Fiona Fletcher Reid

Being the face of my business made it impossible to grieve

Fiona likes to blog — Mon, 09 Jun 2025 15:47:54 +0000

Like most toxic relationships, I’ve loved and hated my work with equal intensity over the course of my career. At 26, the stress of working in a hospitality management role put me on medication that I will probably take for the rest of my life. At 30, becoming a self-employed freelance writer and getting a book deal was a cause for celebration. Then, when I came out as a lesbian at 35, my attachment to my career began to shape shift yet again. But this time felt different.

In first few months after coming out as a lesbian, my work as a freelance writer and writing group facilitator was something to lean on when everything stable in my life had disappeared. My husband, our home, and the certainty about our future together had been destroyed. I moved back into my parents’ house, grateful for the rent-free living, yet stifled by a routine that was not my own, and desperate for a sense of direction when both my identity and path forward seemed like anybody’s guess.

Impossibly tall tenement rooms held the void of my future in their corners. Painted-shut windows wore the mould of outdated identities

Those early months were saturated in the kind of unpredictable grief that spilled out at the seams. Long voice notes to friends, pages and pages of journaling late at night. But work was a tonic, a reason to get out of bed, and a way to create financial building blocks for the future. I was helping people – hosting writing groups multiple times a week, holding space for connection and creative confidence was something that seemed like it should be fulfilling. So I kept doing it.

But still, something in me wasn’t OK, and I knew I needed more space to process and I needed it sharpish. I scoured ads on spareroom.com and moved into a room of my own a few weeks later. The rent was the cheapest I could find, and although there was some fear around being solely responsible for my own bills, I’d been earning consistent wages through my business for six years or so, and figured it would probably all work out fine.

Opening up to grief

The rumblings of a dissatisfaction with my work were amplified in the space. Impossibly tall tenement rooms held the void of my future in their corners. Painted-shut windows wore the mould of outdated identities. I liked to lie in bed because I could still see the trees from the window as I wept and wondered what would become of me. I moved in during the summer, and watched the summer leaves, jealous of their joy, from underneath secondhand sheets in another not-quite-mine kind of a room.

Tracing familiar steps from between the bedroom and the fridge, I worked with my MacBook propped up on my lap in bed, finding comfort in the hidden-away nature of my existence. Even when I was struggling, I worked hard on my business, chasing pitches, writing articles, and hyping myself up to mentor clients. Maybe I didn’t work in the ways that I used to, but I did so in the ways that grief allowed.

As autumn approached, I found a local poetry course to take part in. The creativity felt like a hopeful avenue for healing, perhaps even a boost of motivation to work a little differently? But as the leaves turned from green, to yellow, to fiery red, the catharsis of free verse opened up long-forgotten wounds, drew circles around my biggest fears, and zoomed in on my shadows in a way that was difficult to withstand. Vulnerability in writing has always been my strength. Previously, it was the safest place for me to tell the truth, because it gave me a chance to let my thoughts bloom fully and petter out naturally. But now, the truth was painful and hard to witness.

Fear of being uninspiring

As my tenderness towards the truth increased, my income plumetted. The optimistic, inspiring social media posts that had once led my online courses to sell-out in just a few days, weren’t coming naturally. In fact, they weren’t coming at all. I resented the implicit need to alchemise my life into marketing emails, to continually feed the algorithm with scroll-stopping hooks and calls to action. Yet the more I resisted, the more I noticed my bank balance dwindling.

The task of portraying myself online to make ends meet became tedious, bordering on self-betrayal. There were no inspiring tales to tell. It seemed that all my writing was dark, complicated, and worryingly contradictory to the ‘me’ that appeared in my books, the ‘me’ that clients had been used to working with. Sharing my emotional landscape online had once felt empowering, but now, it felt like career suicide. Even if people did genuinely want to know the inner workings of my mind, I was in no place to articulate them without falling apart.

When you take off the mask that made people like you, there’s a chance you’ll be left to fend for yourself.

So, as another low balance alert pinged on my phone, I did what I’ve always done. I assumed that I was the problem. I moved further and further away from the truth about the my unnamable grief and looked for ways to maintain the facade of palatability. Instead of the confessional emails I was known for, I bought marketing templates. On good days, I recycled old posts. On bad days, I asked ChatGPT to write them. None of it worked.

Unsurprisingly, this attempt to pass as emotionally stable didn’t work. Christmas brought with it one last-ditch attempt at an online writing group that I could only facilitate in the knowledge that it would be done entirely via email, without having to appear on camera. Several people took part and said positive things, but I was mentally absent from the process. In the New Year, I moved back in with my parents, yet again, to regroup.

Letting go of the perception of success

My business was not a victim in all of this. My business could have recovered; but not with me at the helm, that was clear. So I decided to start applying for jobs, which resulted in quite a few potential employers looking at my with confusion. Like one guy who literally scratched his head when he realised I was a published author applying for a social media role at a coffee company; another asked me how much I earned from my books; another curious as to why I was applying for such a ‘junior’ position. How could I tell them that the self-assured person who achieved all the successes on my CV was dead? How to explain that my career hinged on writing about myself, but that my reflection had become so distorted that there was no other option than to try writing about coffee as a way to escape my own grief?

Working in traditional employment had always felt like self-abandonment to me, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. Being self-employed, having autonomy over my projects, my schedule, my rates, that was self-reclamation. But now, opening up another rejection email was a reminder when you take off the mask that made people like you, there’s a chance you’ll be left to fend for yourself.

After almost six months of doing nothing other than apply for jobs and attend interviews, I was finally offered a year-long contract as Features Editor. Answering that phone call was what I imagine it must be like to win the lottery, except the cheque is just a year-long opportunity to remove the mask of performed happiness without getting into mountains to debt in the process. A year off from selling a product that is wrapped up in my identity, a year off from selling myself as part of my work, a year to redefine the boundaries of where my business ends and I begin.

This isn’t to say business owners can’t create space to work and grieve simultaneously. This isn’t to say that work is essential to recovery. It’s just that grief is an unpredictable shadow that follows us all in some shape or form, and how we learn to cope with that is unique to each of us. Having control over my work life used to soothe me, but after about 6 weeks of being in regular employment again, my nervous system responded and began to settle for the first time in years.

I’m an over-sharer and will always write about myself, but this portion of my life – the liminal aftermath of shattering who I am and not knowing what comes next – has been far too tender to unravel in realtime. And working within the reliable structure of a 9-5 job with a regular pay check every month, alongside the symbolic letting go of the obligation to write about my life on a public scale formed the beginning of a kind of healing for me. Will I share the lessons learned from this period? I’m not sure, but I know that writing this piece has been therapeutic, so it seems that baby steps are forming, although I’m taking it at my own pace.

A few years ago, I was entirely convinced that being a company of one was a cornerstone of my identity, that being self-employed was an essential aspect of what it means to be ‘me’. But life can surprise us, and perhaps that version of ‘me’ is the thing I’m grieving for today. May she rest in peace.

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Find clarity to journal with Focus Mapping

Fiona likes to blog — Mon, 02 Sep 2024 16:01:06 +0000

Journaling has never been a daily habit for me.

As much as I would LOVE to tell you that I wake up with the birds and gleefully open my notebook to do morning pages (look up The Artist’s Way if you’re not sure what that is) the reality is very different.

I journal in bursts. Sometimes multiple times a day, on my phone and in several notebooks. Other times, I’ll manage one paragraph of incoherent ramblings and resist trying again for months. There’s no shame in this, and it doesn’t mean that you’re not ‘good’ at journaling.

Personally, I’ve been seriously struggling to organise my thoughts recently and wondered if this focus mapping technique would help you. While it isn’t going to solve all of life’s problems, it has helped me get back into a groove with writing, after many many months of feeling unable to get started. Once you’ve got the hang of it, you might enjoy these other therapeutic writing techniques.

Forget ‘perfect’ journaling. Journaling doesn’t have to be a long, linear story of your day. Our thoughts jump around – let’s allow ourselves a more natural way of organising our ideas.

Try Focus Mapping

Focus mapping is a visual technique that can help you journal more easily. Here’s how to do it:

1. Grab a blank sheet of paper.
2. Write today’s date in the centre and circle it.
3. Draw 4-5 lines branching out from the date.
4. At the end of each line, write a topic on your mind (e.g., work, family, goals).
5. Add more branches to each topic with specific thoughts or ideas.
6. Keep expanding until you’ve written everything on your mind.
7. Review your map and choose one topic that stands out to you, and journal further on it.

Why it works

– It’s visual and fun
– Helps organise scattered thoughts
– Shows connections between ideas
– Lets you choose what to focus on

And hey, there’s no right or wrong way to journal. This method is just a tool to help you get started AND gives you a bank of ideas to work from the next time you open your notebook.

Try it out and see if it works for you.

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Writing as a Tool for Living Through Crisis

Fiona likes to blog — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 13:23:14 +0000

“How’s your apocalypse going?”

That’s something I heard Phoebe Bridgers say during the early months of the pandemic and it’s continued to ring in my ears ever since.

Because greeting each other with humour during trying times is a coping mechanism I simply refuse to give up. When you’re exhausted and life seems hopeless, allowing yourself to laugh seems wrong… but sometimes it’s all you have.

via GIPHY

I don’t want to talk about humour today, but I do want to talk about writing as a tool during a crisis. And I use that word because our world is in a crisis.

State of affairs

Here in the UK, we’ve been warned we’re living in a pre-war era. Locally, services for young people, women and the most vulnerable are being cut. Rates of mental illness are increasing across the board and access to support is limited, whilst cost of living increases.

News of violence, injustice, illness, and catastrophe bombard us 24/7 and for those already facing struggles with poverty, racism, mental illness or other challenges, this constant stream of negativity can feel utterly overwhelming.

Finding the motivation to do anything, let alone write, can feel impossible.

Writing through a crisis

Yet studies show that writing can be a powerful coping tool during times of crisis. The act of putting thoughts and emotions into words, especially in a private journal, has been found to reduce stress, depression, and anxiety. Writing helps make sense of chaos, gain perspective, and release pent-up feelings. It can be an emotional and mental lifeline when all seems lost.

Here are 3 tips to help you write during difficult times:

1. Start small

Just write one sentence or paragraph about how you feel right now. Don’t worry about structure, grammar, etc. The act itself is what matters.

2. Write by hand

Computers and phones are likely to lead to distractions, such as news feeds and emails. Write in a real paper journal or notebook. The tactile process can be soothing in itself, giving you a physical marker of your progress.

3. Make it private

We pressure ourselves to write a blog post or a clever tweet too often. Write for yourself, in private, as a way to hear your own thoughts. There’s no need to ever share it.

Acknowledge the vulnerability of writing

Writing requires courage during crisis, and it can help to admit that.

AndI think we know this, we know that writing means opening the floodgates to deep pain, confusion, anger and grief. But facing that tough stuff in your writing offers long-term mental health benefits. The insights gained lead to post-traumatic growth and a sort of order to the chaos, helping you process events and regain a sense of control.

If you’re facing a crisis, know that you have an powerful tool within you already – your ability to express yourself through words.

CHOOSE TO WRITE.

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3 Ways to Fit Writing Around Your Full-Time Job

Fiona likes to blog — Mon, 08 Jan 2024 13:12:54 +0000

When you’re working a full-time job, following your creative passions almost always take a backseat. You’re probably looking at me, a published author, and thinking – what does she know? She writes for a living! But hear me out.

First off – I didn’t start following my creative passions until I was in my late-twenties. Like most young adults, I put all my energy into my career which, at the time, was in hospitality management. I worked 12-hour shifts on my feet, serving customers, smiling through gritted teeth, lugging boxes and scrubbing floors. When I eventually made it home just before midnight, the last thing I wanted to do was open my laptop and write. So I didn’t. I stayed in my career lane and accepted the belief that writing wasn’t something that I was going to have in my life.

Secondly, I’m not embarrassed to admit that I STILL find it difficult to make time for my writing. Being a published author doesn’t pay the bills, so I spend a lot of my working day doing, er, very little writing. I’m doing other fun stuff like talking on zoom calls with clients, hosting group programs, creating social media content and putting online courses together. And when I DO get to write, it’s often in a marketing capacity where I’m writing blog posts like this with a specific audience in mind.

My artistic pursuits (poetry, non-fiction) are an unpaid craft that no one is asking me to make time for. It’s something that I have to take personal responsibility for and its oh-so-easy to let fall by the wayside.

I’m guessing you’re in a similar situation, where the itch to create clashes with the demands of your 9-to-5 grind, leaving your feeling drained and creatively starved. Good news, babes. I’ve got some advice for ya…

But first, why bother making time to write?

Let’s acknowledge the emotional toll that NOT writing can take on you. The frustration of abandoning your own creative pursuits in favour of professional obligations can lead to a sense of intense emotional pain and creative stagnation. You don’t need me to tell you hat this internal conflict has a drastic impact on your mental well-being.

A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology tells us that engaging in creative activities is linked to lower stress levels and enhanced mood. With this knowledge, I think it’s essential that you find ways to integrate writing into your daily life. In fact, I’ve seen this happen in real-time with clients who see a correlation between making time to write and the way they show up in the workplace. Having something creative to focus on outside of the 9-5 actually puts them in a better mood during working hours.

OK, enough chit-chat. Here are my tips on how to make time for writing when you work a full-time job.

1. Choose Micro-Moments

Research from the University of Southern California suggests that short bursts of creative activity can be more effective than prolonged sessions. It’s important to understand that creativity doesn’t always require a big chunk of time. Make the most of those 15-minute breaks or your commute, coffee break, or moments between meetings to journal, jot down ideas, snippets, or reflections. Small, consistent efforts add up, giving you a sense of accomplishment and more easily-accessible connection to your creative self.

2. Rituals Over Routines

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a Sagittarius, or perhaps just a hangover from working in a corporate environment, but either way – I’m incredibly resistant to strict routines. That’s why I love the concept of rituals.

A study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that rituals enhance the subjective value of an experience, making it more meaningful. Create personalised writing rituals that serve as transition markers from your working day to your creative life. Whether it’s playing a specific playlist, lighting a scented candle, or your favourite hot drink, these rituals signal to your brain that it’s time to shift into creative mode, making the transition smoother and more enjoyable.

Although it might seem inconsequential, psychological studies tell us that subtle environmental cues can trigger specific behaviours. By establishing writing rituals, you’re creating a conducive environment that supports and encourages your writing habit.

Try these rituals:

Light a candle (a specific scent reserved for writing time is even better)
Set some mood lighting
Move to a space separate from where you work (a cafe, the bedroom, the kitchen table)
Play your favourite motivtional song (I love Motivation by Normani)
Set the tone with ambient sounds

3. Action breeds inspiration

Instead of passively waiting for the muse to strike before you take to the page, commit to writing for just five minutes. Yep, just five! I find the act of simply starting initiates a flow that extends beyond the initial timeframe. Research in neuroscience supports this idea that action triggers the brain’s creative centres. Engaging in writing stimulates the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with motivation and pleasure. By taking proactive steps, you not only jumpstart your creative flow but also experience a sense of fulfilment which leads you to write for longer periods of time and get inspired as a result. Action breeds inspiration, turning the creative process into a dynamic force rather than an endless waiting game. Win win!

There’s no doubt that reclaiming your writing time requires a shift in mindset and unconventional strategies. The emotional pain points of juggling work and creative passions are real, but by embracing micro-moments, creating personalised rituals, and reversing the inspiration equation, you CAN prioritise writing and see results.

Above all, I want you to know that your creative pursuits are not a luxury – but a necessity for your well-being. By integrating these strategies, you’ll not only rediscover the joy of writing but also enhance your mental and emotional resilience. Happy writing!

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Why Chaotic First Drafts are the Secret Sauce

Fiona likes to blog — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 13:53:51 +0000

Have I rewritten this headline twenty times? Of course I have. And did I end up going back to the one I wrote the very first time? Hell yes. This is perfectionism and it’s what we do – because we’re writers.

But let me share with you a secret that took me years to learn: your first drafts don’t have to be perfect. In fact, they really shouldn‘t be.

When I started writing my memoir, waaaay back in 2018, I spent a long time on the first three chapters. Instead of pouring all my stories onto the page, I was laser-focused on finding the exact right words and sentence structure that jumped off the page.

By the time I got to chapter ten, I was exhausted. Not only that, but I was on a strict deadline and had to rush everything out towards the end, so I had a complete first draft to show my editor.

When I submitted the scraggly collection of 60k words, the first half was more polished than the second portion. But in their essence, those later, rushed chapters were more truthful than the ones that came before. Why? Because I was in a time crunch so intense that I literally didn’t have the luxury of indulging my perfectionist tendencies.

Since then, I’ve written another two books, hundreds of magazine articles, blog posts and poems and I’ve become more and more comfortable with writing messily in my first drafts.

The perfectionism problem for writers

The thing about perfectionism is that it isn’t really about high standards—it’s about never feeling satisfied with what you’ve accomplished. It’s the fear of the blank page, the pressure of the first word, the dread of the first sentence. It’s the constant comparison to the bestseller you just read, the worry that when people read your writing they’ll think it’s pretentious nonsense.

And what does all this crippling fear lead to?

Unfortunately, it’s stifled creativity and lacklustre ideas. It robs you of your inimitable voice and makes your writing feel forced and inauthentic. You end up writing in a way that you perceive as palatable to others, instead of honouring your unique perspective.

I’m not saying you should write sloppily or publish all your first drafts without spell-checking or editing your work. Editing is an essential part of the process but it requires a different kind of mindset that I don’t believe helps you whatsoever in the earlier phases of creation.

Here’s what I mean when I talk about the drafting phase in contrast to the editing phase:

The first-draft phase

Writing the first draft of anything requires an exploration mindset. You’re opening up your imagination and digging around to see what’s there. If you focus on a specific outcome, or hope that it will land in a certain way, you might miss the potential gems waiting to be found in the process.
Neuroscience tells us that during the creative process, multiple areas of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex and the default mode network, engage in a unique dance, fostering new connections which leads to unusual ideas. This is the fun bit!
Think of it this way: If you saw a kid using a ladle as a microphone, would you tell them that it’s really supposed to be used for holding soup? No. You’d let them have their fun. Allow yourself to play and embrace the chaos of the initial draft.

The editing phase

Editing, on the other hand, is the meticulous art of refinement.
This is where the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, evaluates each and every word and sentence allowing you to shape your creation into the best possible version and crucially, communicating the essence of what you discovered in the first draft phase.
When you’re editing mode, you want to look for inconsistencies and areas to be improved. But when you get into this brain space too early, you silence the wild ideas before they have a chance to reveal themselves.

Reframing writing your first draft

Whether it’s a blog post, article, novel or social media caption – breaking free from perfectionism trap requires a mental shift. Instead of viewing your writing through a lens of judgment, see it as a process of discovery. Ignore the image you have in your head about how the end piece ‘should’ look, and focus on the joy of creation.

Actively revel the messiness and allow yourself to make mistakes. It’s only through this somewhat chaotic process that your unique voice will come to the forefront. And when that inner critic starts whispering in your ear, gently remind yourself: “This is my first draft. It’s not meant to be perfect. It’s meant to be real.”

And look, as someone who’s been down this road, it’s not an overnight transformation. I still need to remind myself daily that messy first drafts are an unavoidable part of the writing process.

Daring to be vulnerable

The books and articles that I remember vividly are the ones that have had an emotional impact on me. Whether that’s bawling my eyes out to a Maggie O’Farrell novel or reflecting on my own behaviours after reading a first-person account of white privilege. When writers bare their words with generosity and honesty, it’s hard not to be affected by them.

A recent turning point for me was realising that my poetry differs quite drastically from the way I present myself socially. After reading out several poems to my classmates on a recent course, I had a conversation with my tutor about the lack of humour in my poetry in comparison to how lighthearted and playful I am in my personality. I reflected a lot on this, and still am. I’m not sure that either voice is better than the other; I just know that my poems represent a facet of my personality that I don’t normally reveal in conversation.

And that’s the magic right there. We, as writers, are multi-faceted humans with so many truths to tell. Don’t be afraid to set them free.

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How to Prioritise Writing & Reclaim Your Festive Season

Fiona likes to blog — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 16:55:18 +0000

Sleigh bells are ringing and it’s driving me crazy. This time of year is SO heavy for me and I know plenty of you feel the same too. The enforced fun. The hectic social life. It feels like you give a lot and rarely make time to do things that you actually want to do.

But instead of resigning myself to a sad season, I’ve decided to refram it as an opportunity to dedicate more time to writing.

Accepting the sadness

Sadness during the festive season is natural, and acknowledging it is something that I think everyone needs to get better at doing. When it gets closer to Christmas Day, I’m haunted by the memories of all the past festive seasons that I spent in the depths of my depression. It’s almost like my body and brain are scared of it happening all over again, so I struggle to access that merry feeling that we’re told we’re supposed to have. I realise now that writing is my tool for emotion processing, and I should lean into that now more than any other time of year.

Choose creativity

Choosing creativity breaks the mould of the “perfect” festive season, making it a time for honouring your needs as a creative. I want us to celebrate our autonomy by choosing to set our own festive tradition of writing a page a day over that tricky time between Christmas and New Year. Writing is your tool to assert your voice and navigate your emotional landscape. When you make a commitment to write, you affirm that your creativity and voice matter. This is hard, but it’s such a bold and empowering statement to make for you and your life!

You’re not the Grinch

The festive stigma of constant merriment can be isolating. It’s OK to resist this pressure. Authenticity is essential to your peace, and there is no “right” way of experiencing the holidays. Your festive narrative is yours to define and writing can help you do that.

TIP: Try writing about the ways you want to make time for yourself over the festive season, or make lists of all the things that will make you feel better when things start to get overwhelming. List all your favourite non-festive movies, and all your non-festive activities that make you happy, and plan dates to make them part of your schedule.

People-pleasing detox

This festive season, I’m challenging you to align your actions with YOUR needs and think about how creativity can be sprinkled throughout your time to give you a boost.

Here are three practical tips to help you put an end to people-pleasing:

Set those boundaries: I know, I know….. establishing boundaries is EXTRA hard over the holidays but it’s crucial in resisting the urge to people-please. It’s okay to say ‘no’ to social gatherings and traditions that drain your energy. For the love of god, protect at least a little but of your time and space from others.
Share your creative goals: Open up to family and friends about your plan to prioritise your writing over the festive season. They may not fully get it, but clear communication may help them respect your choice.`
Take care of yourself: People-pleasing is often a result of not seeing yourself as worthy of care. Make self-care activities, like writing, a non-negotiable part of your daily routine, even during the festive season. Join Write Through Christmas for that extra nudge of accountability.

Gift to yourself

Finances are tight, and you might fall into the category of people who spend tonnes on everyone else and never on themselves. This festive season, gift yourself the joy of writing either on your own or with me as part of Write Through Christmas. You’re not alone in feeling less than merry, I see you and I feel your pain. Your experience of finding the season difficult it valid and deserves authentic expression.

Let’s shatter the pressure to uphold continuous merriment. It’s okay to embrace mixed emotions during the festive season. Use writing to express your authentic feelings and dismantle the merry facades.

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I’ve Been Posting Poetry on a Secret Instagram Account

Fiona likes to blog — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 18:45:55 +0000

I’ve been publishing poetry on a secret Instagram account for a while now.

Partly because I’m embarrassed about how new I am to this art form, partly because I feel like an imposter, but mostly, because the idea of showing you my poems is like showing you my innards and asking you to tell me I am beautiful.

I’ve published books about my personal life, and written about being depressed and anxious for national publications. I’ve been honest about not wanting kids, about my tarot obsession and coming out later in life.

But something about turning my thoughts into lyrical creations feels like an emotional challenge. Perhaps it’s because writing from your gut is more than one hurdle.

There’s the initial discomfort of choosing to dig around in your emotional landscape, uncovering joyful moments that have slipped away and experiencing hard times that you’d rather forget.

Then comes the task of shaping those experiences into something that not only feels truthful and authentic but also performs in a way that touches an audience in the way you intend.

But ultimately, for me, I use writing as a way to feel seen. A way to be visible in a world that wants queer women to be quiet.

The final step may be the most painful part: choosing to share those words with others and knowing that not everyone will like it, understand it or even care.

So why publish poetry at all? Why not just write it in my bedroom and keep it safe in the pages of my journal?

I don’t think this is a bad idea actually. There are hundreds of words in my journals and on my laptop that will never see the light of day.

The advice I always give to my mentoring clients is that you can always post your work anonymously. If you’re worried about a friend or family member reading it, or having your boss see you badmouthing your company, there is absolutely no requirement to attach your name to your work. Use a fake name. Create an anonymous instagram account.

But ultimately, for me, I use writing as a way to feel seen. A way to be visible in a world that wants queer women to be quiet.

For that reason, I knew that publishing my poetry was going to be an important part of my journey as a writer as well as an act of acknowledgement of my own creative spirit. A tangible action to prove that my voice matters.

It’s an act of empowerment to have my poems in a digital space instead of hiding in my notebooks.

Around September 2022, I made an instagram account and started posting little poems that were small enough to fit in a square. I tagged them in Spain (wow, really covering my tracks like a spy here) and told one friend that the page existed, because I knew she would think it was cool.

I shared poems intermittently over the last year and the act of posting those poems online has given me the confidence to take poetry more seriously.

I posted online and the world didn’t crumble. I shared my account with my newsletter subscribers and no one took the piss out of me. I look back on the posts now and again and having them collected in one place makes it feel more real.

It’s an act of empowerment to have my poems in a digital space instead of hiding in my notebooks. Just like I struggle everyday to take up space as a queer woman in a world made for cis heterosexual men.

But I know I can’t hide in the shadows forever. I know I need to, for my own well-being, share those words with you to prove to myself that I am allowed to take up space as a person, never mind as a poet.

So here goes, my Instagram account where I post all my poetry. I’d love for you to follow me to keep up to date with my journey and hopefully get inspired to take creative leaps of your own.

The post I’ve Been Posting Poetry on a Secret Instagram Account appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Breaking Out of Your Writing Niche: A Creative Call to Change Lanes

Fiona likes to blog — Wed, 18 Oct 2023 21:17:54 +0000

When I started sharing my writing on the internet back in 2012, it wasn’t because I’d written anything I was proud of. It was because I had hit rock bottom and had nowhere else to go.

I was too depressed to go to work and too anxious to socialise. My ‘professional working woman’ outer shell, the one I’d spent years creating, had all but disintegrated and I was…. confused.

Writing online was my way of figuring that out and a few years later it turned out rather well. I published two books and was paid to write for magazines. I began to host online writing courses for others, finding satisfaction in pulling others up to where I felt we all deserved to be.

But this time, writing explicitly about the gurglings in my subconscious through personal essays or a memoir hasn’t felt quite right. It hasn’t felt enough.

But over the last few years, amidst coming out as a lesbian and processing a painful divorce, I’ve felt that urge return again. An urge to find myself through writing.

I’ve written a few blogs, regularly written to my newsletter fam (I see you!) but there is something more potent stirring that needs a unique outlet.

Non-fiction has always been my jam.

A true story tugs on my heartstrings everytime, I’m a nosey bugger and I want to know about people’s lives and the stories they survive. But this time, writing explicitly about the gurglings in my subconscious through personal essays or a memoir hasn’t felt quite right. It hasn’t felt enough.

I’m only just finding the courage to really say what is going on in my brain and to shape it into something subjective, something that cannot be bumped up by a clickable headline or polished by a professional editor.

I need a fresh set of paints to create my art.

And I really do mean art, because after writing books as part of the traditional publishing model I feel as though I disregarded myself as an artist completely. I tweaked my words and edited my ideas to make my writing profitable.

Do I regret it? Not necessarily.

It’s a process I had to go through to experience first-hand. I have tangible proof that I can write professionally (which not everyone needs, but I’m insecure so it helps) but now I want to prove to myself that I can write artistically too.

My approach to non-fiction has always been about the internal monologue mixed in with external events. But there aren’t always words that express the wild and unspeakable things that go on in our heads.

So I turned to poetry to figure out what was going on in there with the hope of alchemising it into something that I feel is an artistic representation of who I am.

I’ve been writing poetry for over a year, but more recently something shifted in me. I gave myself permission to really dedicate the time to my craft. To read more poetry, to learn about technique, take part in courses and begin editing and sharing my work.

This is all vulnerable in a way that feels rather dramatic. Who cares if I’m writing poetry? Does anyone care? I have no idea and maybe that’s what I’m finding so unbearably raw. That I’m only just finding the courage to really say what is going on in my brain and to shape it into something subjective, something that cannot be bumped up by a clickable headline or polished by a professional editor. This is all on me now.

I’m writing this because I don’t think enough writers talk about changing lanes. About getting out of a niche they’ve built for themselves and doing the scary thing of trying to break out of it.

Perhaps you’ve told yourself that you could only ever write fiction because your life isn’t interesting enough to be a memoir.

Maybe you’ve stuck to poetry because a novel seems like a mammoth task you’re incapable of completing.

Or perhaps like me, you’ve stuck with the kind of writing that other people said you are good at.

Whatever your writing lane, consider this blog post a flashing green arrow encouraging you to merge into a new one, and allow your inner artist to take the wheel. Read more about my poetry.

The post Breaking Out of Your Writing Niche: A Creative Call to Change Lanes appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Why I Started and Closed my Patreon (even though it made me money)

Fiona likes to blog — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 15:39:59 +0000

Since January 2022, I’ve been using spirituality as an antidote to the pathologizing of the female queer experience.

In a moment of reflection during Christmas break, while sitting in my parents’ house, I allowed myself to confront the truth about my sexual identity. It was a realisation that would ultimately explain the depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and sexual issues that had plagued me for years.

Coming Out & Navigating the Initial Pain

The path to self-discovery was not without its challenges, especially when it came to the initial pain of coming out as a lesbian.

While the full story is too raw for me to share at this moment, I found myself like a kid in a sandbox of possibilities, free to explore life without the constraints of a partner.

This newfound sense of wholeness sparked my curiosity and desire for self-experimentation.

Stepping into Change

As I contemplated the possibilities, my mind raced with both big and small changes I could make.

From moving to the seaside and starting a new career to getting a nose piercing and wearing waistcoats proudly (oh the joy of being a lesbian stereotype!) my journey of self-acceptance was filled with excitement and courage I didn’t know I had.

But there is no discomfort more dangerous than the one that comes from denying your own evolution.

It was a time of both joy and grief for what had come before. Grief for the marriage, for my wasted youth, and for the stability I had in the false life I had chosen to live.

I knew that navigating the post-coming-out bubble would require proactive mental health management. Triggers were everywhere, from wedding photographs to social media posts, and even TV shows we used to watch together.

To cope, I delved deep into self-help practices such as meditation, journaling, yoga, and tarot readings. Astrology, birth charts, and oracle cards became integral parts of my daily routine.

Integrating Authenticity into My Writing

Not everyone understood my choices, and I could see it in the faces of friends and relatives.

But there is no discomfort more dangerous than the one that comes from denying your own evolution.

I will no longer stunt my growth to please others. It it their own denial that comes to the surface when they judge me asserting my freedom to choose. They see in me what they are incapable of giving to themselves.

It limited my authentic expression to a small circle, reinforcing the belief that my whole self was not worthy of acceptance.

This isn’t a dig. Don’t get me wrong, I am angry; but not necessarily at the people who dismiss my choices. I’m angry at myself for tweaking my personality to fit in for so many years.

Integrating my newfound self into my work as a writer and course facilitator was a challenge. I realised that not everyone needed access to every facet of my life, but it felt wrong to compartmentalise my life into things that could and couldn’t be shared online.

I wanted desperately to protect my mental health, but it seemed like hiding parts of myself toed the line between safe and dangerous.

My personal brand, closely linked to my identity, has always played a significant role in my writing career and while it was tempting to keep certain aspects hidden, I believe that sharing the most genuine parts of myself is where my magic as a creative resides.

My Patreon Journey: Pros and Cons

To create a safe space for sharing my spiritual experiences, I started a Patreon.

This allowed me to write candidly about mystical experiences, tarot readings, and all that jazz. It provided regular writing practice and boosted my confidence in tarot. However, it came with guilt for withholding content from some subscribers and the pressure to cater to a small audience.

Why I Closed My Patreon

Running my Patreon was a safe but confining experience. It limited my authentic expression to a small circle, reinforcing the belief that my whole self was not worthy of acceptance.

Ultimately, I closed it to avoid perpetuating the divide between the sellable and the real me.

And while I know that there are people on the internet and in my real life will not accept me, will not see my choices as wise, my beliefs as appropriate …. I refuse to silence myself in order to maintain an outdated self-image for people who aren’t willing to witness my evolution.

It’s time to combine the two and be true to myself in every aspect of life.

Embracing my Full Self

In the end, Patreon brought financial gains, but for my personal circumstances, it raised questions about the cost of authenticity.

While Patreon can provide a private writing space, it demands significant time and effort for profitability. For me, the love of writing lies in self-expression shared with as many people as possible.

Good news: I’m in the process of copying all my Patreon blogs over to this website. Sign up for my newsletter to receive updates.

The post Why I Started and Closed my Patreon (even though it made me money) appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Working with the Moon Cycles as a Creative 🌙

Fiona likes to blog — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 09:00:10 +0000

I’ve been experimenting with following the moon cycles this year and although I’m no expert, I’ve found it interesting to work with these dates instead of a typical calendar month, especially when it comes to journaling and intention setting around my creative practice.

So I thought I’d give you a brief rundown of how the cycles work and how you can integrate actions around the new and full moon to build a life you love.

Find out the exact dates and times of the 2023 moon cycles here.
Each full cycle lasts around a month.
Moonology by Yasmin Boland is a great book.

New Moon

This is the time when the moon isn’t visible from Earth.

So think about it as a clean slate, a time before things have even begun, an invitation to think about what you want to manifest in your life and then you can break it down into smaller intentions or tasks to be completed over the coming cycle.

This could be starting a new project, refreshing one that is feeling a bit stale, connecting with new people or getting out of your comfort zone to take in some inspiration at an event or exhibition. It’s all about new beginnings, so challenge yourself to think outside the box.

Actions:

Tarot spread to connect with your intuition and find out what you really want
Book a reading with a trusted tarot reader
Journaling to explore future and write a list of new moon intentions
Vision boarding

Waxing Cresent, first quarter and gibbous moon phases see the moon become more visible over a period of roughly two weeks, culminating in the full moon.

During this period, stay focused on your creative intentions, journal on them daily, visualise them becoming a reality and make use of the energy that accompanies the time after the new moon.

Journal prompts for the new moon phase:

What aspects of my inner self are currently in the shadows, waiting to be illuminated?
What new creative connections do I want to manifest during this lunar cycle?
What habits, beliefs, or energies no longer serve my creative self?
As a writer, what creative projects or ideas are calling to me at this moment?
How can I nurture and bring them to life during this lunar phase?
What self-care practices will I prioritise during this lunar cycle to nourish my mind, body, and spirit?
What intuitive insights or messages am I receiving at this moment?
What does the moon represent to me, and how can I align with its energy for self-growth?

Full Moon

This is the energetic peak of the cycle, where you may find your energy levels are uncomfortably high.

I personally get a lot of anxious energy around the full moon, normally with headaches and chronic overthinking about how I’ve acted in the weeks previously (fun!)

Don’t be surprised if this leads to a lot of self-doubt in your creative abilities, fear of rejection or lack of energy as things come to a head. Hopefully, you’ll start to see some of your intentions manifest around this time.

This is the time to pause and reflect on what you have or haven’t manifested over the last few weeks. Let go of the past and move on.

Actions:

Tarot spread to focus on what you need to let go of
Journaling to express gratitude for what you have now
Letter to the universe to say thank you and unsent letters of forgiveness for emotions you want to release

During the disseminating, third quarter and balsamic moon period you might find your energy level become more stable and then begin to dip off as it reaches the end of the cycle.

Use this time to relax into where you are now.

Keep working on the intentions you set but let go of anything that isn’t working and continue to put effort into the things that have been successful in the past. Give yourself grace towards the end of the cycle and make time for restorative self-care.

Journal prompts for the full moon

What have I created since the last full moon, and how have these creations changed me?
How has my creative process evolved over the last month?
What blocks need my attention to let creative energy flow?
How have I nurtured my creative spirit this month?
How have I connected with fellow artists or writers this month and how has it fuelled my creative energy?
What insights have my dreams provided recently and how will I use this in my creative work?
Who or what am I ready to forgive and let go of?

Then the cycle begins all over again with the fresh new moon!

Was this helpful? Would you like to see more posts about how to work with the moon?

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