“How’s your apocalypse going?”

That’s something I heard Phoebe Bridgers say during the early months of the pandemic and it’s continued to ring in my ears ever since.

Because greeting each other with humour during trying times is a coping mechanism I simply refuse to give up. When you’re exhausted and life seems hopeless, allowing yourself to laugh seems wrong… but sometimes it’s all you have.

via GIPHY

I don’t want to talk about humour today, but I do want to talk about writing as a tool during a crisis. And I use that word because our world is in a crisis.

State of affairs

Here in the UK, we’ve been warned we’re living in a pre-war era. Locally, services for young people, women and the most vulnerable are being cut. Rates of mental illness are increasing across the board and access to support is limited, whilst cost of living increases.

News of violence, injustice, illness, and catastrophe bombard us 24/7 and for those already facing struggles with poverty, racism, mental illness or other challenges, this constant stream of negativity can feel utterly overwhelming.

Finding the motivation to do anything, let alone write, can feel impossible.

Writing through a crisis

Yet studies show that writing can be a powerful coping tool during times of crisis. The act of putting thoughts and emotions into words, especially in a private journal, has been found to reduce stress, depression, and anxiety. Writing helps make sense of chaos, gain perspective, and release pent-up feelings. It can be an emotional and mental lifeline when all seems lost.

Here are 3 tips to help you write during difficult times:

1. Start small

Just write one sentence or paragraph about how you feel right now. Don’t worry about structure, grammar, etc. The act itself is what matters.

2. Write by hand

Computers and phones are likely to lead to distractions, such as news feeds and emails. Write in a real paper journal or notebook. The tactile process can be soothing in itself, giving you a physical marker of your progress.

3. Make it private

We pressure ourselves to write a blog post or a clever tweet too often. Write for yourself, in private, as a way to hear your own thoughts. There’s no need to ever share it.

Acknowledge the vulnerability of writing

Writing requires courage during crisis, and it can help to admit that.

AndI think we know this, we know that writing means opening the floodgates to deep pain, confusion, anger and grief.  But facing that tough stuff in your writing offers long-term mental health benefits. The insights gained lead to post-traumatic growth and a sort of order to the chaos, helping you process events and regain a sense of control.

If you’re facing a crisis, know that you have an powerful tool within you already – your ability to express yourself through words.

CHOOSE TO WRITE.

I’m always preaching that everyone should take 30 minutes a day to do what they love. Find what makes you happy and make time for it every day, and that’s your self care routine taken care of. Easy.

But as I sit here peddling aimlessly on a squeaky bike at my local gym, hurriedly typing this blog post into the notes app on my phone, I can’t help but question whether I’ve taken a wrong turn down the self care path.

Like every other female blogger I’m obsessed with Emma Gannon and all that she stands for (the specs, the boots, the quiet yet ever present confidence) so I’ve been listening to her podcasts regularly.

She recently appeared on the BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour where she and the other guests discussed work life balance; something which I always need advice on.

The phrase “restorative space” came up and to be honest I’ve never heard of it before. If self-care was the phrase of 2017 then I think I might have just found the next big thing for wellness gurus everywhere.

If you search “restorative space” online you’ll find that it’s actually a term used in dentistry – clearly the Deliciously Ellas of the world haven’t caught on yet – so I have defined this new phrase on my own.

From listening to Emma, Ash, Zeena and Rosie talk I got the impression they were using it as a way to describe activities which help give us an energy boost. A way to refuel the tank, if you will.

I found this quote about such activities which I thought summed up my thoughts nicely;

“Some of the psychological benefits of leisure might include, but are not limited to, increases in self-actualization, self-identity, self-esteem, or self-concept; personal enjoyment and growth; reduction of anxiety and depression; enhanced feelings of spirituality; and improvements in overall psychological well-being” (Human Kinetics)

But this idea of restorative space got me thinking. How is different from self-care, and how can women find this ‘space’?

During this gym session alone I’ve listened to a podcast, started writing a blog post and answered two emails not to mention several Tweets. Is this kind of multi-tasking negating the effectiveness of my previously successful self-care workout slot?

It definitely is.

So maybe I should forget my self-care plan – which tends to be a reactive solution to my mental health problems – and instead focus on a proactive solution?

Does is deserve it’s own time slot?

Finding time to recharge my batteries is a tricky business. I’ve been honing my self-care skills for months now, slowly adding activities to my repertoire and pulling them out of a bag Mary Poppins style, but it’s a struggle.

I’m so easily distracted. I just had to stop typing this to read a Facebook message which can best be described as an animated chain letter, and now I’m on Pinterest planning dinner. Where was I?

So maybe I need to reframe my idea of self-care from a single activity to an actual time slot. I think reserving a 30 minute segment in my day where I turn off all electronic devices is a great start, even if I don’t have a ‘self-care activity’ planned.

Surely being disconnected from technology and having some quiet time is a step in the right direction?

Is it a physical area?

I’m always throwing self-care activities into the mix without actually being present to enjoy the benefits. I’ll treat myself to a morning coffee, only to reach for the final sip and realise I finished the damn thing an hour ago and have been scrolling on my phone mindlessly ever since.

I’ve lost an hour of my time which I specifically took out of my working schedule and haven’t even managed to enjoy a simple coffee break without distraction.

As women, we constantly do this. We take 15 minute bath masqueraded as ‘me time’ when it’s actually a daily requirement to wash oneself. We say we ‘love to cook’, when really we have to cook to feed the family, and guilt is stopping us from serving pizza for the third night in a row. We get an early night to recharge, only to get up early to catch up on housework and emails.

We are too busy trying to be efficient workers, mums or wives and have started to see the bottom of the laundry basket as a sign of self-development. When will we start doing things truly for ourselves once in a while?

Maybe a restorative space can help us? Is it a real place? The spa? The park? The back garden on a fresh, sunny morning where just five minutes of silence and a few deep breaths can act as the antidote to an overactive mind? Wherever it is, I want to be there.

via GIPHY

The self-care movement has been hijacked

If I see one more list of self-care activities on Pinterest, I’ll spontaneously combust.

The whole idea of self-care is actually a very boring one as explained by artist Hannah Daisy. She created a popular series of drawings around the hashtag #boringselfcare and feels that the sentiment of self-care has been wrongly re-appropriated by people on social media. In this blog post she explains;

“Self care seems to mean, on the internet anyway, activities you only engage in as a luxury, like the classic; fancy bath bombs or buying fancy crystals. Often activities which cost money, are only nice things or only available for able bodied people.

For me I think even the way ‘self care’ term is used, it insinuates you have to do it yourself, shaming an alienating those who need actual people and carers to do it for them (for what ever reason, physical, emotional and/or neuro diversity etc.)

This is not my understanding as a mental health professional at all. Self care refers to all the activities we need to do day to day and the ‘self’ bit doesn’t mean you have to do it yourself.”

Self-care is more that just a list of activities which we get to pick and choose from to make ourselves feel extra special. It’s actually the day-to-day things that are often essential to survival, like taking our medication or noticing our stress triggers.

I’ve been guilty of using the term self-care frivolously and I’m well aware that the media has grabbed hold of it too. I love this article by Ellen Scott where she says “Stop using self-care to try to sell me sh*t”.

How often have you read an Instagram post with #selfcare and #ad in the same caption? It says it all really.

Well today, I’m giving self-care the elbow and proclaiming it a new age. The age where a mentally unstable women like myself needs to rebrand her leisure time (stay with me) and coin and new phrase. This is the age of the restorative space and I’m stepping into it.

I will be restored!

I spend a lot of time scrolling. Instagram is where I mentally tune out, and instead mindlessly absorb visual data with varying rates of success.

I drool over vegan milkshakes which overflow sensually from bubbling mason jars, and peer curiously into the homes of people I’ll never meet. But when I found this illustration of two nimble little fingers tentatively checking for a pulse I had to click through and see where exactly they were born.

It was only then I learned about The Feels Club. I consumed every image and went full ham on a ‘liking’ marathon, completing my record-breaking sesh with a fangirl email to the account owner Chloe to ask for more details. Here’s what I discovered.

Who are ya?
Chloe Webb, aged 24 based in Central Coast NSW, Australia.

Did you always knew you wanted to be an artist?
It’s all still very new for me and I’m still constantly learning how to navigate the process of being an artist. Even just adjusting to the term “artist” itself is an ongoing process. And I think that has a lot to do with the fact that art was never something I ever saw myself pursuing, it was just this quiet thing I did when I was alone. Up until the point where it spoke to me so loudly, I could no longer ignore it.

As cliche as it sounds, art and being an artist was something that found me. It began to speak to me a whole lot louder in 2015 when I had been going through a pretty turbulent time with my mental health. In 2016 I became acutely aware that I wasn’t the only one going through the motions of mental illness and it shook me. Suddenly I saw the ugly, abrupt and heartbreaking veracity of depression’s toll first hand.

Everything spoke louder then. And it shook me, wide awake. I found myself taking pen to paper more than ever and I just knew I had to try to use my art for good. To let people know that it is entirely OK not always be entirely OK.

What is “The Feels Club” and what does it mean to you?

The name The Feels Club was my way of maintaining the purpose and honesty of the story behind it, but kind of making it a little more gentle and soft. I’ve always been cautious of the language of mental health and how it’s labelled, and I guess that’s just part of my own personal coping mechanism.

But also I find in doing so I can dis-empower the terms and turn it to something a little lighter and brighter, something that unites people. And speaking about it now wholeheartedly what The Feels Club is about. And the fact people can connect with it, that means everything me.

In your bio you describe yourself as ‘scribbling through the feels’. What’s the relationship like between your creativity and mental health?

I often describe depression and anxiety as being my invisible enormities. When I fall into a low and it happens, art and living creatively is how I pick myself back up again, because when I allow myself to take up the space between an inky pen and paper, I know for certain that there are bigger enormities inside of me, enormities that are so much bigger than anxiety and so much brighter than depression.

Do you find it hard to open up and be vulnerable in your artwork?

Absolutely. But I’ll always push myself to do it. Because there is an ugly stigma that exists around mental health and it must be dissolved.
Everyday at least 6 Australians take their own lives and 30 Australians attempt. Suicide is the leading cause of death for young people aged between 15-25… this is an issue too big to continue sweeping under the rug, because quite frankly we’ve ran out of rugs big enough.

Lots of my readers suffer from mental illness and are looking for tips on how to manage their symptoms. Do you have any advice?
I know all too well how absurd these next words will appear, but JOURNAL. Write it all down. My eyes basically rolled so far back in my head that I saw stars when I this was first suggested to me.

But with some hesitation I gave it go and I never looked back. The thing is with mental illness, the most common thing the people will say is “I’m here if you ever need to talk” and don’t get me wrong I’ll never take for granted the beauty of that offer. But more often than not, when you’re in the baffling thick of the big sad (another term I’ve found to dis-empower the beast) chances are you’re already feeling heavy and speaking that weight can sometimes be a gnawing mission within itself .

That’s where journaling made all the difference for me. Not only did it let me get it all out but it also allowed me to move past that guilty feeling when trying to actually talk about my feelings with actual humans. Writing in a book might feel small, when your feels are so big. But the process and practice of letting yourself let it all out is a huge step.

The best thing that I’ve found through blogging is an online community of like minded people. Have you found a similar support network through your art?

My goodness, yes, more than I ever could have imagined! There are so many extraordinary people out there sharing their stories and journeys. And more importantly they’re listening all the same. It’s such a comforting refresh. It makes me believe that bloody stigma doesn’t stand a chance.

How does social media and working online play into your mental health? Is it hard to disconnect?

I’m so glad you asked this question! It can be, for sure. Especially when I first began The Feels Club. I was feeling so nervous and passionate about doing it ,that I wound up in a feverish rush to make it all happen at once. I’d spend full days online trying to kick things into gear and just be left feeling so drained afterwards because a) Not only had I forgotten to eat but I’d actually forgotten there was an entire outside world. And b) the results were not instant.

These days I operate on a bit of a schedule to allow me some disconnect and so not to disregard my routine. Which has helped me view it differently – I can still be impassioned and driven without neglecting myself and my own self care. And I’m much more patient with just letting it be and letting things happen organically. It’s whole lot nicer that way!

How do you de-stress/unwind?
Apart from art and writing… I’m lucky enough to live on a pretty magnificent piece of coastline, so the ocean is never far. Which is ultimate for me because slipping into the sea whatever the weather and getting all salty is just such a magic cleanse for me.

I also started Yoga last year, which was another thing I initially rolled my eyes at. But now I try to practice 1-2 times a day and while I’m still very much a beginner the results are pretty powerful.

What are you looking forward to for the rest of 2017

Making and releasing new art. Taking the leap of putting my writings and poetry into the world. Returning to the workforce and saving some funds for a bit of travel. Accepting love and giving love a little bigger. Smashing that damn stigma and just flowing with the journey wherever it leads me!

A few weeks ago I booked tickets to a free event at the BBC Academy in Birmingham. The thought of getting to hear my girl crush Emma Gannon chair a panel about social media was exciting enough, but getting to go for free was the icing on the cake.

In the lead up to the event I spoke to some fellow bloggers I’d met online and arranged to meet them beforehand. We swapped information via Facebook and met up on the afternoon of the event and spent the rest of the day together.

Although admittedly we didn’t actually get much time to chat on the day it was still nice to put faces to names that I’ve been speaking to on Twitter for months. All in all, it was a successful day. You might say I sound a normal person in a social situation, certainly nothing to write home about, eh?

I stood there mindlessly peeling carrots for a few minutes before the anxiety induced flight or fight response kicked in big time. I stuffed my feet into my trainers, grabbed my bag and ran out the front door with one arm in my denim jacket. I shouted “sorry” from the bottom of the steps and legged it to the train station.

This was just one of maybe fifty scenarios which ended in a similar fashion. Social situations were simply not on my ‘can do’ list for about five years. So how did I transform myself from a socially anxious shell into a flourishing social butterfly? Here are the basics….

1. Self-reflection

The first step is to stand back and take a look at the current state of affairs. Granted this may be difficult to do as you’re probably knee-deep in your own mental illness, and so self-reflection is something you probably don’t want to do. You might even avoid thinking about all of your negative behaviours because it might be a trigger for a depressive episode. I get it.

This is a learning curve and you can’t start on the self-reflection part until you’re really ready. For me this meant a few months of letting my medication kick in before I could honestly take stock of my own behaviours. As soon I was out of the darkest part of my depression I felt stronger and able to change my ways. It’s hard, so don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you need more time to recover before you start this next stage.

When you’re ready, it’s time to identify your safety behaviours. I recently learnt about these from my friend Kelly’s book Social Anxiety to Social Success. She explains that safety behaviours are things that you do because you think they will help you cope better in a social situation. It makes you feel less anxious at the time but it doesn’t actually help you in the long term.

You need to identify your safety behaviours and figure out how to stop them. From going though Kelly’s book and using the worksheets provided I figured out that my safety behaviours are overeating, avoiding eye contact, chewing my lip, picking the skin around my nails and refusing to talk.

2. Journaling

I frickin’ LOVE journaling. This blog is effectively my diary and I use it as a emotional outlet almost everyday. I find it’s good to start writing without a particular topic in mind as it allows my mind to wander, find what’s bothering me and dig around to unearth the root of what’s going on.

It’s amazing how quickly I can figure out what’s making me anxious once I put pen to paper. You can use journaling as a way to record when your feel anxious, describe your symptoms and what’s worrying you. Sometimes it takes a few days or even weeks before you can look back and connect the dots between life events and anxious feelings.

In Kelly’s book she’s actually put together a great worksheet which helps you create a list of scenarios which make you feel anxious. She then guides you through them helping you figure out which ones to tackle first. There’s no obligation to jump in feet first – quite the opposite actually – and she’s so good at explaining how to carry out all the small steps to take action against social anxiety. It’s made me realise that there are still a few social scenarios that I’ve been avoiding and now I feel equipped to take them on!

3. Exposure therapy

You’ve probably heard of exposure therapy before, but don’t worry it’s not as scary as it sounds. I’ve actually been using it without the help of a professional and had great results. In fact I didn’t ever realise I was doing it, until I did a short CBT course and was taught what exposure therapy entails.

Exposure therapy means doing the thing which makes you anxious. Wait! I promise it’s not torture! Say you were anxious about going to the supermarket. You wouldn’t just walk straight in and try and act calm and collected. You gradually build up your exposure to the situation by taking small steps.

Maybe one week you drive into the car park every day and stay for a minute longer each day. After a week maybe you can walk up to the front door. You repeat that several times until your anxiety decreases. After a while you’ll be able to walk inside, then after that you’ll be able to walk around for a few minutes. Over time you’ll be able to add on steps bit by bit, and ease yourself into the situation over time.

I’ve been implementing exposure therapy myself and using Kelly’s book as a structured guide for some situations which I’ve found particularly difficult. Kelly does the hard work for you by breaking it down into specific examples and helping you create a plan to conquer your fear one step at a time in bite-size chunks.

4. Track your progress

I’ve already mentioned that Kelly’s book has loads of worksheets including a monthly anxiety tracker so this helps you identify any progress you’ve made, highlight any negative thoughts and compare them month by month. You could also do this with a bullet journal or a mood tracker but Kelly’s book is particularly well laid out and super simple to use.

Tracking your progress is important to make sure that you’re continuing to work in baby steps (it’s easy to get carried away once you see you’re headed in the right direction!) and also to see how far you’ve come. This weekend I had to cancel plans because my anxiety was particularly bad, but it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. When I look back at all the progress I’ve made in the last few years I’m so proud of myself, and taking a social rain-check now and again is totally normal and actually a sign that I know my limits.

5. Create a support network

Having someone to talk to about these things has been a major factor in my recovery from social anxiety. It can feel so isolating to only talk to a doctor every few months, and although my friends are caring they just don’t understand social anxiety because they’ve never experienced it themselves. My mates are all really sociable and outgoing, so they can’t comprehend feeling awkward on a night out or struggling with meeting new people.

That’s why having a community online has been a huge help to me. I talk to people on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook everyday and I always respond to emails so feel free to chat to me online! I’m also part of several Facebook groups which provide a private space to talk about depression and anxiety with other people who are going through the exact same issues as I am.

If you haven’t already, talk to your GP about getting on the waiting list to see a counsellor and make sure your friends and family are aware of your situation. Creating a network of lots of people you can reach out to when you’re struggling is key.

So there are my five key steps to managing social anxiety. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s totally do-able especially if you have all the resources and support that I’ve mentioned. Kelly’s book Social Anxiety to Social Success is available to buy online now. You can buy it here (affiliate link)

Mental illness is a huge part of my life – a powerful force at times – and I know many of you are in the same situation. Although I’m comfortable talking about depression and anxiety there are some conditions that I don’t know anything about.

I was recently sent a box of I Can Cards from Amy, the creator of the amazing project which aims to help people feel better about their mental illness through positive affirmations. Since then I’ve got to know Amy, and she’s written this beautiful letter about postnatal depression. I just had to share it with you:

I have had a cloud over me all week, and I have had a complete barrier up getting ready for my son’s birthday. He is a character, very funny, the cutest thing on earth and has a huge heart that I am so proud of.

So why was I refusing to acknowledge this very important milestone of his 2nd birthday? I only realised when I sat down, the night before, to write in his birthday card, that’s when it hit me, I was feeling so guilty. Not the usual Mum guilt, but a disgusting resentful and deep seeded guilt.

I became overwhelmed by the fact that I can’t remember the first 9 months of my son’s life, I had post natal depression, and this completely robbed me of a lot of things, but mostly the first 9 months of my child’s life. Which I know is so precious, people who have lost children, including a close friend, would do anything for these memories, people with fertility issues would cherish those 9 months, and most other humans, but not me, I couldn’t see anything through my fog of PND.

I wanted to wake up my lovely, almost 2 year old, and apologise for the first nine months, for stopping breastfeeding because I couldn’t be bothered, for not taking you out much because I physically couldn’t, for thinking that you were annoying and difficult, for so many things, I am whole heartedly sorry.

I have made a promise to cherish and worship every moment that we have, and to more than make up for those 9 months. I have a deeper gratitude and love for my children because I had PND, because I came out the other side and because I can’t imagine my life without them.

So the guilt turned into this weird epiphany that I’m glad I had PND, I’m glad for this crazy love I have for my children, being brave to leave a failing relationship, starting a social enterprise and business. AND for giving me a fresh start that I look back on and take a deep breath about, and above all reminds me how lucky I am.

My thoughts then turned to Mums going through it now. I’m right with you, it’s a painful journey, but I swear it is so worth it. All these dark thoughts and feelings you have right now, they won’t last, but what you will be left with is a new kick arse approach to life which is here to stay.

Check out Amy’s online store where she sells positive affirmation cards to help sufferers of PND, depression, anxiety and break ups as well as single parents. I’ve been using the depression and anxiety pack for weeks now and it’s had such a positive impact on my day. I actually talk through a card from the box every morning on my Instagram stories and it sets the tone for my day. I love them!

Just a friendly reminder on this gloomy Monday 💪🏻

A post shared by Fionalikestoblog.com (@fionalikestoblog) on Aug 8, 2017 at 1:40am PDT

Make up free days are essential for self-care

I haven’t always been an advocate of the make up-free life. I remember getting a compliment one day at work when I was in my ‘proper’ job. You know, the type of job that your parents are finally happy about. The kind of job that looks good on your CV. The kind of job that has a title and an office, but bears no resemblance to the dreams you had as a kid.The kind of job that gives you a mental breakdown. Or maybe that’s just me.

I was under a lot of pressure on a daily basis. Something that I now know I can’t cope with. On this particular day – the compliment day – I was constantly being pulled between responsibilities. I managed a big catering outlet so on busy days I had to step away from the computer and instead clear tables, supervise staff and do the dishes.

As soon as the lunchtime rush died down I reluctantly got back to my expanding to-do list which should have been completed before 10am that morning. Oops. Then I got a call from the finance department asking me for the end of month figures.

“End of month?” I thought to myself.

I checked my calendar and saw that it was only April 24th, so how could I possibly give her the end of month figures when the month hadn’t even ended yet? Then I realised that she needed the figures for March, not April. I was a month overdue on my paperwork. Oops again.

I stomped upstairs in my awkwardly tight – but flattering – pencil skirt to hand in the requested stats. I slid the the poly pocket onto Kirsty’s desk and tried to escape without too much small talk. She glanced up briefly and murmured “thanks” before doing a double-take. Her eyes widened and she almost jumped up out of her chair to inspect my face.

“Are those false eyelashes?” she asked, with a curious grin on her face.

I laughed and blushed a little, wondering who on earth would have the time or patience to apply false eyelashes at 5am in the morning. “No, I’m wearing the new Benefit mascara” I said, letting her in on the worst-kept beauty secret of the year.

No acceptance speech required

She congratulated me (as though having lengthy eyelashes warranted some sort of Oscar acceptance speech) and vowed to get the mascara herself in time for the weekend. I was so flattered. Getting that confidence boost from another woman made me feel good. So good in fact, that I continued to wear a full face of make up for the next year as my mental health began to crumble in a monumental fashion.

I awoke every morning filled with dread. Ignoring the symptoms of burnout and mental fatigue I insisted on spending 40 minutes applying layers of foundation, painting on a black liquid eyeliner (an anxiety-inducing task at the best of times) and crafting the perfect set of brows.

As I sobbed in the bathroom at work I made sure to wipe away my mascara-tainted tears carefully and do a quick touch up job to cover any signs of distress.

As I look back now I realise the painful truth. I was pretending to be OK and hoping that if I looked ‘put together’ on the outside then maybe no one would notice that I was cracking under the pressure.

Like most people, I wore make up to feel better about myself. I still do. I wear make up when I want to feel sexy, powerful, confident or to express myself creatively. I wear make up to cheer myself up. I wear lipstick to distract from tired eyes and extra mascara to distract from greasy hair. It’s a wonderful thing!

But for me, nothing feels better than reaching for my cleanser at the end of the day and wiping it all off. Washing away the grime and dirt is so soothing, replenishing and helps me feel like ‘me’ again. It reminds me that although I enjoy wearing make up, it’s important to accept myself barefaced too. I’ve learned to love myself ‘au naturale’ in all my imperfect glory.

But going make up-free really that easy?

I know a lot of women can’t fathom leaving the house without any make up on. The thought of going make up-free in the name of self-care doesn’t make sense to them, and I totally get that.

You think you’re skin is too spotty, blotchy and somehow both dry and oily at the same time. It’s not tanned enough and you hate your freckles. You’re eyebrows aren’t symmetrical and bushy like Cara Delevigne’s and your lips need plumping to mimic Kyle Jenner’s.

I know these thoughts probably go through your head everyday, especially after you’ve just lost an hour of your life to Instagram and are now convinced you need a set of arse implants and a 28 day detox plan to be happy.

But what if you worked on taking care of yourself at a more basic level? Forget all the quick-fixes, add ons and lens blurring filters and instead thought about what’s on the inside? What if you worked on showing your physical self some care and attention before you focused on simply covering up, manipulating or correcting your so-called flaws?

Self-care starts on the inside

You need to set the foundations with positive thoughts about yourself. Surround yourself with people who love themselves the way they are. I know you’re not in that frame of mind yet and you think you never will be, but how do you think you got to where you are now?

You’ve unknowingly surrounded yourself with people who constantly criticise their physical appearance and do anything possible to change it. Whether it’s celebrities getting ridiculous surgeries to change their body shape or the health industry selling you the next fat-burning secret to success. You’ve spent years or possibly even decades thinking that you’re body is somehow WRONG. I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

How you correct that way of thinking is by replacing all those voices with ones who preach how you want to feel. Read articles by body positive women. Follow women on Instagram who understand how you feel.

Maybe it’s a fitness instructor who prioritises strength and performance over aesthetics. Maybe it’s Brummy Mummy of 2 who shows the funny side of parenting. Maybe it’s Kenzie Brenna who swears cellulite is normal and should be on show for the world to see. Find your tribe and listen to what they have to say, talk to them and ask questions. These people have nothing but love for you and your body image struggles.

Still feeling lost? Read this post which details three practical ways to encourage a more positive body image.

But back to the make up-free manifesto I got going on here. Make up-free days are an essential part of my self-care plan. I truly believe that revealing your naked face is a major step in accepting the skin you’re in, and that’s what self-care is all about.

I really started to go make up-free a few years ago and it’s all because I started a new skin care regime. I’ll be honest, I didn’t have ANY skincare routine until I was 25 years old. I used to got to sleep in my make-up and scrub it off with soap the next day. SOAP. Aaargh if only I could turn back the clock and save my poor skin from all that torture!

Let me make one thing crystal clear. I’m not saying that you NEED a skincare routine to feel good about going make up-free. Absolutely not.

But sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction, and a routine which forces us to think introspectively about ourselves is a good start. How often do you actually take the time to massage your face, gently remove make-up and really give your skin what it needs to function at it’s best? Here are a few reasons why I think a good skincare routine will help instil that feeling of self-care in your mind;

• You look at your skin everyday
• Your face expresses how you feel
• A skincare routine is quick and easy to implement
• You’ll literally SEE the benefits (point number 1)
• It can give you the confidence to go make up free

My skincare routine is very simple and it’s all focused around my favourite brand Liz Earle. It’s available online and in most Boots stores, it isn’t ridiculously overpriced and they don’t advocate a zillion different pointless products. My simple routine looks like this:

1.Cleanse & Polish
2.Superskin Eyecream
3.Superskin Face Serum
4.Superskin Moisturiser

Optional extras:

Superskin Concentrate for Night
Brightening Treatment Mask
Superskin Super Lip Balm

AND THAT’S IT.

Liz Earle is my favourite because the ingredients are kind on my sensitive skin but still really powerful. I’ve found the Superskin Face Serum in particular has made a huge difference to the texture of my skin, evened out redness and has minimised breakouts. I feel like my skin is way more predictable now that I’ve got a routine in place and I only use masks or treatments when I need a little boost.

I’m a firm believer in small tasks adding up to a big result and this is definitely the case with my skincare routine. My routine takes 5 minutes – unless I’m doing a face mask – and just spending that small amount of time each day has led me to this newfound confidence in my skin.

I can now go make up-free with out feeling worried or self-conscious and that’s been a huge benefit to my mental health. When I’ve lost a night’s sleep due to anxiety I can take it slow the next morning, avoid putting any make up on my tired eyes and go barefaced without feeling crap about myself.

Going make up-free is a statement about my strength. It says I’m happy with my flaws. In fact, I barely even see any flaws when I look in the mirror. I just see me. Going make up-free is the ultimate badge of confidence which is almost as comfortable as wearing your pyjamas to the supermarket. Why wouldn’t you do it?

Thanks to all my barefaced beauties who came calling when I asked them to share a make up-free selfie in honour of this post. Go and check their blogs out below!

Amii’s blog

Tracey’s Twitter

Katt’s blog

Victoria’s blog

Sinead’s You Tube channel

Reanne’s blog

Emma’s blog

Lorna’s blog

Introverts, this one’s for you.

I’m sitting at my desk, home alone, with only the light of my laptop to light the room. Rain eerily taps against the open window and I suddenly realise that I’ve not spoken to anyone in about 12 hours. This might sound like the start of a horror film but for an introvert like me, this is heaven. Sweet, lonely heaven.

I love my husband, family, friends, work colleagues and all the people I’ve met online since I started writing about mental illness but by gosh, do I need my alone time. I mean real alone time, on the regular.

After several years of recoiling from every human interaction, I’ve become quite skilled at the art of pretending to be a ‘people person’. I’ve mastered making polite conversation with strangers, and realised that whilst said stranger talks I should think constantly about what to say next.

Filling in the gaps is essential to avoiding awkward silences and the dreaded ‘weather’ chat. If I have to pull out the weather card then I’ll always punctuate it with a convenient exit to the bathroom to buy me a few minutes of solitude before the next surge of energy is required and more small talk is thrown required.

Inevitably I’ll use the bathroom break excuse one too many times and realise that it’s probably time to exit the vicinity, instead of hiding in the en suite quietly watching You Tube videos or going through the receipts in my purse.

The point is, when you hit your limit as an introvert you just hit it. That’s it. With the pain and immediacy of a gunshot wound it needs urgent medical attention, otherwise the situation will be critical. For many introverts, a creative self-care routine is essential. Here are some ideas…

Baking

I’m no Mary Berry that’s for sure. Baking is an exact science, and as someone who’s prone to tossing in more than one haphazard substitutions I normally give it a miss. Spending hours mixing dry ingredients separately to wet ingredients only to combine them and forget to add something important- like eggs or sugar- is my idea of hell.

It’s a creative outlet for sure, but one which often leaves me feeling more deflated and useless than when I started. Luckily I’ve found the perfect solution which requires no skills whatsoever. Superfood Bakery offer pre-packaged mixes which are all natural, gluten-free and filled with superfoods.

Most recipes require the addition of an egg (I think I can manage to remember that ONE egg, although I’m not making any promises) or a vegan substitute such as one ripe banana. I tried out the Spirit Lifters Cookies last weekend and was pleasantly surprised that I managed to create 18 perfectly formed cookies with little to no effort!

No electric mixer needed and no last minute dash to pick up weird and wonderful ingredients. The best part was the feeling of accomplishment that came from honestly about 10 minutes work. The ultimate lazy girl activity. I got extra creative and made some vegan ice cream sandwiches with some Alpro dairy free vanilla ice cream too.

Scrap-booking

I’m not talking anything elaborate (although maybe you’re more committed to the cause than me) but scrapbooking some of your favourite photographs can be a nice way to remind yourself of happy memories. Practising gratitude is something a lot people advise for introverts with depression, and I find looking through old photos is a nice little nudge in the right direction. It reminds me of how much fun I have with my friends and family and often spurs me on to phone my mum, message a friend or set up a meet up in the future.

Upcycling

Being creative for the sake of creativity is something I’m a huge believer in. You don’t need to paint solely with the aim of creating a picture which will hang on your wall or be sold to a buyer. Paint because you love the feeling of mixing colours, brushing it onto canvas and making something out of nothing.

Upcycling is a way to get creative in a way which just happens to have a functional end result, assuming that you’re any good at it. I know someone who is a dab hand at upholstering chairs, repainting old furniture and even making new things such as wall-mounted shelves out of cabinet drawers. The best I’ve done is to rescue a wooden crate and paint it a nice mint green shade. It’s nothing exciting but I use it to house my recycled bottles and cardboard, and acts as a friendly reminder that I did something productive that day!

When you feel ready – possibly weeks later, no judgement here – you can revisit the list and group them into actions, feelings and worries. Now it’s time to create an action plan. Think logically about how to problem solve the negative feelings, kind of like a very informal CBT session. Prioritise the quick, easy jobs first and then schedule days and times for the rest. My tip would be to overestimate how long each task will take you, and try and tackle at least one job per day.

I’ve gone face-first into into the irresistible cream-cake that is stationery addiction and amassed quite a collection of Kikki.K notebooks. I’m strangely proud of this stockpile and find myself gravitating towards my notebooks when I need a little me time. I’ve even found myself muttering ‘I need my notebooks’ when I’m stressed, in a slightly strange manner.

Dance classes

I’m no Beyonce but when it comes to busting out a few moves at a Zumba class I like to think I’m just as good as anyone else in the room. I’ve genuinely seen some of the most uncoordinated introverts look blissfully at home in amateur dance classes. It’s such a joy to watch. Some of us just NEED a physical release. Dancing is one of those things that you can do around the house or out at the weekend, but in a class you get that wonderful group atmosphere and the camaraderie of people failing and succeeding at different speeds as the teacher set the routine for the group.

Blogging

Although I consider blogging a part-time job it’s also a creative outlet for me. I used to think maybe blogging was a terrible pastime for an awkward little introvert like me. I was certain that I had to override my urge to be alone, but now I realise it’s just the way my brain works. I knew I had anxiety so I tried to force myself to fill up my time with social activities, hoping I could somehow change my personality through force. Now I’ve realised I actually need that alone time to keep me on an even keel the rest of the time.

Blogging is great because you can literally write about whatever you want and publish it instantly There are loads of very niche specific sites out there, so you’ll definitely find other people who are interested in what you have to say! I’ve found blogging is a form of therapy for me, a way to express my feelings and also talk to people online who have similar problems. There is a huge online community of mental health bloggers and I now totally feel part of something, even though it’s something I do alone from my laptop.

Still wondering if blogging is for introverts? Find out more here.

Photography

Think you’re not a good enough photographer to take it up as a hobby? That’s bullshit! Self-care activities from introverts aren’t about being the best at something, or even remotely good for that matter. Trust me, I’m a truly awful photographer! It’s about finding time for yourself and nurturing your creative side with all it’s flaws.

I use my iPhone and find it does just fine for taking basic snaps for Instagram and on the blog. There are loads of good guides out there which help you utilise the camera feature on your iPhone and some very helpful apps which can help you edit too.

Organisation

In the same vein as stationery, organising is one of those hobbies that not everyone will understand. I got you girl, don’t worry. I’m in awe of those who can take the time to painstakingly file every book they own in alphabetical order. I long to have a wardrobe which is arranged by colour, displaying a majestic fabric rainbow every morning when I select my outfit for the day.

The truth is, organising your belongings can give you a great sense of pleasure but it doesn’t have to be on a grand scale. Your whole life does not have to be organised, but if your underwear drawer is neat and tidy then you can feel secretly smug as the rest of your life falls apart. When I have a bad relapse of depression I often shun the daily chores in favour of small tasks which really don’t need tackled, but make me feel better anyway.

You might want to audit your kitchen cupboards and throw out any out of date food, clean the insides and rearrange everything to make things easier to find. You can make a list of everything in your fridge and freezer then create a meal plan for the week in order to use up all the random things you have in there. Matching up odd socks is always a fun task. Joke – that is literally an impossible task which should not be attempted under any circumstances.

Visit musuems

I studied art at school and although I never really immersed myself in the work of others. I’ve always been interested in visiting art galleries. A lot of them are free to visit and have a kick-ass gift shop where you can stock up on comedically huge erasers and crystal jewellery until you heart’s content. That aside, walking around in the eerie silence of an old building filled with historical paintings which have existed for hundreds of years is something that speaks to me deeply.

I’m not great at meditation, but this is a form of mindfulness that I can get on board with. My phone is turned off in my bag, there are minimal distractions and I get to tap into that creative part of my brain for an hour or so in relative peacefulness. End this outing with tea and cake in the cafe (what introvert dreams are made of) and you can consider yourself mentally invigorated and ready to take on the world.

Introverts, you got this

Self-care is not a substitute for medical help, but it’s a key addition to recovery from depression and working towards preventing a relapse. I’ve found being creative and learning to express my feelings is a big part of my self-care routine, and this might look different for every person. Finding a few activities that work for you is a great way to have a back-up plan for when you feel low, or crave alone time after a lot of social activity. Just remember, find something you enjoy and don’t be afraid to fail. It’s all about having fun and getting some creative satisfaction. For more info download my free eBook!

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Podcasting

As a creative introvert with anxiety, I’m forever adding projects to my list of jobs I’d love to do. It’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, but there’s just so much I want to try. Starting a podcast is something that I’ve toyed with for almost a year, but ultimately I don’t think I’ve got the time, technical abilities or the commitment to tackle this one just yet. Watch this space.

I’ve started a You Tube channel and it’s let me talk about mental illness in a new way which doesn’t involve blogging. But back to podcasting. When you’re feeling burnt out, tired, and in need of that recharge time which us introverts thrive on, you might want to consider listening to a podcast. For me it bridges that gap when you want alone time but with a little background noise. A friendly voice can do a lot to make you feel like you’ve been sociable when really you’ve sat at home all day scrolling through Pinterest and convincing yourself you don’t need to shower.

Is listening to podcasts creative though? I find that listening to entrepreneurial talks are really inspiring, and get me thinking about how I can create better content, focus my mind or look at new income streams for my business. Sometimes it will give me new ideas but it might also just confirm that I’m already on the right path, which is a welcome feeling for someone constantly worries they’re a complete failure. I also listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. It might sound weird (I know there are other Murderinos out there, hey, I see you) but I get enthralled in the details about serial killers, religious cults and crimes of passion. I also listen to feminist podcasts, ones about blogging, social media and little Desert Island Discs too. Whatever floats that boat of yours.

Stationery

I know I’m not the only girl introvert who considers buying and using stationery an activity in itself. Concerned? Don’t be. I’ve been using stationery as a form of creative therapy for the past few months and it’s a game-changer. Get your highlighters at the ready gang.

I’ve found most negative feelings can be soothed with a tool known as a Brain Dumping. All you need to do is grab a scrap of paper (I’ll choose my £15 embossed, hardback dream journal but whatevz, no big deal) and dump all of your thoughts down on one page. The beauty of a Brain Dump is that you don’t need to do anything this these thoughts. Just leave ’em. The simple act of dumping them on the page is therapeutic enough that you’ll feel lighter, calmer and more relaxed by getting them off your mental to-do list and recorded on paper.