Silence is scary.

Have you ever walked into your kitchen and realised that the fridge isn’t working? That moment when you realise that dull humming sound is completely absent is a creepy one.

I don’t consider myself a particularly observant person (I’ve been known to unwittingly ignore my own family because I’m too busy looking at my own fingernails) but silence is something that gets my attention.

As I write this I’m sitting in my local coffee shop – let’s call it Smarbucks – where activity is always happening.

At the counter a couple of Jenner-Kardashian doppelgängers are ordering their frothy frappes to go, whilst a tired looking barista passive-aggressively bangs old coffee grounds into the nearest compost bin. I can hear the murmur of Mums catching up over a cuppa, kids crying for attention and Dido or Norah Jones or whoever playing her greatest hits over the store radio.

But all of this combined doesn’t seem ‘loud’ to me. It’s background noise, a comforting distraction which makes me feel part of a busy little environment where I blend in without too much fuss.

True silence on the other hand, doesn’t feel quite so comfortable.

When I go sleep at night I put my headphones in and listen to music. Whilst I do my make up in the morning I watch my favourite You Tube personalities. As I walk to work I listen to an audio book or a podcast, because I just can’t seem to enjoy peace and quiet.

 

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I’m well aware though as someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, that I need to address this problem. I’m almost certain I’m keeping my eyes and ears distracted as a way to stop my brain from addressing any negative emotions which are bubbling underneath the surface.

I’ve tried meditating, yoga and mindfulness and although I do think all these things work, I’m personally at a stage where I need to take a few baby steps first. So when I came across this focus journal called Five Minutes in the Morning, I thought it was worth giving a try.

I’ve been making time most mornings to sit down with a hot cuppa in my favourite mug (the bigger the better) and make my way through the journal, which is essentially a set of daily prompts to encourage you to write.

I think it’s important to point out that you don’t have to be an eloquent writer to use this journal, in fact, you don’t even need to be a good writer. It’s not necessarily the writing which is important but the time spent focusing on the task at hand.

I find it difficult to sit and be ‘mindful’, wistfully staring into space for five minutes when all I can think about is how much I want to check my phone. My thoughts wander and that’s only natural.

Setting aside this time to write actually forces me to focus on something in particular, helps to start the day on a positive note and gives me space to think clearly before the daily routine takes over.

So what’s in the journal?

Most of the short exercises use writing to explore the theme of focus, whilst some simply require your attention, something which is a great task in its own right.

Some days you will practise clearing out clutter, worries, fears and doubts. Some pages encourage you to explore what really matters to you and how to put those things back at the top your to-do list. There is also a section dedicated to developing your attitude of abundance – celebrating what is good in your life and inviting more of what you wish for.

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In a world where we’re constantly striving to be happier, get more done and be more efficient in every aspect of our lives, sometimes we need to stop for five minutes and take stock.

In particular I liked the final set of exercises which help to supercharge your levels of productivity and reach those goals, not always by doing more, but often by choosing how to do less. Doing LESS! That’s something I definitely need to take more seriously.

The thing I love most about this journal is that you can write directly on the pages. The book is small enough to fit in your handbag or bedside table, the paper is matt which is satisfying to write on and pale blue colour scheme is the instant wash of calm which I need every morning.

 

Above all Five Minutes in the Morning is a creative and emotional outlet, not an essay to be graded. It’s about writing for yourself and to yourself, maybe talking about what you’ve achieved or what your good qualities are.

One morning I wrote that I was feeling tired, drained unmotivated, and just wanted to stay home and eat junk food. I was having a day where I basically wanted to self-sabotage. I wanted to curl up under the sheets and ignore the world and binge eat to feel better. I know myself that this behaviour only heads to guilt, shame and ultimately even more negative feelings and as soon as I wrote that out in the journal I knew I wouldn’t go ahead with those bad habits.

Seeing my feelings down in black and white actually helped me separate myself from them, almost like dumping them on the page helped me let go of them altogether. I think that’s pretty powerful, don’t you?

Head over to my Instagram where I’m giving away a copy of Five Minutes in the Morning to one lucky follower!

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1. Blogging community

In Glasgow I wasn’t talking blogging seriously. There may be a blogging community back home that I just wasn’t aware of, but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing compared to what I’ve experienced down here. When I took to Twitter I found a Brum Bloggers Facebook Group, a regular Social Media Cafe Event and a weekly Brum Hour that lets local businesses meet up online.

2. Restaurants galore

I’ve not tried out nearly as many restaurants as I would like, but I’ve made a good attempt. Sunday lunch in The Fighting Cocks in Moseley is one of the best ways to see out the weekend, and I recently had some great grub in Cherry Reds. Other places I’ve enjoyed visiting include The Stable and The Cosy Club.

3. Change is good

I knew when I left Glasgow that I was so ready for a change. Although I’ve city-hopped I still feel like there’s been a substantial change in my mindset. There’s something freeing about feeling lost in the crowd of a brand new city, where no one knows you and you can be whoever you want to be. This has really shown in my newfound body acceptance and change in hair colour!

4. Career goals

I was lucky enough to find a part-time job within the first few weeks of arriving in Brum, after an initial panic of thinking no one would hire me! Although I’m more focused on improving my blogging income I’ve also had an interview for a writing job that I would never have been able to commute to if I’d lived in Scotland. There are just so many more opportunities for people with big career goals.

5. Friendly people

My social anxiety was a big concern when I moved so far away from home. I was under so much stress after recently losing my job as well as relocating our entire life in 30 days that I was sure my anxiety was going to be particularly bad. However after meeting some lovely bloggers (Bryoney, Erica, Claire, Emma, Elizabeth and Sinead) I felt so welcomed and at home.

6. The shopping is good

When I first visited the Bullring I couldn’t believe how many brands were on offer. Even six months later, I still get lost and have to visit the information point for help. I always forget where I am and have to stop for emergency coffee breaks; luckily there’s no shortage of chain and independent cafes in Brum!

7. Christmas Markets

The German Markets that set up shop in Birmingham every Christmas attract millions of visitor, which I thought would be pretty terrifying to witness. We ended up joining the crowds every weekend in December and even took a brave turn on the big wheel. The atmosphere was certainly exciting, and it gave the already busy city even more to offer tourists.

8. It’s full of creative people

Blogging has led me to lots of like-minded people in Birmingham. I’ve met lots of people who are successfully pursuing their passions in the creative industries and just as many who are happy to do it in evenings and weekends as a hobby. One of the best things is that I’ve found a local WordPress trainer who has helped me polish up my tech skills in order for me to redesign my blog.

9. Canals

People are always telling me that Birmingham as more canals than Venice. While admittedly it doesn’t have quite the same amount of sunshine, it definitely has its fair share of canals. I’m lucky enough to live just a minute away from Brindley Place where I can walk along the short canal walk to the Mailbox. It’s a great scenic trot into town!

10. Close to London

Although we haven’t ventured to London yet, it’s kind of exciting to know we’re just an hour or so away from the capital city. I wouldn’t normally be able to attend blogging events or training days in London, but now that scenario is totally do-able; an enticing thought as I broaden my horizon and explore more creative ventures.

What’s your favourite thing about the city you live in?

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I couldn’t think of anything quite as beautiful as that because my most coveted gift is something incredibly materialistic and expensive. Don’t judge me. My MacBook Air is by far the best gift I’ve ever received.

My husband treated me to this just before Christmas after I started to become a bit obsessed with blogging everyday. It means I can do freelance work as the drop of a hat and also do my own writing, photo editing and blog images on the go wherever I am.

It comes with me everywhere

I long for the extended train journey back to Scotland where I can take out my laptop and get stuck into some writing. I often take it to work with me so that I can stop off at a cafe on the way home and do some work. It also means I can do work when I’m visiting in Scotland and really utilise any spare time I have.

It’s so fast

I’ve never had a laptop – or any device really – that turns on with the push of a button. Like, INSTANTLY. It means I can do those little five-minute blog related admin tasks like scheduling tweets, updating links or correcting spelling mistakes without needing an additional ten minutes to load up the computer.

It makes blogging easier

The portability and speed of my laptop are two of the main reasons that blogging has become so easy for me. I can also access all the photos on my phone, use the free software – like Pages – without having to purchase Microsoft Word and use iMovie to edit when I start creating video content. I’ve not always been an Apple fangirl but I must say, I’m absolutely obsessed!

Would it be exaggerating to say that this one gift has changed my life?

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I won’t talk about my husband today as he got an entire blog post dedicated to him last week, instead I want to talk about my close family. I come from a small family. It’s just my parents and my two brothers and I. We are a quiet bunch of folks and we get on pretty well.

Here are a few specific things I’m grateful for and why:

My parents always encouraged extra-curricular activities. My younger brother Colin played football and my older brother Stuart has been a drummer in a band since he was a teenager. I was in a drama club, played piano and loved drawing and writing as a kid. We were always expected to try our best in school, but as long as we could promise mum and dad that we ‘tried our best’ we were never judged for our grades. This helped build our social skills and let us express ourselves creatively in a way which has made us who we are today.

We’ve all done stupid stuff. Thank god that we’ve stuck by each other through it all. No one holds a grudge in my family and we all remember the good – and embarrassing – times more than anything else. When we get together we generally have a laugh about stupid shit we’ve done and enjoy it. There’s no judgement.

We live apart but it’s not too bad. One of my brothers now lives in Australia, and although it’s hard not to see him at family events I’m grateful that he’s found a partner and settled down in an exciting new place. I’ve moved away from Scotland too (only to Birmingham, so not quite so far) and I’m grateful that my parents still make the effort to come and visit me as much as possible. I’m also grateful that they forgive me when I get busy and forget to call them for a few weeks. I need to work on that one!

Above all, I’m grateful for the unconditional love I receive from all of my family members. As someone with depression and anxiety it’s easy for me to feel like I’ve become a burden to others when I’m going through a particularly bad period. I know I have family I can rely on and I can ask them for anything. That’s what I’m most grateful for.

The post Why I’m grateful for my family appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

I’m getting better at it thanks to the odd yoga class and learning to put down my phone once in a while but of course, it’s all rather difficult.

Learning to count your blessings is difficult when you have depression. I feel empathy for complete strangers and bruise easily about causes which I don’t necessarily relate to my own life. I can feel heartbroken thinking about something I did year ago, and that inconsolable dread that accompanies my condition is sometimes hard to shake.

I’m slowly getting better though, and felt inspired when I stumbled across this post on Gurl.com and liked the idea of following the 52 weeks of gratitude challenge. Over the next year I’m aiming to write a short blog post each topic on a weekly basis as a way to document my journey of learning to be more grateful. Here’s the topic list in full if you want to join me….

If you don’t blog then I think this is still a great tool to give you a writing prompt every week to reflect in your personal journal, or even just spend a few minutes peacefully reflecting on what you’re grateful for.

What do you think?

The post Why I’m making 2017 the year of gratitude appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Sometimes I worry about money, my health, how I treat my friends and how often I see my family. Other times I wonder if my life has been memorable. Have done enough good in the world? Then I think about the toilet paper again. So naturally, I need to find ways to calm the chattering voices in my mind, to find some serenity in the madness. Here’s how I do it…

Write a list 

Writing lists is a really straightforward way of offloading thoughts from my mind onto paper. I have an app, diary, journal and a notepad all on rotation depending on where I am and what kind of notes I need to take. I use Google Keep on my mobile to collect all different types of list from a basic ‘to-do’ to blog post ideas, useful websites, research to do, meal ideas and personal mantras.

In my diary I can create bullet point lists for more pressing tasks and assign them to specific days which really helps me relax, because even though I haven’t taken care of ‘the thing’, said thing is now part of my grand plan so it will get done. My notepad is for more elaborate lists, or expanding on ideas and I often use mind mapping (I know, I’m a total geek but I’m cool with it) to come up with ideas for my blog.

My journal is reserved for those times when I have a barrage of negative thoughts filling up in my mind. Like an overstuffed suitcase I need to take out the excess and discard it somewhere safe. In my journal I write completely honestly, knowing that no one will ever read it, and I often start without an idea of what I actually want to say. This can lead me down a rabbit hole, but a cathartic one nonetheless, that ideally ends in some sort of resolution or at least identification of a problem that can be worked on in the future.

Turn off your phone

It might sound obvious but how many times do you actually sit and relax without your phone nearby? I often find myself in the middle of something important, like writing this blog post, only to hear that familiar ‘bing’ that instantly lures my attention away to whatever is happening on social media.

Is losing my train of thought really worth it to find out that someone liked my latest Instagram post? Probably not. If I’m feeling overwhelmed it can be really good for me to pull a curtain over the world of the internet and just be in my own space for a while. It allows me to really focus on one task at a time – surprisingly difficult for me –  without that niggling feeling that I might be needed elsewhere.

Exercise/yoga

It’s no secret that exercise is my number one form of stress relief. I get cranky when I haven’t worked out for a few days and I feel instantly renewed when I finally do hit the gym, take a class or even just enjoy a long walk in the fresh air.

Not everyone thinks of high intensity exercise as a way to relax, but for me it’s like the fitness equivalent of ‘giving myself a shake’, realising that things aren’t as impossible as they seem and it can put pointless worries into perspective. Doing demanding moves like burpees and tuck jumps is a way of getting out of my own head.

For an introvert like me it’s also a great way to socialise with others indirectly without too much anxiety. Since moving to a new gym I’ve also been doing yoga regularly and I can really see the benefits. Physically it’s an invaluable tool for relaxing muscles that you didn’t even realise were tense, and mentally it’s perfect for forcing those racing thoughts elsewhere whilst you focus on breathing and holding challenging poses. Although most classes last an hour, apps like Down Dog offer short sessions that can be done at home and act as an instant way to clear your head.

What are your tips for decluttering your mind?

The post How to declutter your mind in 30 minutes  appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Strength & flexibility 

Let’s talk about the physical benefits of yoga before I start to explain how much it has improved my mental state. My favourite thing to do in the gym is lift weights. I love the process, the sense of achievement and the feeling of power that comes with picking up heavy shit.

The problem for me is that I do it for a hobby, and as a result have obtained a few niggling injuries that could be helped if I had better core strength and general flexibility. I know what you’re thinking – yoga is easy, it’s just stretching! But trust me, when you wake up 24 hours after your first yoga class you’ll know for sure that it does effectively work your muscles!

Yes, you’re only using your own bodyweight for resistance but the positions and the time held in those positions is a real test for even the most confident weight-lifter. Flexibility is something I have never had, but I’m assured it’s an ability I can refine with practice and a little time. Combined with some weight-training I’m still maintaining muscle but with a focus on functional strength.

Self-improvement

I have been a fitness freak for several years now, starting off with a cheeky Zumba class and quickly progressing to what others would deem unpleasant adventures like spinning, HIIT, weight-lifting and half-marathon training.

The thing I quickly realised was that I loved the idea of trying something new and getting better at it over time. Unfortunately in my preferred area of expertise this often led to burn out, injuries and mental torture (e.g. running. I’m talking about the repetitive, lonely, painful torture of running).

With yoga however, the scope for self-improvement seems wide and pretty welcoming. It’s not a case of doing more burpees than the person next to you, but more a case of pushing yourself a little further mentally and physically than you thought you could previously. The journey is ongoing and for me 100% internal which is a refreshing change of pace.

Motivation

There seems to be a common misconception that yoga is some sort of sleep-educing witchcraft designed to send you dosing off into the best forty-winks of your life. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times in the final moments of an hour long session where I’ve been lying flat on my mat, stretched out and could’ve quite happily lay there until the gym manager peeled me off the floor at closing time.

But the general feeling at the end of a class is that of satisfaction, and for me a newfound motivation that filters through to other areas of my life.  Whether I held every pose correctly or long enough is irrelevant, because for that short period of time I concentrated on only one thing and that was my attempt at doing yoga.

The ability to declutter the mind and work only on the physical task at hand is so beneficial, that I guarantee over time your stress levels will decrease, your daily focus will sharpen and your general motivation will improve. I find my motivation is at its peak just after I have practised, so I try to do classes early in the morning to get the most out of my day.

Do you practise yoga regularly, or are you tempted now?

The post Three reasons why you need to have yoga in your life appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

I’ve been considering writing a post which is a bit more personal for a while, but I wasn’t sure what to talk about. As a health and fitness blogger I assume that everyone is vaguely interested in my food pictures and workout schedule, but who is really bothered about my personal life, or my thoughts in general?

Be that as it may, I am typing up this up even if its just some sort of therapy for myself. I wanted to talk about the importance of being selfish, and how I have slowly learned to do this in my own life over the past two or three years. I came out of university to a great management job and I worked long hours, I was a ‘people-pleaser’ and moved up in rank because I always aimed to impress the boss. I thought it was pretty easy and I often wondered why everyone didn’t see the simple equation of work hard, do what the boss wants and get rewarded. Over time this got harder, especially when the recession hit and targets became more unattainable and customers stopped spending money in my industry. I moved onto work with other companies and continued to climb from the bottom of the pile up to the top controlling multiple departments and doing three people’s jobs simultaneously. It was a wonderful step up in my career and it absolutely came from saying “Yes, I’ll do that” at every opportunity.

The problem with saying yes all the time is that after a while, it becomes almost impossible to say anything else.On one hand I became the positive leader that I had always hoped I would; I genuinely motivated my staff to work hard, be happy and get results. On the other hand I constantly juggled the wants of my overworked employees, several bosses, interfering department heads and customers, all of whom had different expectations and priorities which I had to try and meet somehow without disappointing anyone. Everyone goes through stressful times at work, but I look back now and realise that I was unable to say no to anyone. I was always taught to have a ‘can do’ attitude, in fact I think I even have it written on my CV as a skill! Without making this into a negative post, you get the gist of the situation – I was very busy, and basically spinning plates for a living.

I took some time off. I have a different job now and I am hoping to change career to work in the fitness industry. I’m sure many fitness instructors and personal trainers will be reading this shaking their heads and saying that I still need a ‘can do’ attitude to get anywhere fast. I guess my realization is that I will still get there – wherever that is – but there is no rush. I don’t need to be better than everyone else, clocking in early, working from home, picking up every extra shift or training opportunity that comes along. If I can find the time to do a little extra then I absolutely will, but not if it affects my sanity or the chance to spend time with the people that matter. The people who have helped me regain my confidence after shying away from life for a while deserve to see me at my best from now on and I’m still learning how to do that.

People will ask me to do things and if I’m not comfortable doing it I will say no. Sometimes I will explain myself, sometimes they will know me well enough to understand, and sometimes I just don’t feel I need to give a reason. I’m in a position where I need to feel calm, relaxed and in control of a situation to stay healthy and if saying no will make that happen that’s what I have to do. I’m not saying its easy, but it does come with a sense of relief and freedom which can feel very positive. I know that we have to do things that scare us to learn in life, and I still continue to do that. I did my Level 2 Gym Instructor training even though I knew it would be challenging in many different ways and I went on holiday to Cannes and put myself in stressful situations which I couldn’t have done 6 months ago. I pick and choose my battles now and at the moment I only do scary things which have the potential to have an amazing outcome.

If you’re struggling to fit in time to relax, see family or even just get a good night’s sleep then I urge you to try and be selfish sometimes. Explain this to your close friends and family, and warn them that you might have to cancel plans or don’t answer your phone after a certain time at night. Tell your workmates that you can’t help out right now but that you’ll be back on track and ready to muck in soon. No one expects you to be indestructible, and they’re all too busy with there own stuff to notice if you’re snowed under. They just assume that when you can’t do anymore you’ll say ‘too much’ and slow down. So be you’re own stop sign and be selfish.

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