So I thought I’d give you a brief rundown of how the cycles work and how you can integrate actions around the new and full moon to build a life you love.

• Find out the exact dates and times of the 2023 moon cycles here.
• Each full cycle lasts around a month.
• Moonology by Yasmin Boland is a great book.

New Moon

This is the time when the moon isn’t visible from Earth.

So think about it as a clean slate, a time before things have even begun, an invitation to think about what you want to manifest in your life and then you can break it down into smaller intentions or tasks to be completed over the coming cycle.

This could be starting a new project, refreshing one that is feeling a bit stale, connecting with new people or getting out of your comfort zone to take in some inspiration at an event or exhibition. It’s all about new beginnings, so challenge yourself to think outside the box.

Actions:

• Tarot spread to connect with your intuition and find out what you really want
• Book a reading with a trusted tarot reader
• Journaling to explore future and write a list of new moon intentions
• Vision boarding

Waxing Cresent, first quarter and gibbous moon phases see the moon become more visible over a period of roughly two weeks, culminating in the full moon.

During this period, stay focused on your creative intentions, journal on them daily, visualise them becoming a reality and make use of the energy that accompanies the time after the new moon.

Journal prompts for the new moon phase:

1. What aspects of my inner self are currently in the shadows, waiting to be illuminated?
2. What new creative connections do I want to manifest during this lunar cycle?
3. What habits, beliefs, or energies no longer serve my creative self?
4. As a writer, what creative projects or ideas are calling to me at this moment?
5. How can I nurture and bring them to life during this lunar phase?
6. What self-care practices will I prioritise during this lunar cycle to nourish my mind, body, and spirit?
7. What intuitive insights or messages am I receiving at this moment?
8. What does the moon represent to me, and how can I align with its energy for self-growth?

Full Moon

This is the energetic peak of the cycle, where you may find your energy levels are uncomfortably high.

I personally get a lot of anxious energy around the full moon, normally with headaches and chronic overthinking about how I’ve acted in the weeks previously (fun!)

Don’t be surprised if this leads to a lot of self-doubt in your creative abilities, fear of rejection or lack of energy as things come to a head. Hopefully, you’ll start to see some of your intentions manifest around this time.

This is the time to pause and reflect on what you have or haven’t manifested over the last few weeks. Let go of the past and move on.

Actions:

• Tarot spread to focus on what you need to let go of
• Journaling to express gratitude for what you have now
• Letter to the universe to say thank you and unsent letters of forgiveness for emotions you want to release

During the disseminating, third quarter and balsamic moon period you might find your energy level become more stable and then begin to dip off as it reaches the end of the cycle.

Use this time to relax into where you are now.

Keep working on the intentions you set but let go of anything that isn’t working and continue to put effort into the things that have been successful in the past. Give yourself grace towards the end of the cycle and make time for restorative self-care.

Journal prompts for the full moon

1. What have I created since the last full moon, and how have these creations changed me?
2. How has my creative process evolved over the last month?
3. What blocks need my attention to let creative energy flow?
4. How have I nurtured my creative spirit this month?
5. How have I connected with fellow artists or writers this month and how has it fuelled my creative energy?
6. What insights have my dreams provided recently and how will I use this in my creative work?
7. Who or what am I ready to forgive and let go of?

Then the cycle begins all over again with the fresh new moon!

Was this helpful? Would you like to see more posts about how to work with the moon?

The post Working with the Moon Cycles as a Creative 🌙 appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

My brain is fried from the overwhelming pressure that we are all under at the moment. Rent is at an unprecedented high, the hope of getting a mortgage is fading quickly, the cost of everything is increasing, I’m working more than I want to and I’m tired. So yeah, if I can get a little support from Chat GPT think that’s OK.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how hard it is to rest within the clutches of capitalism. The profit-driven nature of privatised consumerism means that prices are increasing which means I need to earn more money to live. As someone with mental and chronic illness, trying to address trauma and function as a single person going through divorce… I’m just tired.

Why Capitalism is Making Your Tired

When your employer doesn’t offer sick pay, you go to work when you know should be in bed getting better. And if you do take time off, you go back to work before you’re well to avoid a slim paycheck and disciplinary action.

When you’re self-employed and the cost of living has increased for your clients, you fear losing them so you don’t increase your rates and are forced to take on more clients to pay your mortgage on time, which can lead to elevated stress levels, substance abuse, insomnia and depression.

When you do feel healthy (whatever that means) you work long hours because you know it will lead to some sort of success in the form of a pay rise, promotion, increased sales, or a general ‘atta boy’ pat on the back from society in general. 

You wear clothes that look professional. You mask any parts of yourself that don’t fit the image of what a productive, well-paid, respectable member of society looks like, a practice that people with ADHD are painfully well-versed in.

And when you do have pockets of time outside of work, you feel this undeniable pressure to develop yourself into a better person, reading self-help books and taking courses and listening to podcasts on productivity. 

The worst part about all of this is that you don’t feel as though you have any right to complain.

Capitalism works you like a machine and brandishes you as lazy when you perform like a human who needs, rest, play and social time. 

Widespread problem 

This isn’t a new realisation for me. I worked in hospitality for over a decade, pulling 16 hours shifts on my feet, locking up at midnight only to put the key in the door at 6am the following day.

I took naps in the cupboard, compartmentalised my tears to the staff bathroom, sustained a back injury and worked anyway, ignored panic attacks and did all this while earning a wage that was so laughable I stole food from my employers in order to eat.

Now as a self-employed writer, I’ve experienced the capitalist pressure from the publishing industry, spending literally years writing books for well below minimum wage and feeling as though I should be grateful for the opportunity.

I’ve lost weekends with family, nights out with pals, worked on Christmas Day and lost my temper with partners due to the physical and mental burden of trying to make money doing a job that I actually enjoy.

My experience is not the worst, but it’s certainly not unique.  

• Work-related burnout is up to 40%, higher than during the pandemic.
• The number of people not working in the UK due to illness has risen to a new record, in part triggered by a rise in employee mental health issues.
• Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that 438,000 more people were not looking for work from January to March 2023 because they were on long-term sick leave. In total, 2.5m people are not currently working due to health problems.
  

Resting is not an option

Even when the body does force you to slow down and rest, capitalism tells you that this should be in the ‘right’ way, by paying for therapy, getting in your silly little walk, and buying SAD lamps and vitamins all with the underlying message that you must get well enough to be productive again.

Even our default relaxation mode of scrolling on social media is permeated by consumerism, littered with adverts for things we didn’t know we needed as well as examples of others being more productive or successful than us.

Internalised capitalism 

Perhaps the biggest lie we’ve been sold is that constantly pushing forward is the only option. And when you feel deflated, unfulfilled and empty, you assume that the answer is to strive more instead of less.

The blame always lands on us, for not doing enough, being quick/smart/committed enough, and never with the system which is intent on working us like machines.

“Internalized capitalism is this idea that our self-worth is directly linked to our productivity,” said Anders Hayden, a political science professor at Dalhousie University.

“You can’t feel value in yourself just for being alive – just for being a human being. You have to be a ‘human doing’ to have any value.”

Societal pressure

Identifying with your achievements is one of the things I’ve been personally working hard to unlearn.

I am proud that I have written and published two books, but identifying with those achievements and their success has been painful.

Instead of focusing on the fact that I poured my life lessons into hundreds of pages and help my readers feel seen, I have had a tendency to focus on which magazines have featured the book, how many speaking opportunities they have led to, and of course how many sales and how much (little) money they have earned me. 

This time last year, I was throwing around book ideas with my agent. Flirting with another memoir, researching industry trends, trying to write ‘for the market’ and amongst all of that I became so disillusioned with the commodification of my creativity (and my trauma) that I simply gave up.

There is no external achievement that is ever going to feel like enough. 

Soothing the Pain

So where do we go from here? I can’t think of any way to live outside of the system.

I am perpetuating the system as we speak, this blog post is part of it, it’s a way for me to communicate to you as part of my business. I rely on an audience of writers paying for my time so that I can afford to pay rent and bills. 

1. Create more than you consume

Maintaining autonomy is so much harder when you are bombarded with messages from the media. Instead of endlessly consuming, get into the habit of creating what you want to see in the world. Start a book club, write a poem, and cook dinner from scratch. The experience of creation is soothing and gives you back time that would otherwise be sucked up by corporations who want your money.

2. Redefine wealth 

I don’t think that you should be ‘satisfied’ with what you earn, and I certainly don’t think that you should be struggling to afford to heat your home and feed yourself.

But I do think those of us with a relatively steady income could benefit from taking a closer look at how we define wealth.

Wealth doesn’t have to be the capitalist definition of money in the bank and property in your name. Wealth can be the experiences you have with friends, a morning spent in the park enjoying nature, or you writing stories and poems that only you will read. 

3. Examine emotional spending

This isn’t about saving money, but instead recognising when you are consuming products and services because you’ve been psychologically manipulated into thinking you need them.

For me, this means making do with a minimal skincare routine, three pairs of trousers, one pair of trainers and trying hard not to buy trendy items just because I’m going out somewhere on the weekend.

Buying on Vinted has been helpful in this transitional period as I still want to spend but not in a way that forces me into debt or needing to work harder to pay off my Klarna account. 

4. Play and rest as a form of resistance

There is no denying the pressure on modern workers to make every moment of life productive.

They say rest is productive (because it allows you to work harder the next day) but I say rest is just nice. Rest is what we were born to do.

Being playful is a big middle finger to the system that wants you to spend your time working, earning, chasing, and bettering yourself so that you are more valuable.

Playing, whether that’s doodling in your notebook during a meeting, joking around with your friends or writing limericks and sending them to your partner, IS within your grasp. It’s something that you can hold onto and prioritise if you choose to.

Reclaim your energy

So here we are. Trapped in a system we did not choose to be a part of, striving for more and never feeling as though we are enough.

Punished for being human, praised when we push through and perform like robots. Is it any wonder you are tired AF? No. 

You are tired because you deserve better, you deserve playfulness, you deserve to create, to have mindful wandering, and contentment in your simple existence.

And while that may not seem easy to achieve, it is possible, and potentially life-changing. 

The post Why Capitalism is Making You Tired appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

At first, I thought romanticising your life was about travelling solo (which I did!) but then I realised that it can be about the little things too.

I don’t believe that romanticising your life is solely about grand gestures, expensive purchases or seizing every opportunity that comes your way. It’s about capitalising on what you have today, about being grateful for where you are now and taking pleasure in the things that bring you joy, no matter what anyone else thinks.

1. Reorganise your space

When I was a kid I loved the film Calamity Jane. My favourite part is the montage where Jane and her ‘friend’ set up in a tired little cottage and spruce it up into a home, whilst singing a song about a woman’s touch.

Although I’ve now realised that this is an iconic cinematic moment for many lesbians my age (little baby me had no idea) I think it’s a perfect example of how taking pride in your space can be a beautiful act of self-care.

It’s also an invitation to slow down, to think about how your environment not only impacts your mood but how little tweaks can turn your home into a sanctuary.

How can you create the feeling that you want to embody by using all the senses?

This could be:

• spending an afternoon quietly cleaning the windows
• dusting and rearranging your favourite trinkets
• picking out your favourite tarot cards to display on the mantel
• shopping for second-hand artwork

I like to light incense to signify a peaceful stage in the day, and music to get me into the right mood.

Imagine your favourite restaurants, cafes or hotels you’ve been to. What about that space felt comforting to you? It’s easier than you think to create that vibe in your own space, especially with sites like Vinted where you can pick up second-hand items on a budget.

2. Make mindful rituals

I’ve always been a coffee lover, but my mornings have gotten better since I started using coffee grounds instead of instant.

Something about the art of getting my Aeropress or French press set up, scooping the coffee just so (I love Fower coffee) boiling the kettle and waiting for it to filter through makes the whole process way more romantic.

Instead of mindlessly stirring instant coffee in 30 seconds, this process takes around 5-6 minutes and requires me to step away from work and ground myself in the present moment, using the act of coffee making as a reason to pause and be patient.

Other mindful rituals I enjoy include:

• meditating
• doing the dishes slowly by hand
• experimenting with new make-up
• applying a face mask
• shaving my legs

Any task that you do regularly has the potential to be turned into a romantic ritual, the trick is to be fully present in the ritual and focus only on the task at hand.

3. Dress for yourself

I think we’re all guilty of saving our best clothes for a future date and working from home means that there is always the temptation to wear grotty PJs all day every day.

Take the time to put together an outfit that expresses who you are and how you want to feel that day.

Maybe that means PJS, but the clean, fancy ones you normally reserve for the weekend. Or maybe it’s taking the time to change your earrings, wearing perfume and painting your nails on a Wednesday evening.

Taking pride in your appearance, even when no one else is around, can be an empowering experience and one that makes you realise your life is yours to be created on a moment-by-moment basis.

4. Write in public

I’m actually writing this blog post from a cafe near my house. There’s something soooooo main character energy about writing in public that I will never tire of.

Maybe it’s because I love people knowing that I’m a writer, or because being witnessed makes it a sort of performance that I enjoy, or maybe it’s the hubbub of people coming and going that makes me feel part of a ‘scene’ that I wouldn’t be part of at home.

Either way, I highly recommend taking your notebook or laptop out to a quirky little cafe, ordering a coffee and cake and writing your little heart out, pretending you’re a character in a movie. If you want to journal, check out my free daily journaling guide here.

5. Create the soundtrack to your life

On a workday, I like soundscape music such as coffee shop sounds, and in the evening I like reiki healing sounds. On a weekend I delve into my pop playlist and romantic indie songs to evoke a sense of self-love.

Whenever I hear a song that makes me feel really happy, I add it to a playlist for when I need to boost my mood. There are particular songs that I enjoy listening to as I walk, because that’s when I feel my most upbeat and as though I’m in control of my life.

My favourite walking songs are:

• Seventeen by Sharon Van Etten
• Now I’m In It by Haim
• Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae

OK, that’s my thoughts on how to romanticise your life. How are you feeling about trying some of these tips? Do you have any other unusual ways to share with me? Leave them in the comments below!

The post How to Romanticise Your Life appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Source: www.carlyrowena.com

At a party I recently saw a friend who I hadn’t seen for almost a year. She had lost a lot of weight and was being praised for the achievement by all the women at the party. With my history of rapid weight loss, crash dieting, binge eating and excessive exercising I stayed silent. I wasn’t jealous (I swear) but it just didn’t feel right to congratulate her.

I’ve actually put on about 20 lbs in the past eighteen months and I’m still coming to terms with how my body feels since I quit dieting. I’ve immersed myself in an online world where it’s OK to have lumps, bumps and visible cellulite. It’s also OK to be thin and not have boobs, wide hips or a bubble butt. I believe all body shapes are acceptable and should be represented in the media.

When I meet women who still praise each other for weight loss I feel icky. In my opinion weight loss itself doesn’t make you beautiful, nor does it deserve a “well done” sticker. Weight loss may lead to a healthier lifestyle, more confidence and self-love but that isn’t attainable purely from calorie restriction. It comes from learning to accept yourself warts and all.

In celebration of National No Diet Day which takes place on May 6th, I wanted to speak to online fitness babe Carly Rowena. She’s someone who promotes an exercise regime, balanced diet and above all self-acceptance for what your body looks like at all times.

In the online fitness world there is SO much pressure to appear lean, muscular and eat a clean diet and I’m impressed that Carly cuts through the bullshit and gets honest with her audience. She’s often captured eating chocolate, ice cream and pizza and will express candidly the negative feelings she’s had towards her own body in the past.

When I asked Carly about diet culture in social media she spoke about the importance of being upfront with her viewers;

“I think there is a lack of honesty to a degree, we need to remind people that we don’t eat like that all the time. That’s why I enjoy Insta-stories, it’s a chance to show a behind the scenes. I always try to share my clean days and my relaxed days, honesty is the only way forward”.

As someone who has always dieted, I’m curious whenever a new brand comes to market promising to deliver the best plan for optimal health and fast weight loss. Even if I don’t follow the plan I’m still interested in the science behind new fad diets and how they claim to work. However, Carly promises there is no one perfect diet that will work for everyone;

“We are all individuals so how can we ever all have the same results from the same diet? I recommend people really think about what they want, how they want to live and what they can afford both to give and to spend. Most people just need to make a few adjustments, swaps if you will. We need to stop thinking about our bodies as something we have to keep changing, we need to think about our lives and want we want our bodies to be able to do”.

Dieting has often left me with the overwhelming urge to binge. I would restrict my calories to 1000 per day, only consuming foods which I deemed ‘safe’ such as salad, fruit and vegetables. After a few weeks the urge consumed me and I would eat up to 5000 calories in the space of an hour to satisfy my hunger. The binges continued for days at a time before I forced myself to restrict again, only to result in an inevitable binge eating episode a few weeks down the line.

“Take a step back, rethink what you want from your life. Are you trying to be a bikini competition or an athlete? If the answer to both is no, then why are you trying to diet or train like one? Most of my clients are under-eating which is why they’re forever struggling to reach their goals. Top tip is to write own your food for a week and find out exactly what you’re eating, how many calories, are you getting enough fats, proteins, carbs or fibre, then you have a starting point from which you can make adjustments”.

I’ve found keeping a food diary is a great way to analyse your behaviour if you feel like food is ruling your life. I’ve learned that urge to binge often comes during a stressful time in my life, or after a period of restrictive eating and now I feel more equipped to deal with those urges when they arise.

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that ultimately dieting doesn’t work for me. It works on the surface and I can easily drop pounds by making a few simple changes to my food intake but the damage done to my mental state lasts longer and has been a challenge to rectify.

I’m glad that people like Carly Rowena are talking about the realities of over-restriction and the negative affects of dieting. There’s no shame in simply eating for health, exercising for fun and focusing on loving your body as it is!

Will you be celebrating National No Diet Day on May 6th?

The post Talking diets and online expectations with Carly Rowena appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

From a mental health perspective, showing kindness to a stranger is incredibly powerful. You’ll never know how important a welcoming smile could be to a person with anxiety, or offering your parking ticket to someone who’s so stressed that they forgot to bring change for the meter.

As someone with depression and anxiety I also take pleasure in being kind to others. It can lift my mood, make me feel productive and worth something on days when my brain wants me to feel otherwise.

1. Give to a homeless person

Since living in Birmingham I’ve become very aware that homelessness is a real problem in this city. I pass a homeless person almost everyday on the way to work and I try and give him something to eat. If you can do this today then I know it would help.

2. Give a stranger a compliment

I work in a customer service environment so I meet hundreds of people everyday. I regularly have an inner dialogue which goes something like this, “She has a lovely smile. I love her top. She’s so friendly”. Then I go on with my day and forget all about it. The few times where I’ve actually vocalised a compliment to a stranger have always ended well. People love to receive compliments!

3. Buy someone a coffee

This is my go-to act of kindness when I’m feeling generous. Who doesn’t appreciate a free coffee? Ask your mate out for a drink and don’t let them pay or simply take a hot drink into work for someone who needs it. You won’t regret it.

4. Listen

We all have those friends or colleagues who can talk for Britain. If like me, you tend to zone out when they speak then try and spend today really listening to what they have to say. It could be that you actually find it interesting!

5. Tip your server

As a cafe worker I’m obliged to ask that you consider us who prepare your food and beverages everyday with a smile. OK I don’t smile all of the time but believe me, I’m making a huge effort not to look grumpy when we make eye contact. I can guarantee you that a generous tip does not go unnoticed to us minimum wage earners, so consider popping an extra few coins in the jar on your way out today.

6. Send someone flowers

Valentines Day may have passed, but giving someone fresh flowers never gets old. It might be an elderly neighbour who helps feed your pet or the childminder who always goes the extra mile for your little ones, but whoever it is you can be sure a surprise bouquet will put a smile on their face.

7. Giveaway something you don’t need

Cleaning out your closet is a great place to start if you’re looking for something to giveaway. I recently gave away a few brand new t-shirts that were too small for me and I was glad they went to someone who wanted them. You might find you have something of use which you can give to a friend, if not just fill up a box for charity.

8. Offer your services for free

If you run a business then why not run a competition where someone can win something that you would normally charge for? Or you could simply pick one of your customers at random and give them a special discount. These little freebies are also a great marketing tool that give your business the human touch.

9. Give to a charity

Instead of buying a sandwich at lunch, why not bring in a home made meal and put a fiver in the nearest charity box? You could also donate a box of unwanted clothes or household items to your local charity shop or sign up to a fundraising event like a run or walk.

10. Make the call

Remember, you don’t need to spend a penny to be kind. Promise yourself that today you’ll make that call you’ve been avoiding. It might be your mum, a sibling or an old work friend that’s gone off the radar for too long. It only takes a few minutes but it can make someone’s day.

Tweet me and let me know what random act of kindness you performed today!

The post 10 random acts of kindness you can do today appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Since turning 30 have had a few more ‘fuck it’ moments; including going back to that copper shade I was when I was 17. I’ve decided it’s time to stop doing what other people expect of you. Here are a few examples..

1. Playing it safe with your hair colour

If you like to experiment with your hair then good for you. Pink and blue hair is kind of trendy right now, but if you want it that colour until you’re 60 then rock on. Some people think bright coloured hair looks unprofessional but nothing says, “I get shit done” like a mermaid inspired bouffant, in my opinion.

2. Settling for a job you hate

For years I climbed the corporate ladder in an industry I hated. I didn’t have any other skills (or so I thought) after doing the same type of work since I was 17. I spent years getting promoted, taking on extra responsibility and earning reasonably good money for what I did. I had an office and my own department and it looked like I had it all together. Really I was terribly unhappy and it took a mental breakdown to realise my career wasn’t making me happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough to try something different.

3. Eating something you know makes you feel shit

Sometimes only Oreos will do. I get it. But when you’re sat in a restaurant and you know that eating dessert is going to make you feel overly-full and bloated then don’t do it. You don’t have to order burgers and fries when you know you’d rather have salad (those days DO exist, I promise). You don’t have to keep up appearances for fear of looking like you’re a stick in the mud – eat what makes you feel good.

4. Drinking alcohol

A glass of bubbly to cheers to someone’s new job or 30th birthday is often seen as obligatory. Just because someone hands you a free glass of cheap cava doesn’t mean you have to drink it! If, like me you know that alcohol brings out the worst in you; why bother?

5. Going for the healthy option

Similarly, it’s easy to feel like you have to eat what people expect you to eat. So you told people at work you’re on a diet and the next day you want a cheeseburger. You probably don’t want to eat it in front of those same people in case they comment on how you’re diet didn’t last long, or they talk about you behind your back. I felt like this for a long time and I would regularly eat ‘healthily’ in front of others and binge on junk food in secret. This often meant that I would overeat when I was alone because I felt so panicked and ashamed of what I was doing. Eat that goddamn cheeseburger.

6. Wearing something conservative

I spent my life trying to dress appropriately according to my peers. Hearing the dreaded phrase “What’s everyone wearing?” before a night out used to put me on edge. I probably already had an idea of what I wanted to wear and if not, I didn’t need a panel of gorgeous ladies giving me suggestions. Wear what’s comfortable. Wear what makes you feel fierce. Wear whatever is clean that day cause it’s not really that important.

7. Agreeing with someone’s politics

I’m the ultimate ‘nod and agree’ person in any social situation. I hate confrontation (who the hell doesn’t?) so I tend to just go along with whatever the general consensus is on a topical subject and hope that we get back to talking about the weather before it gets too complicated. I’ve realised though, that my opinion is just as important as anyone else’s. If I hear someone saying something that I think is racist, sexist or morally wrong then I think I have a responsibility to question it. If they can see my side of the argument that’s great; if not then at least I can say I tried.

What do you do to please other people? Are you willing to try and stop?

The post 10 things you should stop doing just to please other people appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

I still love eating healthily because it gives me the energy to do the things I enjoy, but apart from that I’ve kind of given up on weight-loss. I’ve been there, living the ‘fitspo’ life, and I’m done with it. Here’s why…

I’ve been thin and it wasn’t all that

A lot of people look back on pictures of themselves when they looked different and have distorted memories about how they really felt at the time. When I look back on pictures of myself aged 18 and weighing approximately 200lbs, I was overweight but having the time of my life. I had just moved away from home, started university, was meeting new people everyday and learning who I really was. I was socialising like mad and I was incredibly happy. When I was at my leanest – aged 27 – I was battling depression, anxiety, obsessively over-exercising and following a very low calorie diet. I was still happy but I was very tightly wound and had strict rules about what I ate and was constantly hungry, leading to poor brain function and irritability. I’m not saying that you can’t be thin and happy; but don’t put all your eggs in one basket thinking that it’s the answer to all of life’s problems. You’ll still have problems no matter what weight you are.

Restriction isn’t sustainable

It took me years to understand that pretty much every diet is destined to fail. It’s not your lack of will power that lets you down; it’s the fact that you’re restricting yourself so much for so long that your mind and body inevitably cannot do it any more. The penny started to drop when I read a book called Intuitive Eating, although I still did a few years of crash-dieting before what I read began to make sense in my head. I’ve tried to explain to people that a)learning to love your body as it is will stand you in better stead than trying to change it and b)dieting is almost 100% guaranteed to fail in the long term. The truth is, I didn’t believe it myself until I’d dieted for 12 years, lost approximately 60lbs and gained it all back in the end. Sometimes you have to live through that to see that you’re not the one person that’s going to ‘stick to the plan’ and prove everyone wrong. I get it. Just take it from someone who has restricted food groups for most of my adult life; IT DOESN’T WORK.

You’re not defined by your aesthetic

I’ve written before about how when I feel really low about my body image, I like to remember how I look at other people. I very rarely look at someone and think much about what they look like in a typical sense. I’ll perhaps notice a nice necklace they’re wearing, the smell of their perfume, how friendly they were, if they smiled or held eye contact with me. When I look at my friends and family I see their personality traits; I genuinely don’t think about what they look like in a negative way whatsoever, so the chances are no one else is giving a crap about what I look like either. No one is noticing my double chin, my muffin top and my hairy legs and if they ARE then frankly, they need to get a life. I know that what I bring to the table is more important that a thin body, so why fixate on that small, insignificant part of me?

Your brain can do so much more than just count calories

When I was fixated on counting calories it honestly didn’t leave time for much else. I was always on my phone figuring out what I could eat that day and scrutinizing food labels to see which had the fewest calories. I was always trimming calories at every opportunity, but never eating a proper meal to compensate. I ‘had to’ exercise for a minimum of 60 minutes per day (ideally double that) so my mind and body were both exhausted. I didn’t realise the perpetual use of will power combined with a low calorie diet was draining away all my brain power. Since I’ve stopped fixating on food and exercise I’ve had the energy to socialise and write everyday, which are two things I don’t want to give up.

Food is amazing

I’m sure you’re aware of how flippin’ fantastic food is. We can’t survive without it and we are lucky enough to have almost any kind we desire at our fingertips in plentiful amounts. It’s a great way to socialise, show gratitude, celebrate and commiserate. We don’t need to overindulge but sometimes it’s nice. It’s such an important part of our world that it seems wrong to cut it out and stop ourselves from enjoying it. I’m not saying we should eat what we want, when we want all the time; but maybe its time to loosen up and appreciate what we have?

Have you given up on dieting?

The post Why I’m not dieting this January (even though I’m a size 16) appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

It helped me develop a self-care routine

I don’t believe that possessions can make you happy, and for years I refused to spend money on beauty and skincare products because I believed I didn’t need them to feel beautiful. I definitely DO NOT need them to feel beautiful; but taking care of my physical self is something that I’ve done more in 2016, and something that’s sincerely helped me feel less worthless when I’ve been going through a bout of depression.

When I spent weeks primping and preening myself for my wedding day in 2015, I remember thinking there was no way in hell I could keep up this level of attention to my body. Who has the time? When I stepped out in my wedding dress, I felt so happy with myself from the inside out, that I could finally see the value in carrying on a few of the beauty routines I have developed in the run up to the day. I don’t spend much money on make up, but I do have a favourite cleanser, serum and moisturiser that I use religiously and a few face masks that I reach for when I need that extra special care. I don’t think this is the only way to practise self-care, but for me it’s a daily addition to my coping strategies that I do without thinking and gives me a regular lift.

Make-up can help me feel confident

There’s no denying that wearing make-up can make you feel more confident. In the same way that a new haircut and your favourite dress can make you feel like you can conquer the world, I’m not ashamed to say that a smokey eye and bangin’ highlighter make me feel sassy. But I also feel confident when I DON’T wear make-up and I think that’s important.

Washing my face and slapping on some moisturiser is all I do when I’m going to the gym. I like to look in the mirror and see my true self. For me, the gym is a place for honesty. It’s where I’m alone and focused with my own thoughts, listening to and observing my body to see how far I can push myself as well as when to rest. I find it’s healthy to have time without make-up, to appreciate the impact it can make when you really want it.

I realised need representation in the media

I grew up reading the same magazines as everyone else my age – Mizz, Shout, Smash Hits, Bliss – so I believed that to be beautiful I had to be white, thin, blonde-haired and blue-eyed with big breasts. I began dieting around 15 and didn’t stop until I was approaching 30. The penny dropped for me when I saw Ashley Graham on the cover of Sport Illustrated. She’s by no means a fair representation of the millions of ‘plus-size’ (whatever that means nowadays) women who look to the media for inspiration, but for me she’s an inch closer to that dream. In that cover I saw someone with a body shape vaguely like mine, and I’d never seen that before.

That’s when I realised I’d been conditioning myself to believe that my body shape, hair and face was all wrong by consuming the images that were handed to me. Now, I actively seek out women who have bodies I can identify with and a style which I can understand. I feel You Tube is particularly helpful when it comes to the beauty aspect of this, because it’s really relatable for me to watch a woman by age talk about what skincare and make-up brands they use in their everyday lives instead of relying on magazines which are heavily biased towards advertisers.

Check out this podcast called Unsorry, in particular their recent episode talking about feeling beautiful.

The post 3 ways the beauty industry has affected my mental health appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

It’s Christmas day and everywhere, people are smiling. Children are grinning from ear to ear as they tear open their long-awaited gifts, and parents look on with pride, feeling accomplished after a long year of working hard to provide for the family. Grandparents fall asleep on the sofa whilst the dog nibbles the leftover mince pie that has fallen onto the floor. Mum finally puts her feet up after feeding the entire family without stopping for a break.

To most people Christmas conjures up similar images of warm, familiar sights involving traditions that have gone on for years with family and friends who don’t often see each other. It’s a time to put work aside and focus on relationships, socialising and eating a little too much; all in aide of the festive season.

For anyone with depression, this scenario is unlikely to create a feeling of happiness. I know it’s not my favourite holiday, that’s for sure. If you have depression I want to tell you something.

You’re not a party-pooper.

You’re not The Grinch.

You don’t need to ‘grin and bear it’ for one day of the year because let’s be honest, it spans way longer that one day and you’re expected to be in the party mood for almost an entire month without showing a sign of unhappiness. This is unrealistic and it’s cruel to expect mental health sufferers to somehow put their illness ‘on hold’ for an extended period of time.

Can you just put your nut allergy, diabetes or heart murmur on hold for Christmas day?

Can you not have an epileptic fit or have a broken leg today?

That’s how it feels to be told to ‘cheer up’ when you have depression. We cannot simply choose not to suffer today because it’s inconvenient and makes others uncomfortable. It makes us feel guilty that we can’t, but we genuinely can’t. We want to pretend with every bone in our bodies that we’re ‘OK’ but we can’t.

This is to all the people who went back to bed after opening presents. To all the people who didn’t even want any presents because they feel unworthy. To all the people who would rather skip to December 26th and avoid the big day altogether. To all the people who are crying, screaming and hurting on the ‘happiest day of the year’… I understand.

To us, making it to the end of the day is the biggest achievement we can hope for. If we manage a smile, even a fake one, then today as been a success. If we go to bed without having shed a tear today then that is progress. But if today has been sad, lonely and scary then that’s OK too, because we experience that a lot and we’re learning to cope with it. Better days will come but they doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to live through today.

Merry Christmas

The post An ode to anyone with depression this Christmas appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Get enough sleep

It’s tempting to go out on Christmas Eve and have a few too many drinks to ease your nerves about the following day, but make sure you still get a good night’s sleep after you socialise. I find my temper is shorter when I’m tired and I have no patience with anyone. It also makes me gravitate towards the Quality Street to keep my energy up, which then makes my anxiety worse as I ride the unpredictable sugar-high whilst trying to remain calm in front of relatives. I’ve heard people say that you often wake up in the frame of mind you had when you went to bed, so try and have a relaxing evening to keep yourself level-headed.

Keep busy

Although I’m a firm believer in keeping my calendar as clear as possible, I also find I’m happier when I’m distracted with day-to-day jobs. OK not always happier, but I’m definitely less anxious and that’s the path to happiness in my world. This doesn’t mean socialising for hours on end but simply keeping my mind and body occupied with enjoyable tasks. For me these include blogging, reading, cooking and exercising. Offer to help chop the vegetables, set the table, clear away used wrapping paper and keep everyone’s drink topped up as a way to keep busy.

Get outside

With that in mind, you may want to take your exercise to the outdoors. Getting some fresh air whilst the turkey is cooking is a nice way to relax before sitting down to a formal meal where the conversation can get heated. Offer to take the dog a walk, or get the kids away from the TV for an hour and you’ll find yourself refreshed with a clearer head, ready to enjoy the rest of the day.

Plan time with people who understand

We all have those friends you just get us. They let us be ourselves and there are no awkward silences when we’re together. They let us vent endlessly about our problems and often have the answers to them too. These are the people that should be by your side on Christmas Day. If you can, try and plan to see them in the evening once the festivities have died down, or at least keep in touch via text message or Face Time. Even if you’re feeling terrible, they’ll listen to what you have to say and help ease the burden of a busy day.

Are you ready for Christmas Day?

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