moment I stocked up the drinks fridge and mopped that same patch of floor for the 10th time that week. Every. Single. Moment.

I looked into other jobs but I didn’t want to start again. I felt entitled to this career path that I’d forged for myself, and I wasn’t willing to hand it back. The result was a mental breakdown. There are no two ways about that. I fell apart. On the end, I felt I had to quit my job to focus on taking care of my mental health. I won’t go into that here, as I’ve written a lot about why I had to lose my career to save my mental health already. You might want to read this later to get a bit more background.

So what can you do to change it? Can you try and save your mental health before it all gets too much? I really believe you can.

Change industry if you can

I feel like anyone should have the right to do any job they’re qualified to do, regardless of their mental health. Unfortunately working in retail is a high-pressure, past-paced environment that requires employees to maintain good composure in stressful situations. Not everyone is qualified to do this to a standard that companies expect. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

On top of that, many companies are ill-equipped to deal with staff who have a mental illness which affects their ability to work. This might leave you with little support when you need it most. I’m not 100% sure what the best industry is for people with mental illness as I’m still experimenting myself, but my advice to you would be to try something new if you feel up to it. I currently divide my time between freelance writing, blogging and working part-time in a sandwich shop. It’s worth mentioning that retail and catering work is a varied industry, and so you might find one form of customer service that is slightly easier on your mental state than others.

If you’re a waitress and multi-tasking stresses you out, then maybe doing a more focused job – like checkout work – sounds more appealing to you. Maybe it’s your level of responsibility that’s making you uneasy. I spent years as a catering manager and I know I’m more comfortable in a server role, where I don’t have to worry about so many things. Check out my free mini worksheet below which will help you brainstorm some ideas for new industries you’d like to work in.

Move around

My current role has a few plus points that make is particularly good. It’s mostly takeaway food which I find easier as I only have to concentrate on one order at a time, as opposed to the panic-inducing practice of waiting 5 tables at once, taking orders, making drinks and running everything over with a smile.

I’ve found that larger organisations often have better systems in place for dealing with employees who have mental illnesses that need accommodating. With that said, some of the most sympathetic bosses I’ve had are people who own their own businesses. Sometimes having that face-to-face connection and a closer relationship with your employer will be the extra thing that helps your open up about your situation and get the assistance you need to work happily.

The point I’m trying to make is that it’s quite possible for you to continue working in customer service if you’re given the proper environment to do it in. That means the right amount of hours, enough staff to make the job enjoyable and an honest discussion with your employer about what you’re comfortable doing. Don’t underestimate the power of simply trying somewhere new.

Find an outlet

This might sound a bit vague, but I can only explain it in the way that it’s helped me in my daily life. I have this blog and I work on it everyday. I write posts, create images, design the website, send out newsletters, do live broadcasts and manage all the social media outlets that go along with it.

I spend every spare moment I have working on building this concept that I have and it gives me a reason to get up in the morning. It even makes me get up earlier than I need to just to get stuff done. I even look forward to going to work with the public now as a welcome break from staring at a computer screen. It helps me get that human contact that is so often lacking from a job which is desk-based. Working on my blog on the other hand, fills the intellectual and creative void that working in the shop can’t provide.

My other outlet is exercising. I go to the gym between 3-5 times a week and I find it’s a great physical release for emotions that I can’t express verbally. It’s great for a digital detox (leave your phone in your locker) and gives me time to think through anything that’s on my mind. A good yoga session is phenomenal at releasing tension you never even knew you had.

That’s the two hobbies that really get me motivated, and I’m rarely not in the mood to do either of those things so I feel like I’ve always got somewhere to turn when I’m frustrated after another draining day of pointless conversations with customers. I’ve even complied this list of hobbies for depression so you should check it out for some inspiration.

Flipping burgers or stacking shelves might be your day job, but it doesn’t define you. If you enjoy doing that everyday then congratulations, you’ve cracked it. Rock on. But if like me you find yourself cursing customers under your breath, hiding in the store cupboard because you’re having a panic attack or crying on the bus home because you can’t do it any more then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your situation.

You don’t NEED to quit your job in retail to improve your mental health, but it is worth considering; could it make your life a hell of a lot easier?