Interestingly, I have a lot of anxiety, but I don’t think I have had a panic attack (yet). I have had social anxiety that was pretty close to what people describe as a panic attack.

But even without panic attacks, I have become reclusive. There are not many things left that I feel comfortable doing. With this episode, I have had major anxiety that has lasted so far for 6 months. I know getting out more would be therapeutic, but I needed a break from the anxiety because it was so incredibly painful. So now I have a very limited routine that has reduced the anxiety somewhat. However, my fear is that I will need to restrict my routine even more, and become even more reclusive to get the same effect.

This is really the worst. I went from being a man that traveled all over the world without a problem, a man that could lead large groups of people and easily make decisions, to a man that struggles to get out of the house.

Another thing: You say that you let yourself sleep as much as you need. My psychiatrist told me not to do that, to get up after 8 hours. I have not been able to make myself do that – I sleep 9.5 to 11 hours per night (with the last 3 or so involving me in and out of consciousness in my bed and just not wanted to get up and face another day of misery). Sleep is my only escape. In fact, while I used to exercise a lot and enjoy it, now when I do exercise, the only motivator is to make sure that I have made my body tired enough so that I can sleep. (I take Trazadone for sleep also). I believe the psychiatrist that it’s better to get up after 8 hours, but part of me suspects that if my body wants so much sleep, maybe there is some element of healing to it.

Hi
Thank you for this blog
I too was diagnosed in 2012 with depression and anxiety
I lost my career and my family and myself. Thank god my husband stood by me. It took me a long time to find myself again(years)
But I feel I’m slipping into depression again, it’s starting to take a hold of me. I’ve taken days off work and sit in bed crying on and off and divulging in negative thoughts in my head. About how worthless I am now and how I fucked up my old life cos I couldn’t handle stuff. I feel everyone has moved on and I’ve been left behind.
I’m scared.
I don’t want to tell anyone how I’m feeling because it was so bad before and I’ve come such a long way since then.
Why is this happening?
Sometimes I feel it coming on and think don’t look at things that will make you feel worse but I can’t help myself it’s like a comfort almost.
I’m fucked and I can’t do anything about it

You say you’ve been diagnosed, which is a positive step. Recovery takes time, and it may get a little worse before it gets better. Have you been prescribed medication? This can make you drowsy but it will wear off once you get used to it in your system. Depression also makes you tired in general, unfortunately it’s just a symptom. When i feel like that I just sleep as much as I need to. I feel it helps in the long run, but that’s my opinion. If it gets any worse I’d make an another doctors appointment ASAP xx