I’ve always been a fan of military-style workouts. Burpees, squat jumps, tuck jumps and something called a gorilla crawl (don’t ask) have been my movement of choice. But my osteopath recently suggested I focus on yoga and pilates instead, something that could help manage the chronic back pain I’ve lived with for over 15 years.

Now, I’m not against pilates and yoga. I’ve done them both on and off throughout the years, but in my head the distinction is clear. Pilates and yoga are nice. They’re enjoyable. But my brain likes to tell me that they’re not ‘real exercise’.

Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile

When I think about fitness as a concept, I think about the fittest version of myself. It was about five years ago and I was hammering 8-10 fitness classes a week, often doing 2-3 back to back in order to really feel the burn. I wanted nothing more than to be what society deems as ‘healthy’. After years of consuming magazines, imagery and TV shows that depicted exercise as something to bear through gritted teeth, I nodded aggressively in agreement when the class instructor yelled NO PAIN NO GAIN!

What I can see now is that I’ve learned to associate pain with optimum physical health. Let me say that again:

I associate pain with optimum physical health.

How mad is that? So in trying to mend my injured back I chose the most painful way to move my body and doubled down on it. When I was told to do something I actually enjoy (yoga and pilates) I scoffed at it. Because I thought, how can something you enjoy be good for your health?

I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.

If that was true I’d be eating McFlurries for breakfast (that statement is another rabbit hole, because why do I associate delicious tasting food with guilt and overindulgence? The diet industry)

Anyway, I listened to my osteopath and I’ve quit doing all the army-style workouts and over the last few days I’ve been doing yoga. Nice, boring, gentle yoga. Sometimes I complete a full 60-minute workout and sometimes (like yesterday) I quit after a few minutes because the instructor tells me I need to contact my inner smile. I enjoy yoga but I’m not quite there yet.

The point is, if I wanted to compete in a competitive sporting event or dramatically change my body then yes, I’d have to implement an intensive exercise regime to see results and yes it would be challenging and uncomfortable and painful at times. I highly doubt McFlurries would be part of the plan.

But I’m not a professional athlete.

I’m just a person trying to move through the world in a way that feels as painless as possible. So why shouldn’t I access the tools that feel good? It feels nice to do yoga. It feels right. It feels easy. Fighting pain with pain just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.

So my question to you is, what do you enjoy doing? And what resistance do you feel when you consider making time for it?

I get so many DMs from people who say they love to write, that they dream of starting a blog or writing a book one day. But when it comes to sitting down to do the writing, their brain tells them they don’t deserve it. That they couldn’t possible indulge in something that feels pleasurable….

So instead they torture themselves by wasting time scrolling on social media (the digital version of an angry fitness instructor screaming in your face, telling you that you’re unworthy) and they never allow themselves to step away and enjoy the thing they love the most; writing.

Are you ready to take the path of least resistance?

Learn more about my writing courses here.

The post Learning to take the path of least resistance appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Because I’ve gained some weight and I think I can track it back to a tipping point which occurred in December 2019. It was a few days after Christmas and I was just a few days shy of a January 2nd deadline for my second book, Out of Office.

It’s not a spoiler to say that I met the deadline because you probably already know that the book hit the shelves in October 2020 and became an Amazon bestseller. But how we got to this point? Well, friends, it was a bumpy road paved with processed sugar.

How we got here

I was typing furiously for days, with little time to go to the toilet never mind eat a proper meal. I had overestimated how much work was left to do on the manuscript (oops) and while my friends and family enjoyed pub drinks and visits to the Christmas market, I was holed up in my husband’s childhood bedroom scrambling to finish the first draft.

I’m not entirely sure how I came to own three Terry’s Chocolate Oranges. I know one was mine, for certain. The other two may have belonged to my husband, they could have been a gift from God. How they came to be doesn’t matter because, well, they didn’t survive very long. I scoffed all three of them in less than 24 hours.

I was in survival mode, eating my emotions to fuel my next great masterpiece. Out of Office is a book about freelance life, isn’t it? Well, cards on the table. The freelance life comes with highs and lows and this was most definitely a low point, akin to the Alan Partridge sketch where he drives to Dundee in his bare feet and eats four bars of Toblerone.

I DIGRESS.

Here we are, almost a year later and we’re approaching Terry’s favourite season. The time when Chocolate Orange items appear in homes all across the land. Hidden in cupboards, stuffed into stockings and handed out as the ultimate, fail-safe, ‘I didn’t know what to get you’ edible gift.

Why I want to look ‘myself’ in photographs

As I said, I will never give up on the mighty Chocolate Orange. But I do acknowledge that they’re not necessarily the best form of stress relief and this year has been a tad stressful don’t you think? Being stuck at home 24/7 means that for me, eating has become one of the easiest ways to make the days more exciting.

But in all honesty, I’ve been putting on weight ever since I went freelance. My previous career in catering meant that I was on my feet all day, now I get to do my dream job but it means I’m sitting down, a lot, while I do it.

So when Victoria Beddoes offered to gift me a brand photography shoot, my toes curled. I hadn’t had my picture taken professionally for years. I pretend to be happy in my skin and I very much aim for body acceptance, the truth is I don’t feel comfortable at my current size of a UK 18-20.

But in the spirit of body acceptance, I knew I wanted to go ahead with the shoot. Because I felt that updating my brand images to reflect what I look like now is an important gesture. It shows to other women out there that they can be successful without starving themselves. That they too can eat an embarrassing volume of chocolate and still get shit done while looking badass.

So how did I do it?

How did I show up to a brand photography session and fake confidence when I was feeling less than beautiful?

Firstly, I picked the right photographer. OK SHE PICKED ME. But when I scrolled through Victoria’s Instagram feed I saw that she had already photographed my friend Ruth and knew that she was going to be the perfect fit for me. All of her photographs are candid, laid-back and more importantly, make all of her subjects look like nice humans.

I didn’t meet Victoria until the day of our shoot, but we had a phone call the week before to map out what locations we wanted to hit and the general vibe we wanted to create. So you should definitely take time to find a photographer who has already shot pictures that you like, and make sure to set up a call before you commit to a booking.

Secondly, I took great care over my outfit. I read every article I could find about what clothes work well in a photoshoot and I’m glad I did because my instinct was initially to wear the brightest, snazziest dress in my wardrobe. But what I found is that basics are a pretty good option for a shoot.

A nice white t-shirt, stonewash jeans and a fitted blazer aren’t gonna turn heads at Paris fashion week but hell, they’re classic! And showing up to a shoot in a timeless outfit will make you feel comfortable, which I really think is the most important thing when it comes to confidence. I went for simple skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a green trench coat.

Colours matter

Think about the colours that work for your skin tone. My branding is pink and yellow but if I’m honest, neither of them really do much for my colouring. But dark green? And navy blue? They’re softer than black but still muted that I didn’t feel like I was wearing too much colour. Pick simple jewellery. I went for a plain chain and twisted studs. Something to make you look ‘put together’ but that doesn’t detract from your face, the surroundings or will look dated over time.

If you can, wear some texture. This will show up nicely on camera and add a bit of depth. My t-shirt was slightly ribbed and that added a bit of weight to the top which made it look slightly more formal, but in a good way. I brought a loose-knit sweatshirt and changed into that for variety. When you compare the jumper look to the ones in my trench coat, they look like a completely different day/shoot when really it took less than a minute to make the switch.

Dare to look at the unedited pics

After the first few shots, Victoria let me see the images. This was SUCH a good move on her part because I could see from the pictures that she really knew what she was doing (I never doubted it for a second) and I didn’t look like the total monster I had imagined in my head.

Ask to see the test shots, it will more than likely put your mind at ease which will instantly boost your confidence and make you feel a bit more relaxed on camera. This in itself will mean you’ll strike better poses and create even better images in the long run. Oh, and ask your photographer to direct your poses! Victoria was great at saying things like “now hand on hip, and hand to the hair, and big smile!”

Wear your ‘normal’ make up but intensify it. For example, I wore my night time foundation which is heavier coverage than my normal BB cream. I used a lot more blusher than usual (but in a natural, peachy shade) and softly blended some brown pencil eyeliner for extra definition around the eyes.

I also added bronzer (which is totally out of character for me) but as a pale-skinned gal, I didn’t want to risk looking too washed out in the pictures. I’m certainly no make up artist but I look like ME in the final images and that, my friend, is exactly what I was going for.

Be yourself

For me, it’s been on a lifelong journey to navigate the murky world of being a woman. Society expects us to be so many things. Be delicate. Be feminine. Be small. Be quiet. It’s all so bloody exhausting that I think sometimes we have to admit that it’s best to just exhale, let the muffin top flop out and be ourselves.

Looking back at these images now I don’t see the shame I once felt about my body, shame about my double chins or shame about my penchant for fruit-shaped chocolate.

I just see me, being myself and having a damn good time.

The post How to prepare for a photoshoot when you don’t feel body confident appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Make up free days are essential for self-care

I haven’t always been an advocate of the make up-free life. I remember getting a compliment one day at work when I was in my ‘proper’ job. You know, the type of job that your parents are finally happy about. The kind of job that looks good on your CV. The kind of job that has a title and an office, but bears no resemblance to the dreams you had as a kid.The kind of job that gives you a mental breakdown. Or maybe that’s just me.

I was under a lot of pressure on a daily basis. Something that I now know I can’t cope with. On this particular day – the compliment day – I was constantly being pulled between responsibilities. I managed a big catering outlet so on busy days I had to step away from the computer and instead clear tables, supervise staff and do the dishes.

As soon as the lunchtime rush died down I reluctantly got back to my expanding to-do list which should have been completed before 10am that morning. Oops. Then I got a call from the finance department asking me for the end of month figures.

“End of month?” I thought to myself.

I checked my calendar and saw that it was only April 24th, so how could I possibly give her the end of month figures when the month hadn’t even ended yet? Then I realised that she needed the figures for March, not April. I was a month overdue on my paperwork. Oops again.

 

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I stomped upstairs in my awkwardly tight – but flattering – pencil skirt to hand in the requested stats. I slid the the poly pocket onto Kirsty’s desk and tried to escape without too much small talk. She glanced up briefly and murmured “thanks” before doing a double-take. Her eyes widened and she almost jumped up out of her chair to inspect my face.

“Are those false eyelashes?” she asked, with a curious grin on her face.

I laughed and blushed a little, wondering who on earth would have the time or patience to apply false eyelashes at 5am in the morning. “No, I’m wearing the new Benefit mascara” I said, letting her in on the worst-kept beauty secret of the year.

No acceptance speech required

She congratulated me (as though having lengthy eyelashes warranted some sort of Oscar acceptance speech) and vowed to get the mascara herself in time for the weekend. I was so flattered. Getting that confidence boost from another woman made me feel good. So good in fact, that I continued to wear a full face of make up for the next year as my mental health began to crumble in a monumental fashion.

I awoke every morning filled with dread. Ignoring the symptoms of burnout and mental fatigue I insisted on spending 40 minutes applying layers of foundation, painting on a black liquid eyeliner (an anxiety-inducing task at the best of times) and crafting the perfect set of brows.

As I sobbed in the bathroom at work I made sure to wipe away my mascara-tainted tears carefully and do a quick touch up job to cover any signs of distress.

As I look back now I realise the painful truth. I was pretending to be OK and hoping that if I looked ‘put together’ on the outside then maybe no one would notice that I was cracking under the pressure.

Like most people, I wore make up to feel better about myself. I still do. I wear make up when I want to feel sexy, powerful, confident or to express myself creatively. I wear make up to cheer myself up. I wear lipstick to distract from tired eyes and extra mascara to distract from greasy hair. It’s a wonderful thing!

But for me, nothing feels better than reaching for my cleanser at the end of the day and wiping it all off. Washing away the grime and dirt is so soothing, replenishing and helps me feel like ‘me’ again. It reminds me that although I enjoy wearing make up, it’s important to accept myself barefaced too. I’ve learned to love myself ‘au naturale’ in all my imperfect glory.

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But going make up-free really that easy?

I know a lot of women can’t fathom leaving the house without any make up on. The thought of going make up-free in the name of self-care doesn’t make sense to them, and I totally get that.

You think you’re skin is too spotty, blotchy and somehow both dry and oily at the same time. It’s not tanned enough and you hate your freckles. You’re eyebrows aren’t symmetrical and bushy like Cara Delevigne’s and your lips need plumping to mimic Kyle Jenner’s.

I know these thoughts probably go through your head everyday, especially after you’ve just lost an hour of your life to Instagram and are now convinced you need a set of arse implants and a 28 day detox plan to be happy.

But what if you worked on taking care of yourself at a more basic level? Forget all the quick-fixes, add ons and lens blurring filters and instead thought about what’s on the inside? What if you worked on showing your physical self some care and attention before you focused on simply covering up, manipulating or correcting your so-called flaws?

Self-care starts on the inside

You need to set the foundations with positive thoughts about yourself. Surround yourself with people who love themselves the way they are. I know you’re not in that frame of mind yet and you think you never will be, but how do you think you got to where you are now?

You’ve unknowingly surrounded yourself with people who constantly criticise their physical appearance and do anything possible to change it. Whether it’s celebrities getting ridiculous surgeries to change their body shape or the health industry selling you the next fat-burning secret to success. You’ve spent years or possibly even decades thinking that you’re body is somehow WRONG. I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

How you correct that way of thinking is by replacing all those voices with ones who preach how you want to feel. Read articles by body positive women. Follow women on Instagram who understand how you feel.

Maybe it’s a fitness instructor who prioritises strength and performance over aesthetics. Maybe it’s Brummy Mummy of 2 who shows the funny side of parenting. Maybe it’s Kenzie Brenna who swears cellulite is normal and should be on show for the world to see. Find your tribe and listen to what they have to say, talk to them and ask questions. These people have nothing but love for you and your body image struggles.

Still feeling lost? Read this post which details three practical ways to encourage a more positive body image.

But back to the make up-free manifesto I got going on here. Make up-free days are an essential part of my self-care plan. I truly believe that revealing your naked face is a major step in accepting the skin you’re in, and that’s what self-care is all about.

I really started to go make up-free a few years ago and it’s all because I started a new skin care regime. I’ll be honest, I didn’t have ANY skincare routine until I was 25 years old. I used to got to sleep in my make-up and scrub it off with soap the next day. SOAP. Aaargh if only I could turn back the clock and save my poor skin from all that torture!

Let me make one thing crystal clear. I’m not saying that you NEED a skincare routine to feel good about going make up-free. Absolutely not.

But sometimes we need a nudge in the right direction, and a routine which forces us to think introspectively about ourselves is a good start. How often do you actually take the time to massage your face, gently remove make-up and really give your skin what it needs to function at it’s best? Here are a few reasons why I think a good skincare routine will help instil that feeling of self-care in your mind;

• You look at your skin everyday
• Your face expresses how you feel
• A skincare routine is quick and easy to implement
• You’ll literally SEE the benefits (point number 1)
• It can give you the confidence to go make up free

My skincare routine is very simple and it’s all focused around my favourite brand Liz Earle. It’s available online and in most Boots stores, it isn’t ridiculously overpriced and they don’t advocate a zillion different pointless products. My simple routine looks like this:

1.Cleanse & Polish
2.Superskin Eyecream
3.Superskin Face Serum
4.Superskin Moisturiser

Optional extras:

Superskin Concentrate for Night
Brightening Treatment Mask
Superskin Super Lip Balm

AND THAT’S IT.

Liz Earle is my favourite because the ingredients are kind on my sensitive skin but still really powerful. I’ve found the Superskin Face Serum in particular has made a huge difference to the texture of my skin, evened out redness and has minimised breakouts. I feel like my skin is way more predictable now that I’ve got a routine in place and I only use masks or treatments when I need a little boost.

I’m a firm believer in small tasks adding up to a big result and this is definitely the case with my skincare routine. My routine takes 5 minutes – unless I’m doing a face mask – and just spending that small amount of time each day has led me to this newfound confidence in my skin.

I can now go make up-free with out feeling worried or self-conscious and that’s been a huge benefit to my mental health. When I’ve lost a night’s sleep due to anxiety I can take it slow the next morning, avoid putting any make up on my tired eyes and go barefaced without feeling crap about myself.

Going make up-free is a statement about my strength. It says I’m happy with my flaws. In fact, I barely even see any flaws when I look in the mirror. I just see me. Going make up-free is the ultimate badge of confidence which is almost as comfortable as wearing your pyjamas to the supermarket. Why wouldn’t you do it?

Thanks to all my barefaced beauties who came calling when I asked them to share a make up-free selfie in honour of this post. Go and check their blogs out below!

Amii

Tracey

Kitty Katt

Victoria

Sinead

Reanne

Emma

Lorna

Amii’s blog

Tracey’s Twitter

Katt’s blog

Victoria’s blog

Sinead’s You Tube channel

Reanne’s blog

Emma’s blog

Lorna’s blog

The post Why make-up free days are essential for your self-care routine appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Source: www.carlyrowena.com

At a party I recently saw a friend who I hadn’t seen for almost a year. She had lost a lot of weight and was being praised for the achievement by all the women at the party. With my history of rapid weight loss, crash dieting, binge eating and excessive exercising I stayed silent. I wasn’t jealous (I swear) but it just didn’t feel right to congratulate her.

I’ve actually put on about 20 lbs in the past eighteen months and I’m still coming to terms with how my body feels since I quit dieting. I’ve immersed myself in an online world where it’s OK to have lumps, bumps and visible cellulite. It’s also OK to be thin and not have boobs, wide hips or a bubble butt. I believe all body shapes are acceptable and should be represented in the media.

When I meet women who still praise each other for weight loss I feel icky. In my opinion weight loss itself doesn’t make you beautiful, nor does it deserve a “well done” sticker. Weight loss may lead to a healthier lifestyle, more confidence and self-love but that isn’t attainable purely from calorie restriction. It comes from learning to accept yourself warts and all.

In celebration of National No Diet Day which takes place on May 6th, I wanted to speak to online fitness babe Carly Rowena. She’s someone who promotes an exercise regime, balanced diet and above all self-acceptance for what your body looks like at all times.

In the online fitness world there is SO much pressure to appear lean, muscular and eat a clean diet and I’m impressed that Carly cuts through the bullshit and gets honest with her audience. She’s often captured eating chocolate, ice cream and pizza and will express candidly the negative feelings she’s had towards her own body in the past.

When I asked Carly about diet culture in social media she spoke about the importance of being upfront with her viewers;

“I think there is a lack of honesty to a degree, we need to remind people that we don’t eat like that all the time. That’s why I enjoy Insta-stories, it’s a chance to show a behind the scenes. I always try to share my clean days and my relaxed days, honesty is the only way forward”.

As someone who has always dieted, I’m curious whenever a new brand comes to market promising to deliver the best plan for optimal health and fast weight loss. Even if I don’t follow the plan I’m still interested in the science behind new fad diets and how they claim to work. However, Carly promises there is no one perfect diet that will work for everyone;

“We are all individuals so how can we ever all have the same results from the same diet? I recommend people really think about what they want, how they want to live and what they can afford both to give and to spend. Most people just need to make a few adjustments, swaps if you will. We need to stop thinking about our bodies as something we have to keep changing, we need to think about our lives and want we want our bodies to be able to do”.

Dieting has often left me with the overwhelming urge to binge. I would restrict my calories to 1000 per day, only consuming foods which I deemed ‘safe’ such as salad, fruit and vegetables. After a few weeks the urge consumed me and I would eat up to 5000 calories in the space of an hour to satisfy my hunger. The binges continued for days at a time before I forced myself to restrict again, only to result in an inevitable binge eating episode a few weeks down the line.

“Take a step back, rethink what you want from your life. Are you trying to be a bikini competition or an athlete? If the answer to both is no, then why are you trying to diet or train like one? Most of my clients are under-eating which is why they’re forever struggling to reach their goals. Top tip is to write own your food for a week and find out exactly what you’re eating, how many calories, are you getting enough fats, proteins, carbs or fibre, then you have a starting point from which you can make adjustments”.

I’ve found keeping a food diary is a great way to analyse your behaviour if you feel like food is ruling your life. I’ve learned that urge to binge often comes during a stressful time in my life, or after a period of restrictive eating and now I feel more equipped to deal with those urges when they arise.

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that ultimately dieting doesn’t work for me. It works on the surface and I can easily drop pounds by making a few simple changes to my food intake but the damage done to my mental state lasts longer and has been a challenge to rectify.

I’m glad that people like Carly Rowena are talking about the realities of over-restriction and the negative affects of dieting. There’s no shame in simply eating for health, exercising for fun and focusing on loving your body as it is!

Will you be celebrating National No Diet Day on May 6th?

The post Talking diets and online expectations with Carly Rowena appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

We can’t all have a tiny waist, a big perky butt, a generous bosom and golden, cellulite-free skin. The constant quest to be a bit skinnier, more toned and overall more aesthetically pleasing to others is exhausting. I wondered if maybe I could use that energy trying to love myself the way I am, instead of picking apart every flaw I saw in the mirror.

So decided to take action and unfollow any accounts on Instagram that made me feel bad about myself. It’ll come as no surprise to you that Instagram is a big player in how I construct my idea of beauty in the modern world. I’m sure it is for you too, even if you don’t realise it.

I thought following fitspo accounts (FYI I am an avid gym-goer) were good motivation for me. I thought looking at their chiselled abs and jiggle-free triceps everyday would make me workout harder and stick to my low-calorie diet with ease. I thought I was tapping into an endless source of will power; just what I needed if I was going to succeed at creating my dream body. Unfortunately, all it was really doing was convincing me that my body would never be good enough.

It’s not that slim, toned, Caucasian female bodies shouldn’t be inspirational. Every body needs representation. It’s that they shouldn’t be the only type of body we see in mainstream media. It might be inspirational to someone else, but to me it was an unattainable goal that was damaging my self-esteem and mental health. We all need people to look up to, but the pool available to us has become rather exclusive in my opinion. You only have to look at a magazine stand to see that there is a certain type of ‘look’ that gets to bask in the glory of front-page status.

I choose to follow women who are fuller-figured, because that’s similar to my own body shape. When I’m feeling crap about myself I want to scroll through my Instagram feed and see Megan belly-dancing in her underwear and Grace talking about her lopsided boobs, because that shit gives me life. It’s relatable. It makes me feel worthy.

So I’ve surrounded myself with women who don’t normally get media attention, but I forget that the rest of the world hasn’t caught up yet. Every now and again I catch sight of a new celebrity promoting laxatives to teenage girls, or hear that the latest Kardashian show is grotesquely named ‘Revenge Body’, and my heart breaks for the pain and torment our young women are forced to go through as the result of what is forced down their throats.

The good thing with social media is that if we want to, we can control what we see. Don’t like it? Unfollow. Easy. Unfortunately it works both ways and we only see what our Instagram idols want us to see.

The fit-chicks show you their bulging biceps and monstrous pancake towers stuffed with Oreos and Reese’s Pieces. They don’t show you the 5am starts, sleep deprivation, endless cardio and egg-white-only omelettes they endure 90% of the time to achieve their look. I adore images of real women sat in their underwear exposing their tummy rolls. It’s not until I spot the caption underneath – explaining how they felt fat, ugly and reluctant to even share the picture with their fans – that I realise even Instagram-famous girls have insecurities.

The truth is that neither of these images is better than the other. There are the preened models like Ashley Graham who show us that plus-size women can wear designer clothes and walk on catwalks. Then there are the ladies like Melissa who show themselves rocking mini-skirts in the bacon isle . Both are equally important. They are showing the world that we can be whoever we want to be.

The power of what Instagram can do is down it it’s users. We can continue to filter the shit out of everything or we can start posting real images like Kenzie Brenna. She started a campaign called Cellulite Saturday and it’s one of the most fantastic acts of positivity I’ve seen. She actively encourages others to share pictures of their own cellulite and they did.

Guess what? No one dropped down dead at the site of dimpled legs and bums on their screens! Women can be real and authentic and beautiful and empowered all at the same time!

Without Instagram that may not have been possible, so we should be grateful for that. With more women using social media to make their voices heard and their supposedly imperfect bodies represented, who knows where we’ll end up? I know for one I’ll be using it as a tool to spread the word that we all deserve to love our bodies, no matter what.

The post Can Instagram really make you more body positive? appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

I still love eating healthily because it gives me the energy to do the things I enjoy, but apart from that I’ve kind of given up on weight-loss. I’ve been there, living the ‘fitspo’ life, and I’m done with it. Here’s why…

I’ve been thin and it wasn’t all that

A lot of people look back on pictures of themselves when they looked different and have distorted memories about how they really felt at the time. When I look back on pictures of myself aged 18 and weighing approximately 200lbs, I was overweight but having the time of my life. I had just moved away from home, started university, was meeting new people everyday and learning who I really was. I was socialising like mad and I was incredibly happy. When I was at my leanest – aged 27 – I was battling depression, anxiety, obsessively over-exercising and following a very low calorie diet. I was still happy but I was very tightly wound and had strict rules about what I ate and was constantly hungry, leading to poor brain function and irritability. I’m not saying that you can’t be thin and happy; but don’t put all your eggs in one basket thinking that it’s the answer to all of life’s problems. You’ll still have problems no matter what weight you are.

Restriction isn’t sustainable

It took me years to understand that pretty much every diet is destined to fail. It’s not your lack of will power that lets you down; it’s the fact that you’re restricting yourself so much for so long that your mind and body inevitably cannot do it any more. The penny started to drop when I read a book called Intuitive Eating, although I still did a few years of crash-dieting before what I read began to make sense in my head. I’ve tried to explain to people that a)learning to love your body as it is will stand you in better stead than trying to change it and b)dieting is almost 100% guaranteed to fail in the long term. The truth is, I didn’t believe it myself until I’d dieted for 12 years, lost approximately 60lbs and gained it all back in the end. Sometimes you have to live through that to see that you’re not the one person that’s going to ‘stick to the plan’ and prove everyone wrong. I get it. Just take it from someone who has restricted food groups for most of my adult life; IT DOESN’T WORK.

You’re not defined by your aesthetic

I’ve written before about how when I feel really low about my body image, I like to remember how I look at other people. I very rarely look at someone and think much about what they look like in a typical sense. I’ll perhaps notice a nice necklace they’re wearing, the smell of their perfume, how friendly they were, if they smiled or held eye contact with me. When I look at my friends and family I see their personality traits; I genuinely don’t think about what they look like in a negative way whatsoever, so the chances are no one else is giving a crap about what I look like either. No one is noticing my double chin, my muffin top and my hairy legs and if they ARE then frankly, they need to get a life. I know that what I bring to the table is more important that a thin body, so why fixate on that small, insignificant part of me?

Your brain can do so much more than just count calories

When I was fixated on counting calories it honestly didn’t leave time for much else. I was always on my phone figuring out what I could eat that day and scrutinizing food labels to see which had the fewest calories. I was always trimming calories at every opportunity, but never eating a proper meal to compensate. I ‘had to’ exercise for a minimum of 60 minutes per day (ideally double that) so my mind and body were both exhausted. I didn’t realise the perpetual use of will power combined with a low calorie diet was draining away all my brain power. Since I’ve stopped fixating on food and exercise I’ve had the energy to socialise and write everyday, which are two things I don’t want to give up.

Food is amazing

I’m sure you’re aware of how flippin’ fantastic food is. We can’t survive without it and we are lucky enough to have almost any kind we desire at our fingertips in plentiful amounts. It’s a great way to socialise, show gratitude, celebrate and commiserate. We don’t need to overindulge but sometimes it’s nice. It’s such an important part of our world that it seems wrong to cut it out and stop ourselves from enjoying it. I’m not saying we should eat what we want, when we want all the time; but maybe its time to loosen up and appreciate what we have?

Have you given up on dieting?

The post Why I’m not dieting this January (even though I’m a size 16) appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

It helped me develop a self-care routine

I don’t believe that possessions can make you happy, and for years I refused to spend money on beauty and skincare products because I believed I didn’t need them to feel beautiful. I definitely DO NOT need them to feel beautiful; but taking care of my physical self is something that I’ve done more in 2016, and something that’s sincerely helped me feel less worthless when I’ve been going through a bout of depression.

When I spent weeks primping and preening myself for my wedding day in 2015, I remember thinking there was no way in hell I could keep up this level of attention to my body. Who has the time? When I stepped out in my wedding dress, I felt so happy with myself from the inside out, that I could finally see the value in carrying on a few of the beauty routines I have developed in the run up to the day. I don’t spend much money on make up, but I do have a favourite cleanser, serum and moisturiser that I use religiously and a few face masks that I reach for when I need that extra special care. I don’t think this is the only way to practise self-care, but for me it’s a daily addition to my coping strategies that I do without thinking and gives me a regular lift.

Make-up can help me feel confident

There’s no denying that wearing make-up can make you feel more confident. In the same way that a new haircut and your favourite dress can make you feel like you can conquer the world, I’m not ashamed to say that a smokey eye and bangin’ highlighter make me feel sassy. But I also feel confident when I DON’T wear make-up and I think that’s important.

Washing my face and slapping on some moisturiser is all I do when I’m going to the gym. I like to look in the mirror and see my true self. For me, the gym is a place for honesty. It’s where I’m alone and focused with my own thoughts, listening to and observing my body to see how far I can push myself as well as when to rest. I find it’s healthy to have time without make-up, to appreciate the impact it can make when you really want it.

I realised need representation in the media

I grew up reading the same magazines as everyone else my age – Mizz, Shout, Smash Hits, Bliss – so I believed that to be beautiful I had to be white, thin, blonde-haired and blue-eyed with big breasts. I began dieting around 15 and didn’t stop until I was approaching 30. The penny dropped for me when I saw Ashley Graham on the cover of Sport Illustrated. She’s by no means a fair representation of the millions of ‘plus-size’ (whatever that means nowadays) women who look to the media for inspiration, but for me she’s an inch closer to that dream. In that cover I saw someone with a body shape vaguely like mine, and I’d never seen that before.

That’s when I realised I’d been conditioning myself to believe that my body shape, hair and face was all wrong by consuming the images that were handed to me. Now, I actively seek out women who have bodies I can identify with and a style which I can understand. I feel You Tube is particularly helpful when it comes to the beauty aspect of this, because it’s really relatable for me to watch a woman by age talk about what skincare and make-up brands they use in their everyday lives instead of relying on magazines which are heavily biased towards advertisers.

Check out this podcast called Unsorry, in particular their recent episode talking about feeling beautiful.

The post 3 ways the beauty industry has affected my mental health appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Tracking calories

I used to have My Fitness Pal on the homepage of my phone screen so that I could input everything I ate throughout the day. Ideally, I would record all the food I was planning to eat the night before so that I could plan exactly what I would eat and what ‘treats’ I could fit in throughout the day. The problem with calorie counting for me was that eventually fitting in treats became the main goal, so I would eat very low calorie foods like salad and vegetables in order to eat a bar of chocolate straight afterwards. Fat has more calories per gram that protein or carbohydrates so I would avoid most fats to keep calories low. Little did I know that fat consumption is extremely important for maintaining a healthy body and it started to affect my hormones and brain function. Ultimately I became too focused on calories instead of the quality of the food I was eating, so I gave up.

Eating clean

No one can actually define what ‘clean eating’ is, so why the hell should I try an emulate a vague statement that so many people are hailing as the next big thing? Some people include honey, sweeteners and cereal bars and others don’t even allow the use of salt or heaven forbid, shop-bought products. They would have you grow everything from scratch in your own garden and eat it raw, whilst others are publishing books packed with ‘clean’ brownie recipes. It takes way too much brain power to figure out the rules never mind actually abide by them.

Always choosing the ‘healthy’ option

After years of reading tips on how to eat low calorie meals the go, at work or in restaurants I became a seasoned pro at selecting the ‘healthy’ option in any given scenario. This meant substituting fries for salad, bread for more salad and dessert for a cup of tea. I still try to eat a well balanced diet most of the time but when I’m in a restaurant or in a rush I don’t stress as much as I used to. I try to listen to my hunger cues and eat to satisfy those instead of making a ‘perfect’ meal.

The ‘all or nothing’ approach

I’ve had those bad days which involve eating family size boxes of biscuits, pot noodles and peanut butter straight out of the jar. I’ve even planned for those exact days after weeks of restrictive eating where I munched on only carrots and chicken to get my goal weight. I would load up on all the junk food I wanted and cram it all into one massive binge session happy in the knowledge that I would be back on my low calorie, no junk plan the next day. The guilt associated with this was extremely upsetting, as the binge never made me happy in the way I thought it would. Days later I would be sick of restricting and be planning another mammoth eating session and the cycle continued. I’m now a firm believer in “a little bit of what you fancy does you no harm”.

Eating less than 1000 calories per day

This is just stupid, and anyone who advocates this type of meal plan should be avoided like the plague.

Meticulous meal-planning

Obviously planning your meals is a great way to get organised and helps with creating shopping list and sticking to a budget. I still like to batch cook meals in the form of soups, chilli and cottage pie and have them in the freezer for when I’m in a rush or have nothing fresh in the fridge. I am however, totally over the idea of planning every single meal and snack for the entire week. A meal plan which is that detailed is perfect for someone who needs educating on portion sizes and which foods are best in a balanced diet. I feel like I know enough about food and how my body works to make those choices myself. It also means I can eat more when I’m hungry, less when I’m full and go ‘off plan’ without feeling like I’m a total failure.

Relying on caffeine

When I was creeping towards my goal weight (just writing that makes me feel slightly sick) I was at the tail end of a year-long diet which was starting to take it’s toll on me mentally and physically. I was constantly tired, hungry and cranky whilst nervously counting down the hours to my next meal. I would stay awake with black coffee and caffeinated diet sodas only to find I would crash an hour later. If it wasn’t time to eat I simple cracked open another drink and waited nervously. I dread to think what my body was doing to cope with the lack of calories and the excess caffeine. Now I have one or two coffees a week, sometimes none at all.

Cutting out carbohydrates

Not happy with cutting out fats I tried to limit my intake of carbohydrates too. I considered them ’empty calories’ as protein is supposed to help you feel satisfied for longer so I decided they weren’t worth worrying about. I would eat bolognese without the spaghetti, a bacon sandwich without the bread and roast dinner without the roast potatoes. I’ll never go back.

Exercising to compensate for over-eating

I used to exercise everyday for at least 90 minutes and up to 3 hours per day. I was so terrified of gaining weight that I would factor in extra workouts before or after a big meal to try and burn off the extra calories. This is reasonably sensible but probably not essential when my idea of a ‘big meal’ was a slice of toast. Now I exercise a few times a week and try to fit in classes like yoga to help with my mental health.

Avoiding eating out at restaurants

The prospect of eating out at restaurant was extremely stressful when I was in a severe calorie deficit. On one hand I knew it was safer to eat the food I cooked myself to know exactly what was in it, but on the other hand every fibre of my being was screaming out for a big plate of something delicious. The cravings were so intense that I would normally go but I had to know in advance exactly where we were going so that I could plan what I would eat, ideally with a look at the menu beforehand. It really took the joy out of what is supposed to be a fun, sociable experience. Nowadays I eat out 2-3 times a week and eat until I’m full with whatever I’m craving at the time.

What diet habits have you given up? Are you ready to start 2017 with the aim to love your body more?

The post 10 dieting habits I’ve given up in 2016 appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

I’ve been on a diet for the last ten years and I’m so exhausted from it all. I got thin. Now I’m a bit chubby. Life goes on. There are so many worries in the world that I don’t have the will power to count calories and fight cravings any more. I’m free.

The hard truth is that it’s not that easy to free yourself from dieting. I’ve trained my brain to see foods in a certain light, to view exercise as punishment and to see clothes size as a way to categorise beauty. I was a serial dieter for such a long time, and looking back now the habits that I formed were very strange indeed. I know I’m not alone either; because magazines, books and slimming clubs everywhere have created little subcultures of calorie-counting women who all practice similar behaviours. Here is a humorous look at the things that only a serial dieter will understand…

1.Buying two miniature bottles of wine instead of one full sized bottle because it’s the only way you can exert self-control on a Friday night. This almost always results in a late night dash to the corner shop for a full size bottle after consuming said miniatures. Cue hangover.

2. Eating only vegetables throughout the day so that you can eat a very specific amount of cheese later on. This means being hungry all day as well as bloated and gassy from all the vegetables. At least you get your romantic moment with 40g of cheddar.

3. Spending money on diet magazines because you need ‘motivation’. You may also seek so-called ‘motivation’ from buying clothes that are too small in order to give you something to work towards. This never works.

4. Buying branded diet ready meals to make life easier when you’d rather eat a piece of cardboard smothered in peanut butter. The ready meal will undoubtedly be chucked in the bin in favour of some Warburtons Thins which are equally as disappointing.

5. Knowing the exact number of calories in a tablespoon of peanut butter and knowing that you could never just have one. Smirking with glee when you see the peanut butter sachets now available and shamelessly licking the packet clean on several occasions.

6. The obsession with stocking up on things that are labelled 100 calories or less. Muller Light Yoghurts and Special K Bars are your favourite, and your blood sugar levels are being carefully controlled hour by hour by these bad boys.

7. Living on diet drinks and espressos in between meals to distract from hunger pangs and keep your energy up. This leads to the odd migraine but you find more caffeine tends to sort that out in a jiffy.

8. How exciting it is when you’re going out for dinner, and you find that the restaurant’s website provides calorie information for every meal they sell. Obviously you can’t eat a full meal, but an interesting combination of two starters and a side salad with no dressing should just about suffice. Then a good long sniff of your friend’s chocolate pudding.

9. Refusing to buy clothes from H&M because their sizes come up small and you KNOW you’re no bigger than an 18. New Look are more forgiving so let’s stick with them.

10. Looking in the mirror and thinking you look pretty good today, only to have a rude awakening when you step on the scales to find that you weigh exactly the same as yesterday. How can this be? The detox starts today.

All joking aside, isn’t it time we all started forgetting about the calories in our food and instead concentrated on nutrition? Shouldn’t be be eating fatty avocados and avoiding sugary cereal bars? Isn’t it obvious that ‘diet’ foods are often void of the amount of energy we need to sustain a healthy lifestyle?

In fact, the low calorie plans most of us try to stick to are destined for failure from the outset. Maybe not instant failure, but inevitably these crash diets are unrealistic for most people. Let’s all rejoice in the fact that we live in a part of the world where we actually have enough food to eat, and work on retraining our brains to pick the best of the bunch.

What’s your worst ‘dieting’ habit?

The post 10 things only a diet addict will understand  appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.

Lying curled up in a ball, crying, wondering what the hell you’re going to wear today because nothing looks good. Practically everything you own gives you the dry heaves when you think about ‘body image’.  Jeans are too tight. Boobs are too saggy. Arms the flabbiest they’ve ever been. To top it all off you’ve just seen the latest Kim Kardashian beach snaps and she looks phenomenal, having pushed not one but two babies out of her seemingly unaware midriff which gets flatter by the minute.

This is what real women all over the world are going through on a daily basis. We hate every inch of our bodies but many of us really want to change that mentality. We want to learn to love out bodies at ‘any size’, like all the plus size models proclaim. We want to be comfortable flaunting our belly rolls like Megan Jayne Crabbe or bravely strut our stuff in fashionable gear like Felicity Hayward.

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The truth is getting to that place of body image acceptance is hard. It’s incredibly hard. Telling that sobbing woman with nothing to wear just to ‘Learn to love your body!’ is so much easier said that done. It’s basically like we are having to retrain our own brains to stop seeing ourselves as unworthy because we don’t look like supermodels or celebrities. I’ve been looking for more practical ways to start building a more positive body image and I wanted to share a few simple tips that you can implement today.

Curate your wardrobe

One of the major things that makes my feel shit about my body image is my clothes. If I put something on and it’s a little too tight, or pulls in the wrong places you can guarantee that I’ll automatically start putting tearing myself apart internally with every other outfit I try on.

It’s all well and good keeping hold of clothes because you like the idea of them, or have memories of how they looked on you in the past, but let’s be honest; keeping clothes that don’t fit any more does nothing good for your mental state. It’s like keeping a picture of an ex-boyfriend up on your wall years after you’ve broken up. You’re not fooling anyone. Rip it up and move on.

Instead of trying to make old clothes work for your new body, go shopping and find a style that you’re comfortable with. I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve come to realise that being comfortable is a main priority for me. I like long-sleeved shirts. I like tops to be oversized with a deep V-neck. I like elasticated waists. My best asset is my butt and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to make the most of it.

Get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel like yourself, or is restricting you in anyway – physically or a otherwise. Throw away everything from your teenage years.

Quality control the images to consume

We’re all so overwhelmed with images of the female body it’s inevitably going to contribute to your low self esteem if you’re feeling inadequate. I really enjoy exercise and going to the gym, so over time I’ve followed quite a few Instagram girls who have enviable bodies from working out. Instead of inspiring me to eat well and workout regularly I realised that I was trapping myself in a world of unrealistic expectations, where I never felt like my body was good enough. I was restricting my diet and exercising more and more as a form of punishment, adamant that my gruelling regime would earn me the body I thought I deserved.

The women themselves have beautiful bodies, and I’m not bashing them and what they do for a living – it’s just that their genetics are different to mine. I dieted hard and lost a lot of weight but was exhausted, lacking energy and still nowhere near revealing the washboard abs I dreamt of.

I’ve updated the media I consume by changing my Instagram, Bloglovin, Facebook and Twitter feed to surround myself with healthy messages about body image. I follow plus size models, bloggers and people who promote a more balanced approach to food and exercise.

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Talk to other people who are struggling with body image

Trying to love your body the way it is can be testing when magazine headlines still promote crash dieting and taking fat burners for breakfast. We’re all trying to fly the flag for body positivity and although online it can seem like everyone else is on board too, in the real world not many people are talking about themselves in a loving way. Everyone is ‘starting afresh’ on Monday, or calling today a ‘write off’ after an 11am doughnut delivery to the office.

How do we surround ourselves with other strong men and women who believe they are worthy of happiness no matter what their size? I think  we can help instigate that change by being verbal about what we believe to everyone we meet.

Sometimes talking to others who are struggling with the same body image issues can highlight how distorted our own views are of ourselves. Listening to friends point out their jiggly bits, wrinkles and grey hairs always takes me by surprise; What are they talking about? I can’t see any of their apparent flaws, in fact I envy their figure and their fabulous dress sense!

This happens all the time, and although I’m sympathetic to the mental turmoil they’re going through (I totally geddit), I always make sure they know why I think they’re beautiful the way they are. The way I see it, if I can get as many people as possible into this new way of thinking, they’ll help support me when I’m feeling low and vice versa. If you can create a community of people who will lift you up then you’re onto a winner.

Are you working towards a more positive body image?

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The post 3 body image hacks you can use to feel more positive today appeared first on Fiona Fletcher Reid.